


And the Devil will set you free

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-10
Updated: 2011-07-17
Packaged: 2018-03-16 20:24:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 61,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3501677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://capslokdethklok.livejournal.com/989669.html">Illustrated version here</a>, every chapter had at least one art because I was trying to learn to draw digitally.  The art is <i>not</i> essential, so you're not missing much if you just read this version.  Some arts are NSFW, labeled by chapter if you go there.</p><p>*This is unfinished, and will never be finished*<br/>I was writing it as plausible pre-canon, and it got killed by S3.  After a year of no progress, I posted the remnants and walked away.  It was originally planned to end with S1.01 so you know how it all ends anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And the Devil will set you free

**Author's Note:**

> Teenage Toki meets “the Devil”. They’re not speaking English, of course.  
> There will be more eventually, kind of a series. There will be a lot of OC’s.  
> Warnings: abuse, misuse of religion

~ A LONG TIME AGO IN NORWAY ~

The Devil was in town tonight, the Devil was trying to take over the world. That’s what he’d overheard his parents talking about, in very hushed tones.  
All his life, Toki had been told to fear the Devil, and he did. But here was his chance to actually see this creature, to know what he had always been told to fear.  
And so he snuck out.

The Devil’s music... that was the biggest draw. What would it sound like, this music that could steal your soul?  
He wanted to hear it, surely hearing just a little wouldn’t damn him. He really hoped not, anyway.  
But what if it did? If life was this hard, how much worse must hell possibly be?  
He would have to be very careful.

It was very late, his parents had long since gone to bed.  
He had lain awake for hours, waiting, unable to sleep even if he’d wanted to.  
He’d never dared defy them like this before, that alone scared him more than any Devil that might be waiting for him in town.  
His father’s wrath was a known thing, and known well. But it was to save his soul, always for that.

He wasn’t going to get close, he just wanted to see, to hear, to know.  
To see actual see proof of everything he’d been told all his life, he had to know if it was real.  
Hiding in an alley in sight of The Place of The Sinners (as his father called it), Toki waited for a glimpse of this ultimate evil, waited to hear the music.  
That’s where his father found him, having mysteriously tracked him down.

The Reverend struck him hard and with no warning, slaps had been traded for punches as he’d grown older.  
Toki made no move to defend himself, he never did. Any attempts to even evade the blows would only make things worse for him, he had to endure.  
In silence. The blows kept coming.  
Driven backwards against his will, Toki found himself in the street. His father still did not relent.

The Devil came out of the bar.  
His face was like death, framed in long black hair. His open jacket proclaimed his faith.  
He was smoking something that wasn’t a cigarette, but it seemed forgotten as his attention focused on the scene in the road before him. “Hey, stop that!”  
The Devil spoke strangely, but it was still understandable. His words just weren’t quite right, the voice of Evil.

The Reverend looked up as the painted specter dared approach, and nodded resolutely. So there was to be a showdown then, he’d show this Evil whose God was stronger.  
Toki watched in awe as the creature actually dared approach his father, his terrifyingly powerful father. Then it turned to him, seeming to study him.  
Pain and fear made it hard for him to keep standing, he swayed under its (his?) gaze.

He’d really messed up this time, he’d disobeyed his father and the Devil had come for him as he’d always been told that He would.  
The Reverend made a move toward Toki again, but the Devil stepped between them, cutting him off.  
Toki suddenly found himself in the Devil’s shadow, he crouched in fear.  
Why hadn’t he listened, why hadn’t he truly believed?

The Reverend stood firm, although the Devil was as tall as he was. He brandished his cross in a commanding manner. “Begone Satan! I hereby banish you!”  
Toki cringed, now the wrath of God would surely strike the Devil down. All his life he’d been told how this battle would go, and who would win.  
But _nothing_ happened.

The Devil didn’t burst into flames, or even back down. In fact, he laughed. “Your god has no power over me, I don’t even believe in him.” He turned to Toki, who had edged to the side for a better view “Are you okay?”  
The devil was kind.  
Everything he’d been told was a lie?  
When a hand was extended, Toki was surprised find himself taking it.

The Devil helped him up, then made an attempt to dab some of the blood from his face. The napkin he held wasn’t up to the task however, not by far.  
The devil looked so young, but of course he was ageless.  
He’d stood up to the Reverend and won.  
Toki studied him through blurred vision, trying to memorize the nightmarish face before him.

“You should come inside with me, so we can get you cleaned up.”  
Toki shook his head, it was questionable if he would survive his father’s wrath as it was, entering the Devil’s domain would seal his fate for sure.  
“This isn’t right.” The Devil turned to the Reverend. “You _know_ this isn’t right.”  
“Come on, we’re going home now.” His father refused to speak to the devil again.

Toki followed his father home, obedient as he had always tried to be. Tried and failed, so many times.  
“You have been touched by the Devil. Despite all of my efforts, it seems that you truly can’t be saved.”  
His heart sank. He was going to die for this then, it had been decided.  
Despite this realization, Toki kept obediently following his father.  
Maybe hell wouldn’t be so bad after all?

His mother was awake when they got home, but she didn’t speak.  
His father led him to his room, and took something from the closet. Without a word he left, confident that he didn’t need to lock the door.  
And indeed he didn’t, Toki was going nowhere, there was nowhere to go.  
From the other room, his father’s voice. “Woman, I have a task for you.”

Nothing happened.  
Morning came, and Toki still didn’t sleep, he couldn’t sleep. Any time now, any time his father would come for him.  
Any time now, he would die.  
And yet the day dragged on, impossibly long.  
Still alone.

The sun had set again before his door opened, and his father stood at the threshold.  
Toki stood, the time had come then. He could only accept his fate.  
“You have been denied Heaven, so it is your punishment that you shall walk the earth. I can only pray that you shall someday redeem yourself, I can no longer help you. You have until dawn to be gone from this house.”

Toki stood in shock, unable to believe this turn of events.  
His father held out some things to him, and old teddy bear he’d almost forgotten he had, and an envelope. “Take these. You’ll need the papers for any life you may have.”  
He accepted them, noticing for the first time that the bear now had a devil’s tail.  
“I asked your mother to alter that as a symbol of how far you’ve fallen. Keep it with you as a reminder to sin no more.” With that, he left the room.

Toki sat on his bed. He wasn’t going to die, he was being cast out.  
Could he take his things, meager as they were? Or was he supposed to go with only the bear and the papers?  
There were no answers, so he packed some clothes into a bag. Was this stealing? If he was already damned, did it even matter?  
Dawn was still hours away, but there was longer any reason to linger.  
It was time.

Toki left his house, never again to be his home.  
Walking past the parents who pretended not to see him, he was no longer worthy of their notice.  
Maybe he could find the Devil, the Devil who’d showed him kindness?  
But then he would truly be lost forever.  
Still, having nowhere else to go, Toki headed toward town.  
The Devil had set him free.


	2. The streets of Norway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teenage Toki, on his own and trying to get by. They’re still not speaking English, of course.  
> Warnings: OC’s, a bit more warped religious stuff

Toki’s walk back to town exhausted him, he hadn’t slept in two days and was physically and emotionally worn out. All he wanted to do now was sleep.  
It was too cold though, he knew if he didn’t find some sort of shelter he might die.   
He couldn’t even think clearly anymore, couldn’t think of his options. But he had to find something soon, he wouldn’t last much longer.

He paused, leaning against a parked car, resting. A car...  
He tried the door, expecting it to be locked but it wasn’t. Could he sleep in the car? What would happen if he was caught?  
There was no time left for options, he would have to risk it.  
Toki crawled into the car and shut the door, curling up on the back seat. It was still cold, but he would be okay.

The sun woke him up the next morning, fortunately the owner of the car hadn’t found him yet.  
After a quick look to make sure nobody was watching, he got out and started walking.  
Although he had never been there alone, he decided to head for the library. It was warm and quiet there, and there were bathrooms where he could wash.  
He was hungry, but he could ignore that for now. It wasn’t like he’d never been hungry before.

Toki actually liked the library. He wasn’t a big reader, but just knowing that he _could_ read stuff if he wanted to was enough.  
That’s why he hadn’t been allowed here alone, his parents worried that he might read something that they disapproved of. So of course, he was tempted to do just that.  
It wasn’t much of a plan though, because there was way too much they disapproved of and he had no idea where to even start.

After flipping idly through an assortment of things, he ended up falling asleep in one of the chairs.  
Later, a lady shook him gently awake. “Sweetie, we’re closing. Is somebody coming to pick you up?”  
Panic made him think fast. “Oh no, I’m late!” He grabbed his bag and headed out the door.  
Falling asleep had been stupid, what if somebody had seen him there? If people saw him, alone, they would _know_. Know that he was so bad that his parents had given up on him, know his shame.

For this same reason, he was hesitant to even walk the street, he just wanted to hide where no one could see him.  
Something caught his attention, money. A bill had escaped from whoever owned it, and blown his way. Toki grabbed it, it was real.  
He _should_ try to find who it belonged to and give it back. He _shouldn’t_ stuff it in his pocket before anyone could see it.  
But he was too hungry.

Feeling like a thief, Toki headed for a place he knew sold cheap food. Water wasn’t a problem, he could drink out of bathroom faucets, but food wasn’t free.  
Choosing wisely, he calculated how to get the most food for his money, and have some left over for the next day or two.  
Then he headed back to the alley where his father had caught him just the other night, it was time to face the Devil.  
There was no reason to keep putting it off, the Devil wouldn’t forget about him.

He sat in the shadows, eating his food and watching the bar across the street.   
People came and went, but there was no sign of the Devil. Music came out occasionally, but he was pretty sure this wasn’t Devil music, he’d heard similar stuff before and his parents hadn’t overly reacted to it.  
The night dragged on, and eventually the bar closed. The Devil had never come for him.  
Why?

Giving up, Toki dragged himself up and went in search of an unlocked car to sleep in. It didn’t take long, thanks to the low crime rates most people didn’t bother locking up.  
This time he chose to sleep on the floorboard behind the seats, lower and a lot less likely to be seen if someone passed by.   
His old bear, shameful as it might now be, made an excellent pillow.

Luck was with him again, and he woke and left the car without anyone noticing him.  
After buying more food (and using most of the money he had left), Toki wandered around trying to stay out of the public eye.  
It felt like everyone was watching him, judging him.  
How many of them recognized him? They didn’t come to town often, but his parents did stand out. People always stared. It felt like they were all staring at him now.

He made it through another day, and again spent half the night watching that bar. Again, no Devil.  
Did this mean that he was somehow redeemed? Had the Devil decided to pass on him, or was he merely waiting for Toki to damn himself beyond all hope?  
The suspense and shame were hard to live with. Maybe this was what his father intended, when he cast him out? To walk in shame forever?  
Finally giving up, he went and found a car.

When he woke up it was still dark, _and the car was moving_.  
Oh shit, he was in trouble now. Lying with his head behind the driver’s seat, he couldn’t see anything of the driver. Apparently they hadn’t seen him either.  
He had no idea how long they’d been moving, but it was daylight before the car stopped.  
Toki pressed against the seats, trying to be invisible, wondering where the hell he even was now.  
Still oblivious to the stowaway, the driver got out and went... where ever he or she was going.

Toki cautiously raised up and peeked out the window. He was in some neighborhood, and there were people outside.  
He was caught, his only chance was to move fast.  
Staying low, he stuffed his things back into his bag and took a deep breath. Then he quickly opened the door and bolted.  
People yelled after him, several voices, but no one gave chase as he ran as fast as he could away from there.

Just by luck, he’d headed toward a more commercial section of where ever he was, and found a dark alley to duck into.  
Sitting in the shadows, he was breathing hard and shaking with fear. That had been too close.  
Slowly, Toki pulled himself together. Those people probably hadn’t gotten a good look at him, and they hadn’t tried to follow. Maybe he was still okay?  
He dared leave his hiding place.

Where was he? A different town, that was for certain.  
A place where nobody knew of him, where nobody would judge him? Was that even possible?  
Toki set out to explore, noting that the people in the streets paid no attention to him. That was reassuring.  
Finding some place cheap enough, he used the last of his money to buy some food. He had no idea what he’d do now, but he could make it a couple days if he had to.   
Maybe he could get a job somewhere? But who would ever hire him?

There had been a sign a few streets back... a hand written ‘help wanted’ sign. Maybe the kind of person who wrote their own signs wouldn’t care that he’d never had a job before? It was probably worth a try.  
It took a while to find the place again, he was unfamiliar with the city and had been taking random turns, but he eventually found it.  
On closer inspection, it seemed to be a bar, a Place of Evil.  
Maybe that was only fitting? Toki pushed open the door and went in.

A lady came over to him, she was wearing a tag on her shirt that said ‘Ingrid’. “Can I help you?”  
It was hard to force the words out, he was unused to talking to strangers, but he managed. “The sign... the job?”  
She nodded, and called over her shoulder. “Rune! We’ve got a kid here about the job!”  
Toki watched a big man come out from the back. He looked friendly though, that was encouraging. He motioned to an empty table near the window. “So you need a job? Let’s have a seat and talk.”

They sat, Toki quite nervously. He waited for the man to speak.  
Rune was sizing him up. “How old are you, son?”  
What a simple question, even a small child could answer that without thinking. But Toki didn’t know. Birthdays weren’t allowed, he didn’t even know when his was. He had a rough idea of his age, of course, but no way to be sure. When he’d asked, the only answer was always, 'Not old enough.'  
The man was waiting for an answer.

“Old enough?” He couldn’t even say it with conviction.  
“I kind of doubt that. Do you have any identification? This is a bar, I can’t hire you if you don’t have any.”  
Toki shook his head sadly.  
“Nothing? Not even some papers?” He felt sorry for this kid.  
Papers? He had some papers, he’d never even looked at them. Digging around in his bag, he found the envelope and handed it over.

Rune opened it and quickly read through the contents. “Hmm. Well Toki, you’re not legal to work out here, but I need a dishwasher. My night shift guy quit on me, and we get pretty busy. You interested?”  
“Yes.” Washing dishes, he could do that. And he’d get money for it?  
“You still need some ID. Hey Ingrid?” She came over to the table. “Ingrid here is normally out night shift waitress, but she traded for today. Ingrid, can you take this kid down so he can get an ID made? You can leave a little early if you want. Oh and grab the cost from the register, I doubt he has it.”

She nodded. “New dishwasher, huh? Alright kid, stick around and we’ll go in about and hour.”  
Toki nodded, still amazed at his luck.  
Rune motioned to him to follow. “Come in the back, you’re too young to be out here. I’ll show you around.”  
There wasn’t much to see, but Toki looked at it all anyway. “How old do you have to be to be out there?”  
“Eighteen, you’re shy a little over a year.”  
Oh, so he was sixteen then? Good to finally know.

He waited, and soon Ingrid came and took him to... the place he was supposed to get this ID thing. She had a nice car.  
Toki showed his envelope to the lady behind the counter. She gave him some forms to fill out, but he had no idea what to put on them. Address? He didn’t have one. Birthday? He still didn’t know.  
Fortunately, Ingrid took over and filled the stuff out for him, copying things from the papers. He didn’t know what she put, but it would have to do.  
The lady took his picture, then gave him a piece of paper to use “until it came in the mail.”

Ingrid dropped him back off at the bar, and went on her way.  
It was fairly simple: The waitress (Toki didn’t catch her name, but he wouldn’t normally be working with her anyway) would bring glasses back, and he would wash them, dry them, and put them on a tray to be used again.  
And as promised, it _did_ get pretty busy at points, but he worked as fast as he could and managed to keep up.  
Some people didn’t even finish their drinks, he had to pour them down the drain.

When his shift was done and they were closing, Rune handed him some money. “You picked a good day to start, it’s payday. Do you have anywhere to stay?”  
Toki shook his head. He didn’t dare risk cars again, especially not now that he had a job.  
“There’s a motel a few blocks over, it’s pretty seedy but safe enough. They do a lot of ‘by the hour’ rentals, if you know what I mean.” Toki didn’t, but nodded anyway. “It’s cheap. Tell the guy at the desk that you work for me and he’ll give you a good room.”

The motel wasn’t hard to find, and some of the people he was entering or leaving rooms made him realize what kind of place this was. Another Place of Sinners... those seemed to be his fate. But he didn’t know of any other options, so he went into the office and said what he’d been told to say.  
The guy gave him a key in exchange for a surprisingly small amount of his money, and Toki went to check out his room.

He didn’t know it, but the ‘good rooms’ meant the ones saved for the rare actual guest who wasn’t just there for quick sex, the rooms with televisions and complementary toiletries.  
Toki took a long shower, he’d never had a shower before. His parent had only a bathtub, and had proclaimed showers to be wasteful and evil. But if everything he was doing was evil anyway, what could it hurt? It was pretty wonderful.  
Very clean now, he crawled into bed and watched some TV. This wasn’t so bad. Actually, it was pretty damn good.

He slept extremely well, despite the odd noises coming from some of the other rooms.  
The next day, Toki was careful to be out by the checkout time (which wasn’t very early), taking his bag with him. He bought something to eat, and wandered the streets. If this is where he lived now, he wasn’t to get the layout down.  
Eventually, it was time for work.  
After his shift he received a small amount of money, it seemed that the dishwashers got a cut of the tips.

It quickly became a pattern: Work, get a room, watch TV, sleep. Get up, wander the streets, go to work again.  
Everything that he’d been told all his life were evil, these things seemed less and less so as time went on. He was starting to question everything his parents had ever told him, although he didn’t dare examine those thought too closely.  
The guilt was still there, slowly lifting but not yet gone.


	3. How many more sins?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months have passed, and Toki is more comfortable in his new life. Still not speaking English, if you couldn’t guess.  
> Warnings: OC’s, non-graphic sex

A few months later, Toki was still living in the motel. He could have reserved his room for days or even weeks at a time, but he never did. And it was _his_ room, the manager just saved it for him knowing he’d turn up when he got off work.  
The motel was never completely full anyway, it was no big deal.  
Toki had bought a backpack with some of his money, that was a lot easier to carry his few belongings around in.

He’d had to buy some new clothes too, he was still growing and his old ones had gotten too tight.  
According to his ID, he was seventeen now. He had forgotten it was his birthday until Ingrid had given him some candy she’d bought for him.  
Other than that though, it was just another day. After not celebrating birthdays all his life, it was hard to think of them as special.

And Toki had started drinking at work.  
All too often, glasses were brought back with a little bit remaining, a sip of watered-down whiskey, an inch of beer.  
He’d poured them out at first, being a good boy, but eventually curiosity had won and he’s tried one.   
He didn’t burst into flames. He didn’t fall down senseless. He didn’t really feel anything at all, other than the adrenaline from daring to do something so forbidden.

He kept drinking, at first just the occasional unfinished drink, still pouring out the rest. Eventually though, he’d gotten into the habit of drinking everything that came back to him. It wasn’t really enough to get him drunk, most people finished their drinks, but he would feel some effect anyway. And he liked it.  
He wanted more, but wasn’t old enough to buy it and didn’t dare ask someone to do it for him.  
He still felt some shame, but he didn’t let it bother him too much anymore. If he was damned, then so be it.

One night, Toki had just started his shift when Rune came back to talk to him. “Toki, no drinking tonight. Ingrid called in, her daughter’s sick, so I need you to work the front.” He noticed Toki’s shocked expression. “What? I know you’re drinking, they all do it. I don’t care as long as you’re not taking it from the bottles. But not tonight, you’re still underage and if the authorities come in you have to be sober. Understood?”  
“But I don’t know how to make drinks!” He couldn’t learn that fast, he just _couldn’t_.  
“Nah, I just need you to clear the tables.”

Yes he could manage that, Toki nodded.   
It was strange coming out to the front, seeing all the people. He’d catch glimpses of them through the door, of course, but they had always been so separate.  
Now they were nodding to him, smiling at him, occasionally pressing a tip into his hand.  
This wasn’t so bad... in fact it was actually kind of nice, the attention.  
The women in their tight clothes, so close, smiling and happy. He’d never been this close, had women notice him like this before.  
It was pretty awesome.

One in particular, he’d seen her before but only through the door.. She came on here a lot. She was older than him, but it was hard to tell how old and she had really big tits. He couldn’t help staring at them, displayed as they were by her low-cut shirt.  
She seemed to be watching him too.  
That made him nervous, he almost dropped a couple glasses. He didn’t, but _almost_.

Later when his shift was ending, he heard the voices though the now open door. Rune and what could only be that lady, talking about him. He’d missed the beginning due to other noise, but was straining to listen now.  
“Damnit Nadine, he’s just a boy. Leave him alone!”  
“He’s old enough to decide for himself, if he’s working here. You know I’d treat him good, and he’s just so cute! I want him, Rune.”  
Toki was a little worried, what exactly did she want? 

When he was finished, he came into the front and she was still there. Rune was throwing her disapproving glances, but as she’d pointed out, Toki was old enough to make his own decision here.  
She stood when he approached. “Toki, I’ve been waiting for you. How would you like to come home with me?” The look she was giving him couldn’t be interpreted as anything but seductive, if his mind didn’t understand his body would. She was pretty sure he was a virgin.  
Toki considered. He had his backpack with him as usual, and his room would still be there tomorrow. How many sins before it didn’t even matter anymore? He nodded.

“I’m Nadine. Let’s go, we can drink at my house. Would you like that?”  
Toki nodded again, trying to stop staring at her cleavage. He suspected he might be disappointing Rune, but he was going. He wasn’t going to pass up a chance like this.  
She led him to her car, then kissed him. Toki had never had a proper kiss before, but he copied what she did and liked it a lot.  
They got in the car, and she drove.

Toki was indeed a virgin, but he wasn’t nearly as ignorant as people might think. Of course he knew what sex was, and how it worked. He’d seen lots of animals breed, and had the misfortune to walk in on his own parents once. Fortunately they’s been under a blanket, but _still_.  
And there had been that magazine he’d found, the magazine full of naked women doing some barely imaginable stuff. He’d studied it closely, but then burned it. Being caught with something like that would have been very bad.

But the images were forever burned into his brain, he knew what women looked like naked, how sex worked. Even that you could do it in a lot of different ways.  
And this lady, Nadine, wanted to do those all things with him.  
How could he possible refuse?  
He was very nervous, but she’d promised alcohol and he knew that would help a whole lot. It was a sin of course, _everything_ was, but he couldn’t care about that right now.  
He was going to have sex!

They got to her house, it was a small house but nice. She parked, and Toki followed her inside. He wondered how he’d get back to his motel room later.  
Nadine motioned for him to sit on the couch, and went into the other room. She came back carrying a bottle of rum and two glasses, and sat beside him. “I’ve noticed you before, but you’re always in the back where it’s hard to see you. Such a shame, a handsome man like you shouldn’t be hidden away.”  
Nobody had ever called him a man before, or handsome.

She poured them some drinks and he drank his quickly, needing the help he knew it would give him. He was still too nervous.  
“Don’t be shy, you can touch me anywhere you want.” She leaned closer, kissing him again.  
Toki put his hands on her shoulders, then let one slide down, fingers brushing one partially exposed breast.  
She moaned into his mouth, encouraging him, so he grew bolder, his touches more deliberate.  
How could this be wrong, if it felt so right? Or was everything that felt good really bad?  
He realized he didn’t care all that much anymore.

More caressing, more alcohol later, they moved to the bedroom.   
Clothing was removed, the light was left on. Toki lost all remaining shyness as she did things to him with her hands and mouth that he’d only dreamed of before.  
He knew what to do, and even if he hadn’t, she did, his instincts did. Sex was pretty amazing, and Toki was sure it wasn’t just the alcohol.  
Nadine knew what she wanted and wasn’t shy about grabbing his ass and showing him exactly what she wanted him to do.

Afterwards, he wondered how he was supposed to leave, _if_ he was supposed to leave. He was pretty tired and her bed was so soft...  
“Toki, will you stay? I’d like you to.” Nadine was pressed naked against him trailing her fingers up and down his side. It felt nice.  
Toki nodded sleepily, and she stretched to turn off the light.   
Drunk and tired, he sept very well.

The next morning, he woke up naked and alone in a strange bed. After a moment of disorientation, he remembered everything that had happened, and smiled.  
Nadine came into the room, already dressed. She sat on the bed beside him, rubbing his back. It was nice. Toki was glad she didn’t ask about his scars, she must notice them but thankfully ignored them.   
“I don’t want to put pressure on you or anything, but would you like to live here for a while? With me?”  
Wasn’t his the part where he was supposed to wake up?

Toki could only think of one possible bad side to this. “How would I get to work?”  
“Oh, I can take you, or you can ride the bus. There’s a stop just around the corner. So does this mean you’ll stay?”  
“Yes.” He felt like he’d won some sort of lottery. Yes, living with this woman would be yet another sin, but it was a risk he was willing to take. It definitely seemed worth it.  
“Get up, let me show you the house.” She looked really happy now.

Embarrassed and feeling stupid for being embarrassed, Toki crawled out of the sheets and put his clothes on. She watched.  
The tour didn’t take long, and then they came to a closed door. Nadine opened it, and Toki was amazed by what this room contained. There were posters on the walls, a few toys, a television, and the thing that caught his attention the hardest, a guitar in the corner.  
“Whose room is this?”  
“My son’s. He lives in Germany with his father, but visits me sometimes.”

Germany? He’d noticed that she had a slight accent, but hadn’t thought much about it. “You’re German too?”  
“Yes Sweetie, I am. But I’ve lived here for many years, it’s my home now.”  
“How old is your... son?” This didn’t look like a little kid’s room.  
“Daniel is fourteen now. I see you looking at his guitar, do you play?”  
“I don’t know how.” But he wanted to know, really wanted to. Imagine being able to make music...

Nadine went over to the closet, looking for something. She turned back holding a couple videotapes. “These teach you how to play, if you’re interested. Daniel never gave them much of a try, I think he wanted to play but didn’t want to have to actually learn anything. Oh, they’re in English. You can understand that, right?”  
Toki nodded. His spoken English wasn’t the greatest, but he understood it just fine.  
“Okay, I have to go out for a while, so just make yourself at home. Watch some of those tapes if you want, I’ll be back later.”

Fixated on the guitar, Toki just nodded. She gave him a kiss and went on her way.   
Having seen music on TV, Toki knew how guitars worked. He plugged it into the tiny amp, and strummed it experimentally.  
It sounded _horrible_. He decided that he’d probably better watch those tapes after all.  
He put the first one (the one on top) in, and sat down on the narrow bed to see what he could do.  
Trying to put his fingers in the right places was _hard_. And he had to pay attention to what his other hand was doing, too.

By the end of the tape though, he was managing to mostly reproduce the simple chords in the lesson. He was playing music!  
Half way through the next tape, the pain in his fingertips got too bad to keep ignoring. How did the guitar players do it?  
Giving up, he stopped the tape to finish another time, and started looking at the other stuff in the room.  
He felt oddly guilty about touching anything but the guitar (which he intended to touch a lot more), so he soon got bored and wandered into other parts of the house.


	4. Paradise lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki is starting to have some trouble at home, but his guitar playing is coming along very well.  
> Warnings: OC’s, minor violence

Several months later, things weren’t looking so bright anymore.  
The sex was still great, but he couldn’t help feeling oddly _used_. Nadine didn’t love him, he knew that. He didn’t love her either, not really. Whatever this was, it wasn’t love.  
But she seemed to _only_ like him for the sex, and treated him like a child half the time when they weren’t in bed. He’d been trying to ignore it, after all he was only a few years older than her son, but it still got annoying.

The guitar almost made up for all that though, he was still playing. Fortunately his fingertips had grown the necessary callouses and it didn’t hurt anymore. Well, not much anyway.  
He was far beyond those beginner tapes now, and was using Nadine’s extensive music collection to try to teach himself more.  
He could play a lot of songs now, but he wanted to play the faster, heavier ones and they were still beyond him.

He was going to buy his own guitar though, he knew exactly which one he wanted. He’d seen it as soon as he walked into the local music store, it’s shape stood out from the rest.  
That was _his_ guitar, as soon as he could save up enough money.   
There were far cheaper ones, he could get a Squire like the one he was learning on for less than half the cost, but he wanted that one.  
They called it a Flying V, and it was beautiful. Someday it would be his.

Toki was also driving now, despite still never having gotten a licence.  
It had started innocently enough, Nadine was tired and needed a few things from the store. She knew it wasn’t legal, but she sent Toki anyway. “It’s an automatic, you pretty much can’t do it wrong. Just try not to run into anything,”  
And he hadn’t. Traffic was a bit scary, but there wasn’t much of that in their area. And driving itself was actually kind of fun.  
Some of the time anyway.

There were a few trouble spots in his paradise though.  
Toki had overheard a friend asking Nadine how her ‘latest toy’ was working out. They fell silent when they saw him, making him suspect that he had been the subject.  
Surely she didn’t think of him that way, surely her friend had been kidding? Nadine still seemed to want him quite a lot, although she had ‘places she had to be’ all of the time too.  
She never invited him to go, but he just assumed she was at bars. He wasn’t eighteen yet, so of course she couldn’t take him with her.  
But she always came home to him, in the end.

He practiced harder, his fingers were getting much faster.  
Sometimes they still got jumbled up and tripped all over themselves, forcing him to slow down, but those incidences were getting fewer.  
He was running out of things that he _couldn’t_ play. Some of his guitar fund went to buying tapes, he didn’t care what kind. He’d tell the person in the store to give him the one with the fastest guitars.  
Of course, most of these were metal.   
He was officially playing the devil music now, and loving it.

Getting older had also made it necessary to shave regularly, which Toki thought was rather a pain. He’d been lucky though, when it started really growing it came in pretty even, not all patchy like some people he’d seen.  
Sometimes he didn’t shave for a couple days, and then shave it into fun patterns. He was still working in the back, so it didn’t matter. Nadine didn’t like it much though, always nagging for him to shave it all off again.  
And he would, because then he could try a new pattern.

It was after watching some movie with Asian people that beat each other up that he tried one of the styles he’d seen.  
His last experiment had been a full goatee, so all he had to do was shave out the middle.  
Toki thought it looked pretty cool, which meant that Nadine would hate it.  
And she did, but he refused to shave it off, in fact he let it grow longer.  
It made him look older too, he liked that.

Nadine had turned out to be the jealous type, accusing him of looking at girls. She always wanted to know where he was.  
Toki felt that was extreme, he was usually at home, at work, or at the music store.   
He was very close to affording his guitar now, and was getting paranoid that someone would buy it before he could. Just another week or two...  
So he was less than excited when Nadine wanted him to get a passport, so they could go other places soon.  
But he got one anyway.

And then Toki bought his beloved Flying V, and a small practice amp like the one he’d been using.  
Whatever gods or devils that were looking after him had saved it for him, nobody had claimed it in all these months.  
The difference was amazing, it played so much better than the cheap Squire.  
He hadn’t realized just how much better it would be. The frets were high, the neck straight, the sound so clean.  
His playing started improving even faster now.

One day when he got to work, Lars was still there. He rarely saw the day shift worker, but knew who he was of course. “Toki, man, I need to talk to you about something.”  
This was strange, and it was time for him to start his shift. But Rune nodded to them. “It’s okay, go talk to him first.”  
They went in the back, Toki confused and Lars seeming nervous.  
“Look Toki... normally I’d stay out of this, but I just think you need to know about Nadine.”  
 _What_ about Nadine? Toki waited for more.

“You’re not the first guy she’s taken in like that, I know of a few others. And when you’re at work, she fucks other people.”  
“No, you must be wrong!” But now the he was being forced to face it, there had been signs...  
“I’ve been with her even, not since she’s been with you, but before. You should get out, you deserve better. Meet a nice girl your own age, you know?”  
This made sense, but...

It was impossible. He had nowhere to go, except back to that motel. His guitar had just used up almost all his money, he couldn’t afford to rent a place. And he couldn’t drag his guitar and amp around with him all the time, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to leave it in a motel room.  
“I can’t, I have nowhere to go. I can’t leave her.” But he found that he wished he could. This relationship, if it could even be called that, had deteriorated into something he didn’t care for at all. Even the sex, although it still felt great, had taken on an edge that he really didn’t like.  
But what could he do?

Lars wasn’t done yet though. “You remember my friend Terje?”  
Only vaguely, having met him once or twice, but Toki nodded.  
“Well he needs a new roommate, his got transfered. He’s a pretty cool guy, and it’s only a couple blocks from here... You interested?”  
It sounded too good to be true, and he’s learned to be suspicious of such things. “He wouldn’t want to have sex with me, would he?”  
Lars looked shocked at that. “No! He definitely wouldn’t want to have sex with you.”

“Okay.” He knew he should say something to Nadine, but it would be easier to sneak off like a coward. She’d gotten really good at manipulating him into doing what she wanted, and he didn’t dare give her the chance to change his mind.  
After his shift, he want home and tried to pretend that everything was normal, that he wasn’t planning to leave the next day as soon as she left the house.  
Unfortunately, Toki wasn’t all that good at pretending.

She knew he was hiding something, and accused him of cheating on her.  
He denied it of course, he wasn’t doing that. He now knew that _she_ was, but saying so would probably be a really bad idea.  
Screaming now, she wouldn’t back off. Toki just kept edging away from her, until she slapped him.  
He was _not_ going to take that. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, and the crazy bitch had hit him.

“Fuck you, I’m leaving.” Toki had never actually said that word before, but now seemed like the perfect time to start. He grabbed his backpack, glad that he’d never bought a whole lot of stuff. He shoved his things into it quickly.  
Nadine narrowed her eyes, then left the room.  
Knowing where she was heading, Toki dropped his bag and went after her. He still kept his guitar in her son’s room, wanting it to be a separate thing.  
He caught her in the doorway.

She turned on him when he grabbed her arm, striking wildly and drawing blood. He pushed her away, blocking the doorway. “If you hurt that guitar, I swear I’ll fucking kill you. I’m taking my stuff and I’m leaving. Tonight.” He turned away, muttering, “German whore...”  
Shocked at being spoken to that way, she backed down. Then she started to cry, maybe tears would be more effective?  
They weren’t.  
Toki grabbed the rest of his stuff and walked out the door.


	5. Music is freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki moves in with Terje, and gets involved in the local music scene.  
> Warnings: OC’s

Not knowing where else to go at that hour, Toki headed for work. Nobody would be there for hours, but it was the middle of the night and his options were limited.  
He sat on the steps, his guitar protectively behind him, thinking.  
Women were crazy. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and he got accusations and abuse. His lip was bleeding a little where a lucky blow had landed, but it was minor. He’d endured far worse in his life.  
The hours until opening time passed very slowly.

Rune found him sitting there when he arrived to open the bar. “Well I guess you moved out. Come on inside, Lars will be here soon and we’ll get him to call his friend so you take your stuff there.”  
Toki was a little surprised, but quickly realized that it must have been Rune that had told Lars to talk to him yesterday.  
“Toki, have you slept?”  
“No.” How could he sleep? He had his guitar to watch. Theft was unlikely, but he hadn’t been willing to take even that small chance.

“Take tonight off. Get settled, get some sleep.”  
Stubbornly, he shook his head. “Can’t, I’m out of money. Let me work.”  
Rune was even more stubborn. “No, you need to rest. I’ll advance you your pay if you want, but you’re not working tonight.”  
Resigned, Toki slumped in a chair, waiting for Lars. Rune sat across from him. “Hey I know it sucks, but you’re better off without her. Nadine is a manipulator form way back.”  
Toki just shrugged, nothing he could do about it now.

It wasn’t long before Lars got there, and Rune sent them on their way.  
Soon they came to what Toki had assumed was some sort of business, there was a second door he’d never paid any attention to in his wanderings. It was a stairwell, and they went up.  
The upper floor were apartments, and Lars banged on the door of number 6. “Terje! Wake up, you lazy bastard, your new roommate’s here!”  
That didn’t seem very polite.

Soon the door opened and a skinny shirtless guy with a mess of blond hair and a goatee was waving them in.  
“Toki, right? I’m Terje. I remember meeting you once or twice I think... vaguely.” He pointed to a door. “Anyway, that will be your room.”  
Curious, Toki carried his stuff over and opened the door. It was small, but so what? And there was a bed! He set his things down.  
He even had a window. The view wasn’t much, but it let the light in.

Lars had to get back to work, so he left pretty quickly.  
Toki was looking around when Terje came back out of his own room, dressed and with his hair pulled back. It didn’t look like he’d combed it, but it was restrained. He gave a quick tour.  
There wasn’t all that much to see, it was just the two bedrooms, a living room, a bathroom, and the kitchen. Nothing fancy. The fridge held only beer and assorted condiments, either Terje was out of food or he couldn’t cook either.

Terje flopped down on one of the battered couches, motioning for Toki to sit somewhere. He chose the other couch.  
“So, I see you’ve got a guitar... you any good?”  
Toki nodded, “I’m getting pretty good.” He hadn’t seen any instruments... “Do you play anything?”  
“I’m a drummer, man, but I keep my kit at work. I work at that new club, you know the one I mean? With all the live music?”

He’d heard of it, but never been. “So you have a band?”  
“Yep, sure do. We just play locally though, for fun. But we have this thing at the club every Thursday where just anybody can come in and play, you should come.”  
That sounded really great, actually getting a chance to play with other people, but he had to work. And besides, he was still underage. “I work Thursdays.”  
“Aw, just tell Rune you want to play. He’s a cool guy, he’ll let you switch your schedule.”

Toki nodded, he’d definitely consider it.  
Terje checked his watch, and stood up. “I gotta go to my other job. Oh yeah, sheets and towels are in the hall closet. You can use them but you’ve gotta wash them.”  
“You have two jobs?” Did he make enough money to live here?  
“Yeah, but this one is just helping out my dad a couple days a week. No big deal. He hates it when I’m late though, so I gotta go.” He stepped into his shoes and grabbed his keys, then worked one off the ring and tossed it to Toki, “Here, I almost forgot. You need a key.”

Then he was gone, and Toki was alone in his new place.  
And very tired. It was tempting to curl up right where he was on the couch, but that might not be acceptable. Dragging himself up, he located some sheets and made his new bed.  
He’d put his stuff away properly later.  
Terje seemed okay, that was good.  
And he might get to really play music!  
He fell asleep.

****

Two weeks later, Toki had changed his Thursday schedule and went to the club with Terje for the first time. He was nervous, but they didn’t check his ID. Maybe it was because he was with Terje, maybe it was that he really did look older with facial hair. He didn’t push his luck by trying to buy a drink though.  
There were a lot of musicians there. Terje seemed to know most of them, but then, he ran this thing. He always had the first song though, it was tradition, picking his ‘band’ from those who’d come to play.

Among his choices, he picked Toki so he could show people what he could do. It was a pretty fast song, but he knew Toki could play it and it would impress some of the others.  
Toki was nervous, never having been of stage before, but as soon as they started playing it was gone.  
There was only the music, he _became_ the music as it poured out from beneath his flying fingers. He never wanted to be anything else.  
People _were_ impressed, and Toki was picked several more times for the faster songs.

It was the best night of his life so far, and Toki decided to change his schedule permanently. Maybe someday he could be in a band... that would be awesome. Terje had told him that he was good enough.  
But how? He had to work most nights, it just didn’t look like he could do it.   
Someday he’d have his own band, but for now he could be happy with this, just being on stage and playing music.

It became a weekly thing, playing in that club. Toki never missed a Thursday.  
By the time anybody thought to ID him, he’d already turned eighteen and it didn’t matter anymore.  
Now that he could legally buy alcohol, he started refilling their beer supply occasionally instead of just leaving some money for what he drank. They went through a lot of beer, between them and whoever else might stop in.  
It seemed like somebody was always around.

Living with Terje was going very well. Since they both worked in bars and were on a similar schedule, a lot of potential problems were just never a problem to start with.  
Terje didn’t have a girlfriend, but he occasionally brought somebody home with him, or just fucked some of the chicks that came over. Some people might mind, but Toki didn’t care.  
He got some attention himself, but wasn’t ready to deal with women again just yet.

Some of the people who came on Thursdays were metal musicians, there were a few who even liked to wear corpse paint.   
Even though he now knew they weren’t really devils, Toki couldn’t help staring at them at first. But they were just regular guys.  
He knew that one a long time ago, his ‘Devil’, had only been the same. Just a musician, just a regular guy. He wished he’d at least known the name of that band, because devil or not, the man had changed his life.

He’d asked a few of the metal guys, just out of curiosity, if they knew of a black metal band that played Llillehammer a couple years ago.   
Nobody could remember, if they’d ever known. The general opinion was that it probably just some local band.  
The local metal scene was growing. Toki had gotten a few offers to join bands, but they couldn’t work around his work schedule so he declined.  
There would always be more opportunities later.

They had parties sometimes, at their apartment. The building was old and had really thick walls, so as long as they didn’t let things got too out of hand nobody complained.   
People Terje knew, people from the club, and always chicks. It seemed that girls liked musicians. Some girls liked musicians quite a lot.  
There was always tons of alcohol on a party night, everybody brought some. This led to things that just didn’t happen to sober people.

Toki had been shocked the first time he’d had to step over a couple having sex in the hallway, but after seeing more random nudity and/ or sex, he got used to it.  
He still wasn’t interested in dating, but he’d fucked some of the chicks when really drunk.  
Not very often though, waking up and trying to remember who you slept with the night before wasn’t cool. Half the time he couldn’t even remember if it’d been any good, he’d just wake up to a used condom on the floor.  
Sometimes he didn’t even know if it was his, or if somebody had used his room.

Toki did like kissing, especially when he was drunk, but he was getting less and less likely to actually sleep with any of them.  
Some people had started saying that he was a little weird. Some people who didn’t know better thought he might be a virgin, or shy.  
It wasn’t that, he just hadn’t met anyone who seemed interested in _him_. They liked him because he was Terje’s friend and roommate, or because he was a musician. Or simply because he had long hair.

Toki felt like he had it made, everything he could ever want seemed within his reach, just waiting for him to grab it.  
He still played every Thursday, and occasionally subbed for real bands if one of their guitarists was sick or otherwise just couldn’t make a show. They were never his band, but he was playing for a real audience.  
Life was a pattern of sleeping, working, and parties, with music wrapped around it all.  
Most of a year passed.


	6. Girl trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki and another chick, yep, sorry. And drama will happen.  
> Warnings: OC’s

It was at one of their little parties that he noticed her, a girl who just seemed somehow different from the rest.  
She wasn’t flirting with people or staggering around drunk, she was just sitting quietly off to the side watching everyone.   
He was pretty sure he’d never seen her before, even drunk he thought he would have remembered her.  
She looked toward him and he turned away, not wanting her to know he’d been staring.

Some chick came up to him, throwing her arms drunkenly around his neck. “Toki!”  
Who the fuck was she? Had he slept with her or something? He had no idea. Fortunately, she soon spotted someone else and moved on to grab them instead.  
There were too many people in the room, it was suddenly too much. Toki went into the kitchen, leaning against the counter and staring out the window at nothing.  
Just trying to clear his head a little.

He felt something tap his arm, and looked down.   
It was the girl he’d noticed earlier. There was just something about her that made him feel shy.  
She grinned up at him. “You’re Toki, right?”  
He nodded, wondering how she knew his name. How did _any_ of them know?  
“I’m Lina. I don’t know anyone here, will you keep me company?”  
She was too cute. Toki nodded again, and she grabbed his hand, leading him. He picked up a couple beers as they passed a cooler, and she led them to an empty couch.

Lina sat, curling he legs under her and leaning toward Toki. “You’re cute.”  
Toki blushed. Forward women tended to make him want to move away (unless he was really drunk), but he didn’t want to move away from her at all. “You’re pretty.”  
She giggled, taking a sip of her beer.  
Then she leaned closer and kissed him. Of course he kissed her back.

And was swatted in the back of the head.  
“Wartooth, hands off my little sister!” Terje was frowning down at them.  
Toki didn’t know how to respond to that, looking back and forth between them. His _sister_? Really?  
Lina jumped up. “Shut up Terje, I’m not a little girl anymore!”  
“Yes you are. And Dad just called, he wants you home in fifteen minutes. Go.”  
With a glare at Terje and an apologetic look at Toki, she got up and headed for the door.

Terje shook his head and sat on the couch. “Sorry Toki, but she’s not one of these band sluts.” He sat back, picking up her abandoned beer and drinking it. “She’s impossible. She thinks now that she’s sixteen, she’s all grown up and she can do anything she wants.”  
“I didn’t even know you had a sister.”  
“Yeah, she lives with our mom. She comes down to visit Dad and me once or twice a year, then goes home. She’s only staying a month, so don’t do anything stupid like think you’re in love with her.”  
That hadn’t even crossed his mind, so Toki nodded agreeably.

A few days later though, it wasn’t that simple anymore.  
Lina hung around a lot, and she hung around Toki a lot if Terje didn’t stop her.  
Toki had never really interacted with someone around his age like this before, and couldn’t help but find her fascinating. He _wanted_ to spend time with her, more and more time.  
She wanted to kiss him a lot, and sometimes (if Terje wasn’t watching) he let her. He wanted to do more than that, but knew it wasn’t a good idea.

If Terje didn’t kill him, her dad surely would.   
There was just too much at risk, but he couldn’t just seem to ignore her, to push her away.  
Even worse, he was starting to look forward to seeing her way too much, and missed her if she didn’t show up.  
Of course, she had to spend time with her dad, that was why she was here.  
But he wanted her all to himself.   
He knew he shouldn’t think that way, but he couldn’t help it.

And then, after a couple weeks of this, she showed up right after Terje left to work with his dad. Of course she knew their schedule, it wasn’t an accident, but Toki felt that he should point it out anyway. “Terje just left.”  
“I know that silly, I came to see you.”  
Those words shouldn’t make him so damn happy. She was his roommate’s sister, she would be leaving soon... There were so many reasons why this could never be.  
But he didn’t care.

They sat on the couch, kissing again.  
Toki kept stopping her when she tried to take things further, and she was getting annoyed. And a little suspicious. She moved, straddling his legs and sitting back on his knees. “Toki? Can I ask you something?”  
Having no clue what it might be, he just shrugged.  
She took a deep breath. “Are you a virgin.”  
“No!” Why the hell was she asking him that?

“Well I’m not either, I’ve had a boyfriend before. So what’s the big deal? I like you a lot. In fact, I think I even love you. Don’t you like me too?”  
“I like you.” It was hard to admit. “I like you too much.”  
She scooted forward and wrapped her arms around him happily, kissing him again.  
He kissed back at first, but there was only so much hot chick squirming in his lap that he could take, and he pushed her away again.

He _couldn’t_ fall in love with her. She was Terje’s sister, and she was leaving in a couple weeks, he kept reminding himself of that. And he couldn’t treat her like some cheap slut, she meant more to him than that. He actually respected her.  
But it was so hard to keep turning her down, when what he really wanted to do was strip all her clothes off and-  
He shook his head to clear it. He couldn’t let himself think about that, not with her.  
It couldn’t work.

A few days later, she caught him alone again. “Toki, will you do something for me?”  
“I told you we can’t do that.”  
To his surprise, she laughed. “No, not _that_. Well, not this time anyway. I want to go skating, and I’m not allowed to go alone. Will you come with me?”  
“I don’t know how to skate.” Was it even still cold enough? “Are you sure it’s safe?”  
“It’s fine, I go every time I come down here! And I can teach you how. Can we go? Please, Toki, please?”  
How could he say no? He couldn’t. “Okay.”

She squealed excitedly. “Let’s find Terje’s skates for you!”  
“No. I’ll just watch you, okay?” He really didn’t feel like trying to learn to skate, it didn’t look all that fun anyway.  
They went down to her car, and it was a relatively short drive to the lake. It was indeed still frozen, but Toki worried anyway. They’d had some warm days lately. She knew what she was doing though, didn’t she?  
Lina put on her skates, and started doing some stretches at the edge of the pond.  
Toki climbed on the hood of the car (it was warm) and watched her.

She was far from an expert skater, she didn’t know any tricks, but she could glide around just fine. She skated in figure eight’s and circles, daring to go farther and farther out with each pass.  
A sudden sharp sound made Toki jump up, the distinctive sound of breaking ice.  
He saw Lina drop flat on the ice and spread out, distributing her weight. Smart girl, but would it be enough? Toki stopped at the edge of the pond, he couldn’t go out to her, it would never hold him. She would have to inch herself in.  
And then the ice under her gave the rest of the way, dumping her into the freezing water.

Yanking off his coat, Toki ran slipping onto the ice.  
He knew he was going in, he knew how bad it was going to hurt when he did. He just hoped he could get to her in time, get them out again.  
Still too far away, he heard the ice cracking and dove, hoping he could slide the rest of the way, get close enough to reach her.  
She had gone under, but he knew where.  
If only he could get there.

The ice broke, and Toki fell into liquid pain.  
It was all he could do to breathe, to try to force himself to move. But he was so close, he knew he was. He dove down, reaching.  
Luck was with him, he found her, caught her jacket. Fighting to get back to the surface.  
He grabbed the edge of the ice, but it broke in his hand.  
Again and again as he tried to hold on.

Finally he’d worked his way closer to shore, where the ice was thicker and at last stopped breaking, still dragging Lina behind him.  
With a huge effort, he managed to get her upper body onto the ice.   
They’d been in the freezing water too long, time was running out.  
Toki tried to climb out, but he was out of strength. But he _had_ to. He tried yet again.

And made it, finally getting far enough to roll himself fully onto the ice.  
Staying flat, he moved to Lina, trying to drag her the rest of the way out of the water.  
If the ice broke again, they would both die. He knew he couldn’t get them out twice.  
He was shivering badly, but that was good. That meant he wasn’t dying yet. She wasn’t, he couldn’t even tell if she was breathing as he inched them toward shore.  
They made it.

Toki tried to pick her up, but his body wouldn’t cooperate anymore. He had to drag her across the snow.  
It took a huge effort to get her into the car, pushing, and dragging from the other side. She ended up laying awkwardly across the back seat, but she was in.  
Luckily she’d left the key in the ignition, because Toki was shaking too badly to have managed it. Still, it took several tries to force his numb fingers to start the car.  
The hospital, he had to get her to the hospital.

Driving too fast and somewhat badly, he managed it.  
Toki stopped at the emergency entrance, yelling at the people who came out to help. They responded quickly, sliding her onto a stretcher and whisking her away. A nurse demanded he come in too, he was soaking wet and still shaking badly. The car heater hadn’t really done much good at all, he was too cold.  
An orderly was instructed to move the car.

Inside, they wanted to admit him too, but he refused. He had to call Terje. They knew each other’s work numbers by now, he should be at the club.   
Terje answered the phone, sounding like he always did.  
“Terje, it’s Toki. Come to the hospital.”  
“What happened?” He sounded really concerned now.  
“I’m sorry... she wanted to go skating... the ice broke!”

There was a lot of swearing, and it sounded like he hit something. “Is she okay?”  
“I don’t know! They took her away, and they won’t tell me anything!”  
“I’ll be right there.” And he hung up.  
Toki sat in one of the chairs, still shivering. A nurse gave him a heated blanket and he wrapped it around him. It helped a little.  
There was a itchy burning sensation starting in his hands and feet that he knew would get a lot worse before it got better. He had to just endure it.

Terje showed up with a man who must be their father. They went straight to the desk, and were ushered back to... probably wherever they’d taken Lina.  
After an eternity of minutes, Terje came back out alone, and sat next to Toki. “They say she’s going to be okay. They’re going to keep her here a few days, then Dad’s taking her back home.”  
“Can I see her?”  
“No man, they’re not gonna let you in. Sorry. But you saved her... Damn Toki, are you okay?”  
“Probably. Don’t care.” If he hurt this bad, then nothing was frozen.  
Terje stood up and held out his hand. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”


	7. Toki relocation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An American asks Toki to play with his band, after an accident leaves them short a guitarist.  
> Warnings: OC’s, and don’t read while driving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Yes, this is Silas and his band from Changes, same guy, different back story. I’ve been wanting to reuse him for a while now.  
>  ***Also, none of these bands are Dethklok, so don’t break your brains thinking they might be.***

Lina was gone, her dad had driven her back home without letting him see her, not even once.  
Toki was physically fine, although he’d missed a couple days of work while recovering from that incident. But he wondered, was this some sort of punishment? When he’d finally found someone he cared about, she was taken from him. She’d almost _died_.   
He loved her. He didn’t want to admit it even to himself, but that changed nothing.  
Terje had said several times that he’d saved her, that he was a hero, but somehow he still felt responsible.

Although a little depressed, Toki had fallen back into the pattern of his life.  
He went to work, he played on Thursdays, and he slept a lot when he wasn’t doing either of those things.  
He’d tried to call Lina, but her dad had refused too let him talk to her and told him not to call again. That sucked, but he obeyed.  
He wasn’t messing with the chicks at all anymore, he just didn’t want to, but otherwise things were back to normal.

The local music scene was changing now.  
Terje was excited because a multi-band tour was actually going to stop in the next city. He thought most if not all of the bands were American. He was going, of course, this was too big to miss.  
Apparently the American metal scene had been changing, getting heavier. Most of these bands probably wouldn’t last though.  
Toki couldn’t go, he had to work. He could have gotten off, but he just didn’t like to ask.

But it turned out that it was just as well that he hadn’t been there, a fire had broken out while the last band was playing.  
Terje was fine, he’d gotten out with no real problem, but several people had been hurt or killed. It was all anyone was talking about, it seemed that everyone had been there, or knew someone who was.  
It sounded scary, yet really exciting. Toki couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for that band, watching from the stage as everything went all to hell around them.

The next night, Toki was at work when he got a phone call. Rune came back with an odd expression, and told him Terje needed to talk to him.  
Worried that it was something serious (Lina?), Toki answered the phone and was instantly confused by the excitement in Terje’s voice.  
“Toki, you gotta get down here _right now_! I’m not kidding man, get over here! I told Rune, he’ll let you leave.”  
“Okay?” He had no idea what was going on. Toki looked at Rune, who just waved him to go, so he did.

At the club, Terje was sitting with some guy that Toki had never seen before. “So what’s going on?”  
“Toki, man, this is your lucky night. This guy here is your ticket to the top, and now we’ve got to speak English because he has no idea what the fuck we’re saying.” Switching languages, Terje continued. “This is Silas, it was his band on the stage when the fire happened. The other guitar player got a burn and is not allowed to play, they need a player to keep finish the tour. Silas, this is my room mate Toki.”

Silas looked him over. “I hear you’re a pretty good guitarist, and you’ve got a passport already?”  
“Yes, I gets it a whiles back. Never uses it though. Why you wants me?”  
“Well, this tour was our big chance. We’re really lucky to even get included, ya know? And then last night, Jon, he’s my rhythm player, got burned when shit started falling and his arm’s all wrapped up. We don’t wanna have to quit. This place has a reputation, so I came here to ask around for somebody to fill in, and this guy said you could do it.”  
Toki shook his head sadly. “I can’ts do it.”

Terje switched back to Norwegian. “What the hell, man? _Of course_ you can do it, you can’t pass up a chance like this!”  
“But I have a job, and you need me too, to help pay the rent! I can’t just leave everybody!”  
“Yes you can, this is your ticket out of here! I can find another roommate if I need to, and Rune’s gonna tell you the same thing. You _can’t_ pass this up.”  
Silas was just waiting, having no idea what they were arguing about.

Toki sighed, and turned to him. “How does you even knows you wants me, you hasn’t heard me play.”  
“I was getting to that. Can we use the stage for a few minutes? Can we play?”  
Terje nodded, it was a slow night so nobody would really care. “Go ahead.”  
Toki didn’t have his guitar with him of course, so he grabbed ‘the loaner’, as they called it. It was just a spare that was kept for anybody who didn’t or couldn’t bring theirs, nothing fancy but it played alright.

“My band’s Assassination Time, I guess you’ve probably never heard of us?” Toki shook his head, as expected. “That’s okay, can you just play what I play?”  
Of course he could, that’s how he learned every song he knew. “Yes.”  
And so they played. It was fast, but still well within Toki’s capabilities.   
Silas was indeed impressed. “Yeah, you can do it alright. Will you? We’re supposed to leave here in three days.”  
“Can I tells you tomorrows? I gots to talk to some people.”

“Fair enough. Oh, and you’re twenty-one, right?”  
Uh-oh, was that a requirement? “Noes, but I’s almost twenty.”  
Terje did a double take. “Shit, Toki, you’re only nineteen? I thought you were my age!”  
Silas just shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter that much, not here in Europe anyway. Here’s my number where we’re staying, talk to who you’ve gotta talk to and let me know, okay? We really don’t want to have to quit the tour, and the odds of finding another good guitarist who already has a passport... I hope you’ll do it.”

Later that night, Terje was still way too excited. He wouldn’t shut up about it, and Toki was having a hard time tuning him out so he could think.  
Finally he just went to his room. Silas had told him that the tour ended ‘back in the US’, and that he could either stay or they’d get him a plane home.   
He didn’t still have that much stuff, if he sold his practice amp he could easily carry everything. And he didn’t really need the amp anymore anyway, he could practice without it now.

The next day, Toki talked to Rune. He was worried about leaving him shorthanded.  
Rune wanted him to do it, in fact he threatened him. “Son, if you don’t take this opportunity... I’ll fire you if you don’t go on your own. You’re very talented, you need to be on stage, not washing dishes. Go, and take your stuff with you, you probably won’t come back.”  
It was decided then. If _everybody_ thought he should do it, he was going to do it.  
Toki called Silas and accepted.

In the morning, Terje drove him to the place where their bus was. People were loading stuff into it.  
To Toki’s surprise, Terje gave him a hug. “You’ve been a great roommate, now go be famous.”  
Toki hugged him back, then grabbed his bag and his guitar from the car.  
Silas greeted him as he walked over to the bus, and some guy took his things and put them away.  
There seemed to be too many people, but it was explained that they were sharing the bus with one of the other bands. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry, so they all got on and found a seat.

Assassination Time apparently wasn’t very friendly with strangers, they stayed separate from the other band. And other than Silas and Jon, the guy he was standing in for, they didn’t show much interest in Toki either.  
After introductions, Silas and Toki sat alone in the back, playing guitar. He only had a couple days to learn the songs. After a while, Jon came back and watched. He was a little high from the painkillers he was on, but clearly a bit depressed that he couldn’t play.

****

Toki’s first big concert was unlike anything he’d even imagined.  
The sheer size of the crowd... it didn’t matter that most of them had come to see other bands, they were still there.  
Even though he wanted to remember every little detail, it was so overwhelming that it all wanted to run together.  
Still, he loved it. This was where he wanted to be, in front of the audience.  
By the time they were finished, there was no turning back.

There was a big after party when it was over. Just the bands, and a lot of chicks that had been allowed to stay. Without the crowd, the place was huge and mostly empty.  
One guy, Toki recognized him as the singer from the headlining band, was going around with a big tray of shot glasses. “One each, only one! Special shots, we’re partying tonight!”  
Special? It tasted like regular alcohol. And why only one?  
He was already pretty drunk though, they’d all started drinking as soon as their set was finished.

Not long after, time quit working right, making odd jumps and even stopping for periods.  
Toki found himself on the floor making out with some chick, he had no idea how he’d gotten there. Or where his shirt was.  
Everything had taken on an unreal edge, he felt completely disconnected from what he was doing.  
Things blurred out.

Looking around- how much later?- bodies writhing everywhere. Naked people.  
He was laying on the floor.  
With surprise, he noticed he was naked too, and that some chick was riding him. Was she even real? Everything kept shifting.  
Surreal tableau of skin and shapes, was this hell?  
Someone had turned all the lights to red.

Two guys, don’t know who, naked together.  
No, that was wrong, father shot the dogs. Dogs that did that, evil he said.  
Two chicks, fighting over him. Pulling, dragging, why? Can’t get up.  
The new one, the same one, he couldn’t tell. Doing things to him.   
Everything still unstable, pulsing and insane.  
He closed his eyes and tried to make it stop.

****

Toki woke up on the bus, slumped in his seat with a blanket thrown over him. Somebody had put his clothes next to him, that was nice.  
It was oddly quiet. He quickly got dressed, still feeling just a little strange, and stood up.  
Some of the others were awake. Silas saw him standing and waved him over.  
He had to hold onto the seats to make it down the isle. What was wrong with him?

He dropped into an empty seat. “What happens last nights?”  
Silas grinned. “Drugs, man. I’m not sure what kind, but on top of the alcohol... whoo I was gone.”  
“Oh noes, we does drugs?!” That was evil, right?  
“Chill, it’s no big deal. If you don’t wanna, don’t drink anything somebody calls ‘special’. I don’t normally, but that was the biggest show _ever_!”  
Toki nodded thoughtfully. It hadn’t killed him, maybe it was really no big deal? 

He decided to avoid the ‘special’ shots though, it had just been too strange and out of control. He didn’t even know if he’d liked it, not really.  
Maybe some other time, but it was just too much to deal with right now.  
He still drank of course, often heavily. He gotten fairly comfortable with that over the years. Sure it was ‘wrong’, (what wasn’t, by his father’s standards?) but he didn’t really care. His fate and his destiny were out of his hands, for the most part.

Toki spent his twentieth birthday on stage. He’d lost track of what country they were in now, but it didn’t really matter anyway.  
There was another huge crowd, he loved playing for them.  
He wanted a band like this, a big band where he could stand on stage and feel the eyes of the world upon him. This was where he belonged, the only place he’d ever truly belonged.

****

The last show, the ‘homecoming show’ as they called it, was in the United States.  
Toki had heard a lot about the country, but at a glance it didn’t seem to be all that different than anywhere else they’d been.  
It was time to decide, should he go back to Norway or stay and see what this country had to offer? The metal scene was growing, they would need good guitarists.  
He had enough money to get a place to live, so he decided to stay and take a chance.


	8. Too fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone in America, Toki searches for a band of his own. (Montage chapter that covers a couple years.)  
> Warnings: OC’s

Toki had rented a tiny apartment, the lady had called it an ‘efficiency’. Apparently that meant it was only on room, but he didn’t need much space. It was cheap and that was all that really mattered, he’d find somewhere else soon. It had even come with some furniture that the last person had left. The manager had apologized and said she’d have it cleared as soon as possible, but he’d asked her to just leave it all. It would be one less thing to worry about.  
His old bear, hidden for all these years because he didn’t want to explain it, was now on his mattress. It was a connection to his past.

A lot of walking and asking questions had led him to a club that did what he wanted, they called it ‘open mic’ here. Surely he could find a band soon, after all he’d just finished a huge tour.  
The bad news was that he couldn’t drink here, the laws were different than he was used to. That sucked, he’d been legally drinking for two years, and now he wasn’t allowed?  
Well, when he found his band they’d all drink together, he was pretty sure that would the same. That’s what bands did, when they weren’t playing.

He had no phone, it was an extra expense that he didn’t see a real need for.   
Who was he going to call anyway? Silas and his band were now far away, back where they were from. And he’d heard that calling overseas was really, really expensive. Besides, he didn’t want to call until he had a band and could tell them all about it.  
He missed them, but this was what he’d chosen and he was going to make it work.

The local music store had a bulletin board, there were lots of people looking for a guitarist. This was going to be pretty easy after all! Toki took several of the little number slips cut into the bottom of the papers. He’d never heard of any of these bands, but that was okay.  
Using the payphone outside, he called the first one and got invited to come right over. That was easy!  
Toki ran home to get his guitar. Then he realized he had no idea where to go, and had to pay for a taxi to take him there.

The address was a house, not a very nice one. The band seemed to play in the garage, and there were old mattresses nailed to the walls. Maybe the neighbors didn’t like music?  
They seemed like okay guys though. They offered an amp, and asked to hear him play.   
Toki plugged in his guitar and played, watching their faces carefully.   
At first they were neutral, but then they seemed to disapprove. Puzzled, he played faster. Was he not good enough?  
Faster didn’t help, he could see them shaking their heads. He stopped and waited for them to say whatever.  
“Sorry man, I don’t think you’d fit with our sound.”

Toki went home, assuming it was just a fluke. But again and again it happened, nobody wanted to let him join.  
Finally, one band’s singer explained it to him. “Look, you’re just too good, way too fast. You make our guy look bad, you understand?”  
Too fast? Fast was bad? “I can play slower! I will!”  
“It’s no good dude, you’re just... We’d know, you’d know. It wouldn’t work.”  
This was very discouraging.

The open mic thing was better though, actually getting to play with people. Of course, most of them had bands and were just there for fun, but it was still nice.  
He’d been worried he wouldn’t be allowed in because he was underage (again), but it was okay as long as he let them draw X’s in his hands.  
He couldn’t drink though, there was nothing he could do about that except wait.  
And play, play as much as anyone would let him.

Toki had really expected to find a band quickly, and move in with them or something. He hadn’t expected to still be in his not-so-temporary apartment and running out of money fast.  
He had no real experience, so he looked for a job that didn’t require any.  
A café on the next block needed a dishwasher. It was hardly a step forward, but it would pay the rent.  
To his surprise, he was hired.

He didn’t have a green card or a work permit of course, and didn’t even know he was supposed to have one. But the lady who ran the place had a history of hiring illegals and paying them under minimum wage since they couldn’t complain. A clueless young guy like Toki was an ideal catch for her.  
She was kind of a bitch and a little scary.  
So now he had a job. It didn’t pay very much, but it seemed like everything was just more expensive here.

****

A year passed.  
Toki was still washing dishes and playing on open mic night, but he’d given up on finding a band.  
Being turned down again and again, by everyone he’d tried out for...  
He’d quit practicing. After years of trying to play faster, play better, he just quit. Nobody wanted him anyway.  
At the music store, there were still lots of signs advertizing the need for guitarists. But now, almost all of them had ‘No Toki’ written on them.

At least he could buy alcohol now, not that his thin budget needed the added strain.  
His life had become an endless loop of working, wandering around aimlessly or sitting in his apartment drinking, and playing on open mic nights.  
He was close to just giving up completely, everybody had been wrong, this wasn’t his destiny.  
But he just couldn’t walk away from the music forever.  
Somehow, they were still linked.

There were many days when he considered going back to Norway, back to his old life.  
But his old life was long gone, and he knew it. Even if he could afford the plane ticket (he couldn’t), what was there to return to?  
Terje would have a new roommate, or maybe even gotten married by now. He didn’t know, he’d lost all touch with them.  
And Rune, he probably wouldn’t take him back. And a dishwasher, well he was doing that right here.

At the open mic nights, a lot of people didn’t even want to play with him anymore.  
That sucked, he never showed off, never showed what he could do. He’d learned that lesson in the early days.  
But they knew anyway, he was known. The guy who was too fast for anyone to want to work with.  
But as long as he behaved himself (and he did), he still got to play.   
Sometimes anyway. There was the rare and horrible night when he never made it onto the little stage at all.

There was one this guy though, he didn’t come in very often, but he always wanted to play with Toki.  
Everyone talked about him but nobody was sure who he was. It was rumored that he was someone famous, slumming it in the bar scene. Toki never got involved in these discussions, but listened to the others talk.  
He went by Bill, but that was unlikely his real name, and always wore big sunglasses. Even inside, at night.  
The bar owner most likely knew his real identity, but never could be dragged into those conversations.

Bill was really fast, and not very nice. He was the kind of guy who would point and expect you to know what he meant rather than speak.  
He rarely spoke a word to anyone, but when he did it was clear that he was foreign. And what little he _did_ say was usually insulting.  
Toki liked it when he came in, he always played much faster songs than anyone else was capable of, and the insults had never been pointed at him.  
Of course, this didn’t help his situation with everyone else.

A lot of big bands came through his city, and it was even a popular stop for international tours.  
It seemed that almost every week a big act (or the next big act) was playing somewhere close by. Everyone talked about how _this_ was the place to be a musician, and how great the music scene was.  
There were fliers and posters all over town announcing the next show, and leftover ones from shows already played.  
Some people just didn’t bother taking them down afterwards.

Toki couldn’t ever go see any of them though, he couldn’t afford it. He _really_ wanted to, but the closest he could come was to hang around outside. The sound quality really sucked from there, but it was better than nothing.  
After paying his rent and bills, he barely had enough left over to eat with, concerts were completely out of the question.  
Sometimes he even had to choose between beer and food.  
Sometimes beer won.  
But he always managed to get by, somehow.

Assassination Time came back eventually, playing a tour with a few other bands. Toki had seen the fliers but of course he couldn’t afford to go.  
Silas managed to track him down though, by asking around the local bars. Toki was embarrassed that he didn’t have a band of his own yet, but it was still really good to see a familiar face.  
They sat in Toki’s apartment, drinking and talking about the past. When Toki insisted that he couldn’t possibly come to the show, even though he really wanted to, he was handed a backstage pass.

The next night, Toki got to experience going to his first real concert. (Well, one where he was just the audience anyway.)  
The energy in the place was incredible, why couldn’t he be a part of this? It almost made things worse, to see again what he was denied.  
Afterwards, backstage with the bands, everyone was running on that after-show high he remembered so well.   
Toki drank with them, staggered home around dawn, and missed work.

****

More time passed, but nothing changed.  
Toki had lost track of the music scene beyond the bar and the fliers, he didn’t have a TV and could no longer afford to buy albums. He had a cheap radio, but the local stations didn’t play much that he liked.  
Still, even he had heard of Dethklok, they were rapidly becoming the next big thing. Or maybe the biggest thing ever, if the hype could be believed.  
He’d seen their posters, they wore corpse paint. That was cool.  
It was rumored that they wore it any time they were in public.

Dethklok was fascinating, they’d come out of nowhere a few short years ago and it looked like nothing would stop them. They never played around here though, they were too big for that already or something.  
It was rumored that they were building a castle in a secret location, but surely that wasn’t right. A band living in a castle?  
The local stations didn’t play their stuff, but the music store did. Toki thought it was very good, but he couldn’t afford to waste money buying it. 

He’d quit dreaming that big a long time ago, these days Toki would have been happy to be accepted by a garage band. Even if they never played a club, even if they never went anywhere. Just to be in a band, finally, after all these years.  
Maybe he wasn’t even good enough anymore, he had never resumed practicing.  
Or maybe he was still _too_ good?  
The ‘No Toki’ signs were disappearing, but that was probably just because he’d quit calling the numbers posted.

Sitting on the floor in front of his single window, Toki drank and stared blankly at the traffic passing below him.  
In the corner, on his mattress, his old bear watched him. He’d gotten lonely enough to actually talk to the things sometimes, weird as that was.  
Maybe his father had been right about him, maybe this was hell.  
To have been so close, to have even toured, and then to be denied forever. A punishment?  
He kept drinking, it helped him not think, not care.


	9. Audition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill asks Toki to audition for his band, they’re looking for a new guitarist.

Toki was sitting at the bar, drinking a beer. It was open mic night but he hadn’t yet been asked to play.  
Of course, _he_ could do the asking, but he’d just never felt comfortable with that.  
To his surprise, the owner came over to him. The man had never even spoken to him before. “You’re Toki, right?”  
He nodded, wondering what this was about.  
“Bill wanted me to talk to you. His band is searching for a new rhythm guitarist, and he likes playing with you. Would you be interested in trying out?”

 _Of course_ he would! He still had no idea who Bill’s band was, but he didn’t care either. “Yes!”  
The owner nodded. “Okay. Can you be here tomorrow at three?”  
He had to work... He’d been told if he missed another day he’d be fired. If he lost his job, he couldn’t pay his rent. And nobody ever liked playing with him anyway.  
But this guy said that Bill did. Was it worth risking everything, for a chance at this mysterious band?  
Was there really anything left to even risk? “I’ll be heres.”

That night though, he was having second thoughts.  
It just seemed crazy to risk everything, what little he _did_ have, on a guy who never really even spoke to him.  
He was worried too, he’d never played as fast as he could with Bill. Maybe he wouldn’t want him if he found out what he could really do?  
Still, he’d been sitting here for years and had gotten nowhere.  
The American dream was a lie.

The next day, Toki was waiting at the bar.  
He was early, and he was surely fired from his job. If this didn’t work out, he was going to be in trouble.  
He drank a couple beers while he waited, recklessly using the little money he had.  
His guitar sat beside him, they’d come so far together and gotten nowhere at all.  
Three o’clock came and went, and no Bill.

But not too long after, he finally showed up.  
He took a seat beside Toki, and the bar guy handed him a beer. It seemed to be free, for him. “Hi, kid. I see you make it.”  
“The owners guy tolds me you needs a guitar players?”  
“Yes. I really hate guy that we got, and you play goods.” Bill drank his beer, Toki waited for him to go on.

“The funny part, they making him try people. Easy that way, finds better one and he goes away. He don’t even know, stupid.”  
That sounded pretty mean, making the guy essentially find his own replacement. Still, it was a band, and the only offer he’d gotten. “So are yous a popular bands?”  
Bill laughed so hard he almost fell off his stool. “Yes, very. You find out soon, we goes now?”  
He stood, and Toki stood to follow him.

They went out to a very nondescript car and got in.  
Bill drove for a while, then pulled over to the side of the road. Reaching in the back seat, he grabbed a bag and pulled out a hood of some sort. “I has to put this on you, nobody’s allowed to see.”  
A little worried now, Toki allowed it and they drove on. This whole ‘getting blindfolded’ part was creepy though. Well, if he ended up being taken to the middle of nowhere and killed, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about paying his rent.

An unknown amount of road later, they were apparently there.  
Toki reached for the hood, but Bill stopped him. “Not until we’s inside.”  
Carrying his guitar and allowing himself to be led, Toki felt the temperature change as the entered a building.  
Bill stopped him, and removed the hood.  
They were in a hallway. 

Bill weirded him out by suddenly taking off his shirt and hanging it on a hook. Why was he undressing? It wasn’t a _naked_ band, was it?  
Then he put on a different shirt, a black one. The hat and sunglasses joined the blue shirt, and his long hair was pulled free. He looked a lot different now. He looked familiar, but Toki still couldn’t quite place him.  
Some guy who changed in hallways and wore disguises, what band _was_ this?  
Still thinking hard, Toki followed when beckoned.

Bill opened a door, and it was a studio. There were four guys in there, and Toki suddenly realized who they were. Even without the familiar paint, Nathan Explosion was distinctive. Dethklok, _holy shit_ this was _Dethklok_!  
And they didn’t look very friendly or welcoming.  
Nathan glared at them. “Who the fuck is this, Magnus?”  
“I like plays with him, he trys out.” Bill- _Magnus_ glared right back.  
Toki tried to blend into the wall, rather unsuccessfully.

“No! We uh, already picked somebody!” Nathan wasn’t backing down, and he was really kind of scary.  
Neither was Magnus. “Just try Toki!”  
“I said no!” He made a move toward them, but the red-haired guy spoke up, stopping him.  
“Wait, dude! Toki? Toki frahm all tha ‘No Toki’ signs?”  
He nodded sadly.  
“Pickles, you know this guy?” He was still glaring, but no longer looked like he was about to hit anyone.  
“Yeah, know _of_ ‘em, he’s ‘posed ta be rally fast. Try ‘em out, what tha hell.”

Smirking in victory, Magnus moved to pick up his guitar. “Kid, come play.”  
Nathan stopped him. “No. He has to play Skwisgaar, not you.”  
Toki studied the blond guitarist he would be replacing. He felt bad about this whole thing, but he _had_ to play better. There probably wouldn’t be another opportunity like this again. The poor guy, did he even know he was being thrown out? He had to know, didn’t he? Unless he was really as stupid as Magnus said...  
Feeling guilty, Toki plugged in his guitar.

The guilt only lasted until Skwisgaar started playing.  
He was incredibly fast, and Toki was quickly regretting all his not-practicing. He’d probably lost his edge. Also, he didn’t know any Dethklok songs, there had been no point in learning them since nobody he knew could play them.   
Skwisgaar turned to him, clearly not impressed by yet another tryout. “You copies what I plays, ja?”  
The accent threw him off, it was almost like being back home again. “I copies.”

And so they started playing, back and forth.  
Magnus leaned against the wall looking smug, the others watched with unreadable expressions.  
As the pace quickened, the watchers’ expression began to change. Magnus was staring at them in disbelief, and others with a vague sort of wonder,  
Faster and faster Skwisgaar played, pushing Toki harder. Their fingers flew across the strings.

Toki was shocked to discover that he _wasn’t_ fast enough, not quite. This had never happened before. He tried as hard as he could, but he just couldn’t match the pace in a few places.  
It was over then, he’d gambled and lost everything.  
He tried to play even faster, but he just wasn’t capable. He was already doing the very best he could.

Finally, Skwisgaar stopped.  
Toki sadly unplugged his guitar and put it back in it’s case, hoping he could at least get a ride home.  
He saw Nathan glance at Skwisgaar, who just nodded. Then Nathan came over to him. “Hey. You’re hired.”  
Uncomprehending, he looked up at him questioningly. He _hadn’t_ been faster, they had to have heard that. He didn’t deserve to replace that guy. He’d _never_ even seen a talent like that before.

Magnus pointed and started laughing. “Skwisgaar, you’s out! Stupid, I don’t has puts up with you any more.”  
Skwisgaar stepped up to face him. “De joke ams on you, you ams de one who’s out.”  
“What? We get a new rhythm player! You’s replaced!”  
“Ja we gets a new rhythm players, and I ams replacing yous! Why you ams tinking dat _I_ does the trying outs, not you?”  
They looked like they might fight.

Magnus glanced at the others, saw that no one was going to side with him, then turned away. “Fuck you all! Kid, come away with me, we start another own band.”  
Toki looked between them. To go with Magnus, who claimed to like him yet never had even talked to him, or to stay and be in Dethklok? Yeah, no contest. Feeling traitorous, Toki shook his head.  
Fuming, Magnus glared at them all. “You can not just be doing this! You’s not seen the lasts of me!” He stormed out, slamming the door.

Toki surveyed his new band. They were a little scary, even if they hadn’t been Dethklok. That little fact alone scared the fuck out of him.  
Nathan seemed violent, and he was fucking _huge_.  
He wasn’t sure about Skwisgaar, he seemed okay, but to pull something like that on his own lead guitarist... that was disturbing.  
The redhead, Pickles, seemed pretty laid back. That was good.  
And the other guy hadn’t spoken a single word so far. Toki couldn’t remember his name, if he’d ever known.

Pickles waved him over, and patted the couch beside him. “Dude, cahm sit down an’ tawlk ta us.”  
Toki sat, and was handed a beer from the cooler. Skwisgaar sat beside the other guy, and Nathan was pacing the floor.  
Pointing with his beer, Pickles made introductions. “Ya prab’ly alreedy know, but I’m Pickles tha Drummer. Thet’s Nat’an, thet’s Skwisgaar, and thet’s Murderface. What’s yer whole name anyway?”  
“Toki Wartooth. I can’ts believe this is reals! I’s going to wakes up anytime, I bet.”

Nathan laughed at that. “We’re real. I gotta go call the manager and tell him. Hey, you wanna stay with us? We’ve got this old house for now, until out place is ready.”  
Not that he really had options, but he wanted to. Toki nodded, and Nathan left the room.  
Pickles was thinking. “Yer gonna have ta share with Skwisgaar, I guess. We’ll put Magnus’ crap in tha hall closet or sahmthin’.”  
Toki noticed that Skwisgaar didn’t look at all happy about that, but he didn’t say anything.

Nathan came back. “He said go get the new guy’s stuff, and he’ll come by the house later with the papers.” He turned to Toki. “Can you fit all your shit in a car, or do we need a truck?”  
That was a joke, he could _carry_ all his shit. “Car is fines.”  
“Good.” He considered the options, Pickles was clearly too drunk. “Murderface, you take him to get his stuff. Okay?”  
Murderface nodded, still not speaking, and grabbed some keys off the table.

They were sending him with this aggravated-looking guy who didn’t talk? He would have preferred Pickles, at least he was friendly. But he did seem pretty drunk...  
They all went out to the parking lot, Toki getting in the car Murderface pointed to, and the other two getting in with Nathan.  
But they didn’t move, Murderface was staring at him expectantly.  
Oh right, where to go? He knew his address of course, but had no idea how to get there from here. Was the address enough? Apparently so, because Murderface nodded and put the car in gear.


	10. Dethhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki moves in with Dethklok, in their temporary house.

Murderface drove, still maintaining his odd silence.  
Toki had been trying to figure out why. Maybe he liked Magnus and was mad, maybe he just hated everyone, or maybe he couldn’t just talk? “Moiderface, are yous one of those can’ts-talk guys?”  
“No. I don’t like to talk to people I don’t know.”  
“Well how’s you goings to get to knows me if you doesn’t talks to me?”  
“I don’t like people making fun of me.”  
“Whys would I makes fun of yous?”

It seemed that Murderface wasn’t going to bother answering that, they drove on in more silence.  
A very temporary silence, because Toki had too many things he wanted to know. “I heard you’s really rich, how come you has these old cars?”  
Murderface sighed, and gave up. “Becausche we don’t want people to recognize usch. If they see usch in thesche, they juscht think it’sch schomeone who kinda looksch like usch, you get it?”  
“Wowee, you’s _that_ famous?”  
Relieved that Toki hadn’t commented on his lisp (if he’d even noticed it) Murderface just grinned, relaxing some.

“Juscht wait ‘til you schee the housche, it’sch horrible. But it worksch, nobody hasch figured out it’sch usch living there.”  
“It can’ts be that horribles.”  
“Yeah? It’sch _pink_. I’m scherious.”  
Toki lost it then, sliding down in his seat laughing. Dethklok, the most brutal band in America, lived in a pink house and drove old cars? It was just too much.  
Murderface, after discerning that _he_ wasn’t being laughed at, joined in.

It didn’t take too long to get to Toki’s apartment, and they went up.  
Murderface looked around while Toki gathered up his stuff and shoved it into bags. He didn’t have that much stuff, but it was spread out pretty thoroughly throughout the room.  
He would leave all the furniture of course, the next person could keep it or throw it out. They’d said they had a bed for him, hadn’t they? If not, he’d sleep on the floor.  
Busy packing, he wasn’t paying much attention to Murderface until he spoke.  
“Hey, thisch isch pretty cool.”

Oh no, his bear! He should have grabbed it and packed it first, but he’d gotten so used to seeing it that he hadn’t even thought of that. Now they’d make fun of him.  
But Murderface didn’t seem to be mocking him. “I like the devil tail, where’d you get thisch?”  
“My mother mades it.”  
“You muscht have a pretty cool mom then.”  
“Noes, nots really.” He held out his hand. Murderface handed the bear over, and he packed it.

****

The neighborhood was not what he’d expected at all, it looked like a place for families, not a death metal band. The houses were mostly older-looking, but in good shape. All the yards were neatly mown.  
Murderface turned into the driveway of a pink house, and pulled into the garage. “Wait ‘til I schut the door, we try not to let them schee usch.”  
The door rumbled closed, and they got out and went into the house.  
The inside was every bit as un-metal as the outside, done in mostly in neutrals.

Pickles took over, showing Toki to the room he would share. “Ya can ‘ave this bed, an’ tha little closet on this side. Skwisgaar practices all tha fuckin’ time, if the noise doesn’t drive ya crazy then you’ll be jest fine.”  
It was a plain room, and not very big. “Does everybody shares rooms?”  
“Naught Nat’an, he says he needs privacy ta write. I share with Murderface, an’ tha manager has his own place. He’s gonna live with us when we move though. Magnus shared with Skwisgaar, but they didn’t git along too well.”

Toki followed Pickles back to the living room, where Murderface was now watching some football game with Nathan.  
Pickles grabbed a beer and sat on one of the couches. Not knowing what else to do, Toki followed suit. He’d never really gotten into American football and couldn’t understand why some people went so crazy over it. He drank and stared at the TV, trying not to feel so much like an outsider.

It didn’t help his nerves that Nathan and Murderface (but mostly Nathan) would randomly yell at the TV. They screamed at the players like they expected to be heard and listened to.  
Pickles was at least quiet, or maybe he just really didn’t care that much about the game. He was either really drunk or really used to the yelling (or both), because he never even flinched.  
Toki was just concentrating on not spilling beer on himself every time he was startled by yet another outburst.

A commercial came on, and Nathan finally looked away from the TV. “Charles is coming tonight with the paperwork.”  
Pickles nodded. “He didn’t argue? ‘Bout changin’ out minds like thet?”  
“No, he’s cool with it. He knows Magnus has been a problem, and he didn’t think much of that other guy anyway.” He turned to Toki. “Hey, you like football?”  
“Well... um...”  
“It’s okay if you don’t. Skwisgaar doesn’t like it either, you can go hang out with him or something if you want. He’s on the back porch.” Nathan pointed toward a door.

Toki nodded gratefully and headed in that direction.  
This was the guy he’d probably be spending the most time with, he might as well try to get to know him. He wasn’t all that sure what a ‘porch’ was though.  
It was sort of an outside room, or a room made out of windows. With a roof.  
Skwisgaar was sitting in a chair against the wall, playing his guitar in a bored manner. He looked up when Toki came out. 

Toki sat in a chair next to him, watching his fingers move over the strings.  
He didn’t want to interrupt, that would probably be rude, so he just sat quietly and drank his beer.  
Did this guy practice like this all the time? He’d never practiced _this_ much, back before he’d quit entirely.  
Eventually, Skwisgaar spoke. “So how dids you learns to plays?” His fingers didn’t even pause.  
It was okay to talk then? “Mostly just listenings to tapes and playings that.”

Skwisgaar nodded thoughtfully. “Dat’s good, den you doesn’t has to be showed everytings. I makes you tapes, you can learns it?”  
“Yes, but... you’s faster than me.”  
“I knows, I ams probably de fastest guitarist in de worlds. But I makes dem where you can plays dem, don’ts be worried.”  
“I could just listens to your CD-“  
“No, I don’ts want yous playing like dat dildo. I makes you what you needs to learn.”

That accent... he had to ask. “Skwisgaar, where’s you from?”  
“Sweden, you ever been dere?”  
“Noes, but I’s from Norway. I got to goes on a tour, but they already plays Sweden before they picks me up, so I’s never been there.”  
Skwisgaar didn’t seem to find this interesting. “I plays Norway, I has played probably every country in de worlds.” He went back to his practicing.  
They sat in silence again and watched the sun slowly set.

Nathan stuck his head out after a while, he was on the phone. “Hey Toki? What kind of pizza do you eat?”  
“Pretty much anythings, I’s not real picky.” They were getting pizza?  
“Okay.” He clearly talking to whoever was on the other end of the line. “And get another one with everything, I guess. Better make it a large, he’s skinny.” He wandered back inside.  
Skwisgaar stood up, stretching. “Dat means de game is overs, it ams safe to be going back ins.”  
Football was... unsafe? Confused, Toki followed him back in the house.

The others were still on the couches, but the TV was indeed off.  
Pickles waved Toki over. “Hey... Can ya drive? ‘Cause ya don’t need a disguise jest yet.”  
“I don’t has a licence or nothing, why’s you ask?”  
“Thet’s simple, nobody knows yer Dethklok yet so we can send ya out ta git stuff.”  
“Whoa Pickles, that’s a really good idea!” Nathan perked up a bit at that. If they could send Toki places, they wouldn’t always be stuck waiting for the manager to bring them more beer and stuff.

There was a knock, and everybody turned to Toki expectantly.  
It was probably the pizza guy, he was supposed to get the pizzas then? Hoping he was guessing right, he answered the door.  
Yep, it was the pizza. He called back over his shoulder. “Hey, it’s the pizzas guy, I needs the money!”  
In response, there was only laughter.  
Then Nathan, still laughing, called to him, “That’s Charles, just let him in!”

Charles was supposed to be the manager, right? He sure didn’t look like one. Managers were supposed to wear suits and carry briefcases.  
Actually, there was a folder of something on top of the pizzas...  
Charles carried the stack of pizzas to the table, and they converged on him like jackals. He rescued his folder and let them eat, knowing it was pointless to try to talk to them first.  
Toki, unsure of the etiquette, took a few pieces hesitantly.

Once the feeding frenzy had died down, Charles introduced himself to Toki, and asked if he had any official papers. Toki of course did, and went and got them.  
Nodding, Charles took them to a computer in the corner and pulled up a document, entering the relevant things in th correct places.  
Toki didn’t have any legal American papers or ID, but that was okay, they could get all that later.

Charles printed out the necessary papers for Toki to sign.  
A little worried about what he might be signing but not letting that stop him, Toki put his name everywhere Charles indicated.  
The papers were then put away again, and Charles actually smiled. “Welcome to Dethklok.”  
That was it? It was that easy? It was that wonderful.

Addressing the others, Charles moved on. “Has Magnus returned yet?”  
“Uh, no. He’ll probably like, sulk tonight and come back tomorrow, that’s how he is. But I can deal with him?”  
“No Nathan, let me deal with him, it’s my job. I’m going to stay here tonight, just in case. I’ll sleep on the couch.”  
Nathan made a rare offer. “You can have my extra bed?”  
“Thank you, but I’d rather be out here.”

Eventually people started going to bed.   
Skwisgaar got up and stretched. “Hey Toki? Does you snore?”  
“I don’ts think so.”  
“Dat’s good.” He ambled off toward their room.  
Toki wanted to take a shower, but wasn’t sure if anybody else was about to go use it. “Can I has a showers?”  
There were nods all around, so off he went.

After a game of trying to guess whose products were whose, Toki finished his shower and got out.   
He’d lived alone so long that he hadn’t thought to bring new clothes in here with him. Oh well, nothing he could do about it now. Wrapping his towel around him, he went to his room. The rest of the house was dark now, everyone seemed to have gone to bed. Skwisgaar was already asleep.  
Putting on some clean underwear, Toki crawled into bed and fell asleep.


	11. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Yeah, I couldn't think of a cute title.) Magnus returns, and Pickles preaches about facial hair and names.

Toki woke up feeling a little confused, so much had happened that his brain was having trouble processing it all. That he was in this house, and in _Dethklok_...  
He threw on some clothes and headed for the bathroom.  
After that, he decided to see if there was any pizza leftover, or what else there might be to eat.  
He made it almost to the end of the hall before someone grabbed him from behind, clamping a hand over his mouth and yanking him back

Before Toki could even react, Skwisgaar whispered in his ear. “Shh... Magnus is here. I sees his car, and I am wantings to hear what he says. They not lets us just listens, so we has to be sneaking.”  
Toki nodded, and the hands were removed. This guy was really quick, but that made sense. A guitarist that fast would likely be fast in other ways.  
Together they crept up to the corner peeked around the edge, then pulled back and listened.

Charles and Magnus were sitting at the table, talking calmly.  
Charles was explaining. “I have to remind you that you thought it was a great plan when you assumed it was Skwisgaar who would be leaving.”  
“Yes I knows. We been doing this for three years, Charles. I know there is problems, but I’s not expect this. And you just lets them?”  
“Magnus, you know I’m just the manager, I have no say in who they play with. You know there’s been a lot of creative disagreement between you and Skwisgaar since the beginning, I suppose they just grew tired of it.”

Magnus sighed. “Yes, but... I just hates losing Nathan and Pickles, I really does. Will, I don’t cares so much, and Skwisgaar... yes, we never gets along good. He always wants lead.”  
“Well I know you’re aware that he hadn’t played rhythm in several years before he joined Dethklok, and barely agreed to it at the time.”  
“I just never see it ending this way. I know it not works, but still.”  
“I’m sorry. You will still receive royalties for the completed albums, and any older merchandise of course.”

Nathan, whose bedroom was on the other side of the house, chose that moment to walk in and hear this conversation. “What?! He still gets paid?!”  
Knowing that Nathan had an extremely short fuse, Charles stood and stepped between them. “He did the work, he gets paid. It’s only fair. It’s only three albums, Nathan.”  
“Uh-uh, _two_ albums! Skwisgaar’s gonna redo the tracks on the one we just finished.”  
“That bullshit!” Magnus had put a lot of hours into that album.

Nathan just growled. If Charles hadn’t been standing between them... “This is _my_ band and I’ll do it how I want!”  
Charles tried to refocus him. “Nathan! Back off, let me handle this! Nathan!”  
Nathan growled again, and suddenly grabbed the table flipped it over with a huge crash. Then he stalked back to his room and slammed the door.  
Well, everybody would be awake now.

Magnus knew that had been close... maybe he was better off without them. “I should gets my things now.”  
Charles only hoped the others would stay out of this just a little longer. Nathan having one of his tantrums did tend to make them all wary, so they probably would. “Yes of course. And you may also have the things you ordered for the new place, if you want them.”  
“I want.”  
“Very well. The boys moved your things to the hall closet, let’s get them for you.”

Skwisgaar tugged Toki’s arm, and they fled back into their room.  
They peeked out the window until Magnus pulled away, then Skwisgaar turned to Toki. “Lets me see you’s guitar.”  
Toki shrugged, and got it for him. He wasn’t going to criticize it, was he?”  
Skwisgaar looked it over from several angles, then began to play it. He was doing scales all the way up the neck, checking the frets. Finished, he handed it back. “Dat ams a pretty goods guitar, you buys it in Norway?”

No insults, that was a relief. “Yes. It takes me a long times to save the moneys.”  
“How did you finds an Americans made guitar dere? Dey’s the better ones, but hards to get over de seas.”  
Toki shrugged. “It was in the store, I just buys it.”  
“You needs new strings, den you ams good.”  
Those _were_ new strings but they were cheap ones, all he could afford. Well, all he could afford before... things had changed, hadn’t they?

****

Skwisgaar and Nathan had gone to the studio. Charles had arranged for the producer to come in today, and Skwisgaar was determined to redo all of Magnus’ tracks.   
Nathan went because he wanted to make sure they were good enough, for somebody who couldn’t play an instrument he was extremely critical.  
Skwisgaar also needed to make a copy of the rhythm tracks for Toki to learn from.  
Charles had left too, leaving Toki alone with Pickles and Murderface.

Murderface was in his room, doing something that sounded pretty horrible to his bass. The amp was turned down, but it was still audible.  
Pickles was sitting on the couch drinking beer, even though it wasn’t even noon yet. When Toki joined him, it was clear that he was already drunk. “Heeeey Toki.” He cocked his head, and then reached out and ran a finger over Toki’s fu manchu. “Thet’s cute, it looks like ya gat sahm catapillers on yer face.”  
Toki had absolutely no idea how to take that, so he said nothing.

Pickles was now stroking his own hair-free chin. “As soon as we git moved, I’m growin’ my shit back. I miss it.”  
“So whys you shave then?”  
“So people won’t recognize me, I look completely dif’rent like this. We’ve gatta hide ‘til our new place is ready. Hey, ya should shave too, jest in case.”  
“No thanks, I likes it this way.”  
“Jest ‘til we move? It’s a rally good idea.”  
Toki shrugged. “I thinks about it.”

The odd sounds were still faintly coming from the end of the hall. “Pickle, what’s Moiderface doings in there?”  
Pickles just laughed. “Ya don’t wanna know, but ya can go look if ya feel like it. It’s naught pretty, I’m warnin’ ya.”  
“You can’ts just tells me?”  
“Oh. Yeah, I can do thet. He’s tryin’ ta teach ‘imself ta play bass with his cock.”  
“Wowee!” Toki instinctively crossed his legs, making Pickles laughed again.

They watched some boring daytime TV, and eventually Murderface came out and joined them. He was wearing baggy sweat pants and walking a little funny.  
He noticed the looks Toki couldn’t help giving him. “Picklesch, you told him?”  
“Dude, it’s naught like we can jest ignore it when ya use an amp.”  
“You juscht wait, it’s gonna be aweschome!  
Toki didn’t agree. “But doesn’ts that reallies hurt?” He was still cringing every time he thought about guitar strings _there_...  
“It’sch not too bad, it’sch juscht the price of greatnessch. I can take it.”

Pickles suddenly sat up straighter. “Ooh... Murderface, dude, let’s name Toki!”  
“No thanks, I already has a name.”  
“Scho what? You’ll need another one for when you’re in public.”  
“You means like how Magnus was Bill?”  
“Yep.” Pickles pointed. “Murderface is Will, thet’s rally his name but nobody calls ‘em thet. I go by Jim, he’s a friend of mine, heh. An’ Skwisgaar is Frank, ‘cause we named him thet.”

Okay, but... “What abouts Nathan?”  
“Nat’an jest can’t go out in public, he’s way too easy ta recognize. Think ‘bout it, when ya walked inta thet room yesterday, who did ya know?”  
Toki just nodded, he’d know who Nathan was immediately. Everyone else probably would too. Still, he wasn’t sure that shaving and getting renamed by these guys was the way to go. “I don’ts think I needs a new name, I’s not famous or anythings.”

Pickles waved his beer randomly for emphasis. “Yeah ya do, I knew yer name, a lot of other people do too. An’ we’re gonna have a press con’frence soon, then everybody’ll know an’ you’ll have ta wear a disguise too. Now what should we name ya...?”  
Murderface grinned. “Can we call him Schpot?”  
“Don’t be a dick, dude. I’m pretty sure he knows thet’s a dawg’s name. We can name ya after my other friend, we’ll call ya Jack.”

Toki just shrugged, he didn’t really have any feelings about that name one way or the other.  
Then Murderface started snickering. “Picklsech, you’ve named both out guitarischtsch thingsch that have to do with penischesch.”  
“Sahmtimes ya think ‘bout penises way too often, man.”  
Toki was confused. “Pickle, who’s these friends you keeps talkings about anyways? Is we’s goings to meets them?”  
Pickles chuckled drunkenly. “Oh yeah, I’ll introduce ya later.”

Toki was wondering exactly what Pickles had meant by wearing disguises. Did he mean sunglasses like Magnus had always worn? “Tells me about this disguises thing.”  
“Thet’s easy. We gat a whole closet full of shit, if yer goin’ anywhere but ta the studio ya gatta grab sahmthin’ and wear it.”  
“Like what?”  
“Oh tha jest usual. Shirts, hats, shit like thet. Whatever ya feel like throwin’ on, most of it should fit ya.

Murderface confiscated the TV remote, and surfed until he found some History Channel war documentary. Apparently this conversation was over.  
They watched gruesome scenes of battle wounds and dismemberments, all narrated in a disturbingly pleasant voice. Murderface seemed to be really into this stuff. Pickles mostly just seemed to be drunk enough not to even care.  
Toki thought about what they’d said. He’d let them call him Jack, but he wasn’t shaving, not yet.


	12. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki tries to learn their songs, has band practice, and is forced to go shopping.

Toki was learning the rules, or what passed for rules. You could take a shower as long as nobody else was already in there, they didn’t have an order or anything. He was still mostly going last though, just to be polite.  
And it was okay to eat anything that hadn’t already been eaten. They always seemed to have food, or be about to get food.  
Also, alcohol would almost magically reappear before they ever completely ran out.

He was trying to learn their songs, but that wasn’t going so well. No matter what he had said, it was clear that Skwisgaar had just isolated his previously recorded tracks and copied them to tapes.  
It was hard, trying to learn this way. He had no idea what songs were which, or what they might sound like with the other instruments thrown in. Also, in a few places the finger work was just a little too fast, he couldn’t quite manage it.  
After a few days of playing the copies over headphones, trying to figure it all out, he was ready to give up in disgust. But practice with the band started tomorrow...

It was Murderface who offered to help, of all people.  
Toki was sitting in his room, trying once again to figure out what the hell he was supposed to be playing when Murderface came in. “Hey, how’sch it going?”  
Toki stopped the tape and took off his headphones. “Nots so good. They’s probably just goings to gets rid of me.”  
“Come to my room, we have ampsch. We’ll put on the CDs and play to them, okay? Nobody elsche isch here.”

But Skwisgaar said he didn’t want him learning from the CDs... but this wasn’t working at all. “Okays. Where is everybodys?”  
“They went to the schtudio. They never let me go when they’re doing the final schtuff, they’ll probably never let you go either. We’re not _important_ enough. Come on, let’sch play.”  
They went to the room Murderface shared with Pickles, indeed there were amps in there. Murderface pointed to the one his bass wasn’t plugged into. “We can’t turn them up much becausche we’re hiding, but it’sch better than nothing.”

And so they played. Listening to the CD was way better than trying to memorize a random disconnected rhythm line.  
Apparently this studio stuff the others were doing was an all day thing, because they had time to go through both albums twice, playing and drinking beer.  
Toki was feeling much more confident about his ability to make it through the next day without getting thrown out. “Moiderface... Don’t tell Skwisgaar how we dids this, okays?”  
Murderface just waved his hand dismissively. “He won’t aschk.”

They were sitting on the couch watching boring TV when the others finally came home.  
Nathan threw bags of food at them, Murderface was clearly used to this treatment but Toki barely caught his. “We got tacos. Toki, I hope you’re not a picky eater.”  
“Tacos is fines.” No, he wasn’t very picky.  
“Scho did you get it all done?”  
“Yeah. But I think we’re gonna have to get a new producer, that guy’s a real asshole.”

After they ate (and drank of course), the others started drifting off to bed until it was down to just Toki and Pickles. Some nights Pickles never bothered going to bed, and slept on the couch.  
“So are ya ready fer tomorrow?”  
Toki shrugged. “Pickle, what happens if I messes up?”  
“What do ya mean _if_? It’s yer first practice, yer gonna mess up. Don’t worry ‘bout it too much, it’ll be alright.” He noticed that Toki didn’t look reassured at all. “Hey, yer scared of Nat’an, aren’t ya? Don’t be.”  
“But whats if I messes up and he _kills_ me?”

Pickles finished his beer, reached for another and realized he was out. He got up and retrieved more, handing one to Toki as he sat back down. “Nat’an’s jest like thet, controllin’ an’ all, because this is his first time at tha top. I’ve told him he needs to let tha manager handle more stuff, thet’s what we pay him fer, but he’s stubborn.” He considered, drinking his beer. “Actually, it’s tha first time fer all of them. Sahm of Skwisgaar’s bands got known, but never anythin’ like this. Me, I’ve been here before, I know how fast it can change. But this time, I don’t think thet’s gonna happen... it’s jest a feelin’ I’ve gat. We’re only goin’ higher, you’ll see.”

That made sense. “I never even has my own band befores.”  
“Thet’s okie, ya git ta start at tha top. But you’ve toured before, haven’t ya? Or am I rememberin’ wrong?”  
“Ja, with Assassination Time. They picks me up in Norway and brings me here.”  
“Well don’t be so worried, yer gonna be jest fine. An’ Nat’an’s naught gonna kill ya.” Pickles realized he was out of beer again, and didn’t feel like getting up to get more.. “Look, I’m jest gonna pass out now, okie?  
“Okays. Night, Pickle.” Toki went to bed.

****

The next day, Toki went with them for his first real practice.  
He’d restrung his guitar with Skwisgaar-approved strings, and had to admit that they did sound better than the kind he’d been using, at least at low volume through Murderface’s amp.  
As soon as they started, Toki realized he’d been worried about the wrong band member. Nathan paid him no mind at all, but Skwisgaar was very quick to criticize.  
“No, dat’s wrong! You ams doesing it all wrong! We’s starting over.”  
Toki tried harder, but he just hadn’t had enough time to memorize everything yet. And improvising was _not_ met with approval.

Even more nervous now, he tried even harder. Skwisgaar wasn’t even playing exactly what he’d been learning from, making it even more difficult to follow.  
“What ams dis shit, I thoughts you coulds play! Starts over!”  
Murderface gave Toki what was supposed to be a reassuring look, but it was clear that he didn’t dare say anything. He’d probably been through the same thing himself.  
Toki said nothing, not wanting to risk making things worse. He tried to play it faster, play it like he thought he remembered it.  
Skwisgaar just kept tearing into him.

Several restarts later, Pickles threw a drumstick at Skwisgaar, hitting him in the back of the head. “Skwisgaar, shut tha hell up! He’s naught gonna git it raight on tha first day! Ignore him and jest fuckin’ _play_!”  
Skwisgaar sniffed disapprovingly, but finally quit stopping them.   
They played through most of the songs, and Toki knew he was messing up on a lot of them. He’d get it eventually, he just needed more time, more practices.  
It was Nathan who finally called a stop.

Nobody questioned him, they just turned their amps off.  
Nathan went over an collapsed on one of the couches, resting. Toki looked at him curiously, singing wasn’t _that_ hard of work, was it? Pickles was nearby, so he asked him. “Hey Pickle? Is Nathan okays?”  
“Yeah he’s fine, he jest gets tired sahmtimes, needs a little rest. We’re all used ta it, so don’t let it worry ya.”  
And sure enough, pretty soon Nathan was sitting up and looking mostly normal.  
They all helped themselves to the seemingly ever-present beer supply.

Nathan had an announcement. “We’re getting new photos, and we have to do a press conference. And this time, we’re ALL wearing black!”  
“Pfft, all buts me.”  
“Uh-uh, you too! Go out and buy a fucking black shirt for this, I don’t give a shit what you wear the rest of the time.”  
“But Nathans-“  
“I. Don’t. Care. You’re doing it! Besides, I know you’ve worn it in other bands, it won’t fucking kill you. Toki, do you have a decent black shirt?”  
“Nots really, they’s all old.”  
“Fine. Skwisgaar, take him with you when you go shopping, both of you get black shirts. And jeans too, if you don’t have them.”

Toki didn’t have a problem with wearing all black, but was wondering how he would afford to buy anything.  
Skwisgaar was pouting, but Nathan wasn’t done. He pointed at Toki. “And shave! Corpse paint looks like shit over facial hair, that’s why we don’t have any.”  
He _did_ have a problem with that. “But Pickle said-“  
“SHAVE!”  
Well... he could always grow it back. He wasn’t about to get kicked out of this band for something as stupid as not shaving. He nodded.

They went home, Skwisgaar still clearly pissed off but unwilling to challenge Nathan. He took his shower and went straight to their room.  
Nathan retreated to his side of the house, and Murderface went to take a shower.  
Pickles lit a joint, lounging on the couch. “So yer gonna shave.” It wasn’t a question.  
“I guess so. I gots no choice, does I?”  
“Nah, ya rally don’t. Hey, I wonder how many rooms we’re gonna git after the con’frence?”

That didn’t make sense. “Rooms?”  
Pickles took a moment to reply, he’d just taken a big hit. Finally, he exhaled. “Yep. We git rooms an’ chicks, and have an orgy. Hey, yer naught a virgin, are ya?”  
“Noes.” Toki wasn’t sure he wanted to be in an orgy though. “We can’ts affords more than one rooms?”  
“It’s jest more fun ta _share_. Ya know... well maybe ya don’t. Look, we can’t bring chicks here, so we gotta make up fer it when we can.”  
Murderface was done with the bathroom, so Toki escaped to take his shower. If he was going to be required to fuck in front of them for some reason, it was good to be warned. Maybe.

While he was in the bathroom... As much as he hated to do it, Toki shaved.  
He made a face at himself in the mirror, he looked like a little kid again. Well not really, not his body. He’d filled out over the years, still skinny but not scrawny.  
Oh well, it was done. At least he would finally get to wear corpse paint, that was something to look forward to. Would they help him put it on, or was he going to just have to hope he got it right?  
It was all too much to think about, so Toki took his shower and went to bed. Tomorrow he had to go shopping with Skwisgaar.

****

Nothing was said about shopping in the morning, although Pickles did comment on his new lack of facial hair. Maybe they’d forgotten about it?  
But after a while, Nathan dropped some wadded up bills and a set of keys in Skwisgaar’s lap. “You can’t use your card, so go someplace cheap. You know, like Wal-mart or something.”  
“Pfft, Wals-mart.” He made no move to get up.  
“Stalling’s not going to change my mind, get your asses up and go!”  
Toki jumped up, Skwisgaar got up much more slowly. “Fines. Comes on Toki, we goes in the disguises closet.”

It turned out to be a large closet near the front door. Skwisgaar pulled off his shirt and grabbed one from a hanger, putting it on and buttoning it up. He got a hair band off the shelf and pulled his hair back, then put on some yellow-tinted glasses. “What ams you waitings for, change.”  
Toki took off his shirt and pulled the first one he’d grabbed over his head. It was a little tight, so it probably belonged to Pickles. He noticed Skwisgaar looking at him funny.  
“You ams not a little as you looks. Puts yous hairs back, and gets a hat or someting.”  
He wasn't sure about this shirt. “Maybes I should changes?” Skwisgaar shook his head, so Toki finished his disguise and they went out to the car.

Skwisgaar wasn’t the best driver, but he got them there alive. Toki went to open his door, but Skwisgaar stopped him. “You gots to remembers to be callings me Frank while we ams in dere, okays? And I guess we needs a name for yous too...”  
“Pickle and Moiderface names me Jack.”  
“Oh okays, dat’s easy, I likes it. Let’s be getting dis overs with now.”  
Together, they went into Wal-mart. It was fine with Toki, he’d shopped here before, but Skwisgaar seemed annoyed by it.

Toki led the way, since Skwisgaar seemed unsure where to start. Skwisgaar would probably want the same style he usually wore, and it was likely that the only plain shirts would be in that same section.  
“Uh, Jack? Why ams we in de underwears section?”  
Instead of answering, he grabbed a pack of what was probably the right size and handed it over. While Skwisgaar was inspecting the shirts, Toki found some a pack for himself. Now they just needed jeans, he only had blue and Skwisgaar owned mostly white.

They were stacked by size, making it easy. “Just finds yous size, Skw- _Frank_.” He’d almost messed up. “Or tries them on, if you doesn’ts know.” He found himself a pair, he had some in this brand so he knew they’d fit.  
Skwisgaar seemed clueless, so Toki took a guess and picked a couple for him to try, shoving him toward the conveniently close dressing rooms.  
He waited, but Skwisgaar didn’t come out to show him.  
When he did come out though, he was carrying the pair that had fit him, laving the others for the store people to deal with.  
They checked out unrecognized and headed back home, Skwisgaar still driving badly.


	13. Corpse Painted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A photo shoot, a press conference, and an orgy of sorts.  
> Warnings: An orgy, but it’s not super graphic.

It was the day they were taking the new photos, and then having a press conference. Toki put on his new black clothes and went out to the living room to find everybody else shirtless.  
Charles was already there, he was arguing with Nathan about something over in the corner.  
Skwisgaar was using a sponge to paint his arms white with something from a jar, working carefully to cover every inch. Murderface was already painted, except for his face.  
Pickles grabbed Toki. “Lose tha shirt so we can paint ya.”

White paint, black shirt... that made sense. He pulled it off, laying it over the back of a nearby chair. Pickles slapped him on the stomach. “Damn kid, trade ya?! Heh, next time Nat’an wants ta wrestle, we’ll throw ya at ‘em, ya might actually stand a chance.”  
“No thanks.” Wrestling Nathan sounded like a good way to die. “We paints our whole bodies?”  
“Nah, jest tha parts thet show. You’ve gat sleeves, so ya only have ta go up past thet. Lift your hair fer me, I’ll paint yer neck. Don’t worry, it dries real fast.”

Toki obeyed, and felt Pickles smearing the cold paint on him.  
“Okie, ya can let go now. Do yer own arms, an’ we do faces last.” Pickles turned to Skwisgaar, who automatically lifted his hair. “Ya missed a little on this shoulder...” He touched that up while he was at it. “Nat’an! Git over here an’ let me paint ya!”  
Nathan said something else to the manager, then wandered over and held his hair out of the way for Pickles. 

That done, he started painting his arms, and Pickles inspected Toki’s paint job, touching it up in places where he hadn’t been able to see what he was doing.  
Pickles had Skwisgaar paint his neck, then did his own arms. Then they both touched up Nathan, he had really big arms and he sucked at painting them.  
They all put their shirts on, Toki being very careful until he noticed that no one else was. Apparently the paint really didn’t smear... how did they ever get it back off?

The face painting was delayed when Nathan looked at Skwisgaar. “What the fuck are you wearing?”  
“Pfft, mine belt.”  
“It’s _white_! I told you to buy black stuff!”  
“You tells me to be buying de shirts and pants, you says noting abouts de belts.”  
“Damnit, Skwisgaar, you fucking knew what I meant! Does anybody have a black belt he can wear?”  
Nobody did. Nobody else even seemed to own a belt except Charles, who was wearing brown today.

There was no time to do anything about it, so Nathan gave up. One more little bit of non-black wouldn’t ruin them, Pickles had his blue wristbands. “Pickles, paint my face!”  
Skwisgaar was already doing his own with a mirror, apparently they were the painters.  
Pickles finished Nathan and moved on to Murderface. Skwisgaar finished his own, and motioned Toki over. “Comes here, be lettings me makes you brutal.”  
Toki still found his roommate a little intimidating and would have preferred that Pickles do it, but he sat and let Skwisgaar paint him.

Pickles did his own face, and they were ready.  
Charles had parked on the street, he would be riding with them instead. Nathan got in one driver’s seat, Charles in the other. Toki wasn’t sure where he was supposed to ride, but when Skwisgaar and Pickles got in with Nathan, he figured he was with Charles and Murderface.  
Now he knew why the windows were tinted, if they often left the house in full corpse paint. (No need to scare the neighborhood children with a car full of death coming at them.)  
They pulled out of the garage, and Nathan led the way.

Toki was sitting in the back seat but leaning up between the front seats.  
Murderface had a question. “Scho how’sch the new place coming? Isch it anywhere closche to livable yet?”  
Charles nodded. “It’s coming along rather quickly. There are a few issues that need to be resolved, but the living areas should be completed soon.”  
“Hey, Toki haschn’t even scheen it yet! We have a caschtle, it’s aweschome.”  
“Wowee, a _castles_?! I wants to see!”

“I promise you that you will soon. In fact I need your input on a few things, so I’ll be taking you there on the near future.”  
“My inputs? Why?”  
“Well, your room, for one thing. I need to know if you want the one that was to be Magnus’, or if you’d like to choose another. Also your furniture, and anything else you might want to have in it, these things need to be ordered.”  
“I gets to choose?” That sounded too good to be true.  
“Completely. So be thinking about what you might like to have.”

It wasn’t a long ride to the photography studio.  
Nathan was inspecting the special background he’d ordered for them, he didn’t look completely pleased with it. But then, he never looked very pleased with anything at all.  
The photographer was very professional, lining them up just so, setting and adjusting the lighting. He even had some small blocks for Pickles to stand on, making them all look more even.  
Nathan’s only instruction to everyone was to look as brutal as possible.  
The man took many shots, and told them that they could come and choose from those in about a week.

From the studio they drove to what seemed to be an abandoned airfield.  
Toki was confused, but the others acted like they’d been here many times so he just played along.  
They pulled inside what looked like an abandoned building with a mostly missing roof, there was another car and a large helicopter in there already. After parking and throwing old tarps over their cars, they got in the helicopter and took off.  
Toki had never been in a helicopter before, and despite the disapproving looks the others were giving him, he couldn’t hide his excitement.  
They all drank a few beers during the flight.

It was a surprisingly short ride, and they landed on the roof of the newest and largest hotel in the area.  
Security personnel ushered them to a door, and escorted them down to the large conference room. Skwisgaar grabbed Toki’s arm just before they went in, hissing in his ear. “Don’ts smile! When you ams wearing de paints, you stays brutal.”  
Toki just nodded, he was too nervous to smile anyway. They all went in, the room was completely packed with press and press related people.  
Pickles nudged him, steering him to stand on the side his side of Nathan. Like they lined up for the photos, that made sense.

Nathan glared at the waiting crowd, his hair hanging in his face. “The new album is finished! And um, we made some changes. Yeah.” Cameras were flashing, microphones were pointed at them. Nathan continued, “Magnus is out, Skwisgaar is the lead now! And we have a new rhythm guitarist, Toki Wartooth!”  
Toki felt like he should wave, but that wouldn’t be brutal. He did his best to keep glaring at their audience.  
“That’s all. Except that we’re like, staying here tonight! And we’re picking company!”  
That caused a riot, and security quickly got the band out of the room.

Once secure, Nathan turned to Charles. “How many rooms, and how many?”  
"Two, I assumed you wouldn’t use more than that. And please limit yourselves to one girl apiece, I know you’ll be switching them around as usual. I’ve left a very large supply of condoms in both rooms.”  
“Good, because it doesn’t count as sloppy seconds if you wear condoms. Or thirds, or... whatever. Skwisgaar, don’t pick anyone the rest of us wouldn’t fuck, okay? No old chicks! Toki... I have no idea what you like, so just pick a hot one!”

Charles and the security people led them to another large room, and here were the pre-screened fan girls that they could choose from. There were so many of them, all hoping to be picked.  
Nathan went first, pointing to the one he wanted. She came forward and security led her out, assumably to their rooms. Skwisgaar and Pickles selected theirs.  
Murderface turned to Toki. “Hey, you wanna schare a room with me? They always schteal my girlsch.”  
“Okays.” He still wasn’t sure about this, but one person watching was better than three.  
Murderface selected his girl, and Toki randomly picked his. It would have been better if he’d at least been able to _talk_ to them first or something.

Charles had booked them adjoining rooms, two beds and a couch in each. The center door was open.  
Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Pickles took one, and Toki stayed on the other side with Murderface and the girls they’d chosen. He was very nervous, and was far too sober for this sort of behavior. It didn’t help that their girls were eying the connecting doorway longingly.  
Murderface seemed used to that though. He went to a bag in the corner and pulled out a couple bottle of alcohol. He tossed one to Toki, along with a large box of condoms.  
Toki downed half the bottle at once, gratefully. He knew he’d probably end up puking from drinking that fast, but he needed the help and he needed it _now_.

Murderface stripped, the girls doing the same if not a bit reluctantly. The man didn’t have a bad body, just not an exceptional one. Squeals were already coming from the other room.  
The alcohol running through him, Toki stripped as well and his girl perked up a little.  
“Ooh, you’re a lot cuter than the last guy!” She shoved him down on the bed, grabbing a condom and climbing on top of him. He still didn’t like really aggressive chicks, but was quickly becoming drunk enough to not mind. He let her just ride him, since that seemed to be what she wanted to do anyway.  
Murderface was fucking his girl on the other bed.

When she was done, she gave him a kiss and reached for his bottle. “You’re gonna share that with me, right?”  
He held on to it. “Noes, I don’ts think so.” This wasn’t over, he needed his alcohol to make it through the night. Pouting, she sprawled on the bed next to him.  
Then Skwisgaar came into the room and pounced on her, Toki rolled out of the way and sat up. “What the fucks?!”  
“Oh sorries, I slips and falls in yous girlfriends.” He was fucking her, and she seemed perfectly fine with that.

A girl came in. She looked at Skwisgaar in disgust, then went and straddled Toki. “Fuck me hard, new guy!”  
Oh, what the hell... Grabbing a new condom, he did.  
The alcohol caught up with him and things got hazy. He wasn’t sure how many times or how many different girls, but it all went of for what seemed like hours. He’d drank himself right up to the edge of passing out, everything was surreal and he knew he would suffer badly for this later.  
But when someone (at this point he had no idea who) handed him a new bottle, he drank even more.

There were used condoms tossed all over the room. Band members and girls kept wandering in and out. And it seemed like there was always a girl on him.  
Yes, on him, he’d given up on trying to sit up or even move a while back. Toki just lay there, letting them do whatever they wanted to him. He was barely even aware of the sex anymore at this point, it just went on and on.  
He was pretty sure he was fading in and out, everything was disconnected, spinning.  
Eventually, he passed out completely.


	14. Mordland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles takes Toki to the Mordhaus construction site.

Toki’s second helicopter ride hadn’t been nearly as much fun.   
He’d been woken in the carnage of the motel room by Charles and the security people. Although he was still half drunk and felt like total shit, he’d managed to get his clothes back on and walk where they pointed him.  
Nathan seemed to be in a very similar state, and Pickles... They’d had to give up on him, wrap him in a sheet, and just carry him. Skwisgaar and Murderface didn’t look so hot, but they seemed to have come out a little better overall.

Leaving the rooms brought a little relief, the floor had been littered with used condoms, empty or broken bottles, and random puddles of vomit that reeked of alcohol. The cleaning bill wasn’t going to be pretty.  
The helicopter ride had made them all puke more, or maybe puking was just contagious.  
Murderface had driven the other car home, Nathan was too fucked up. Pickles revived enough to walk by they time they got there, wandering through the door and out of his sheet to collapse naked on the couch.  
Charles thoughtfully closed all the blinds and left them alone to recover.

****

It was three days before Nathan seemed completely okay again. Skwisgaar and Murderface had been fine by that evening, and Toki and Pickles by the next day. Nathan had remained listless until the following morning.  
Charles seemed to know the schedule, because he didn’t return until they were all back to their usual selves.  
Nathan had things to discuss with him, he barely let him get through the door first. “Hey, we need to start on another album. Like, as soon as possible. And we need a new producer.”

Pickles was surprised by this. “Dude, we jest finished tha last one! Why don’t we take a break or sahmthin’ first?”  
“No! We’re going to do more! And we’re going to record them as we write them!”  
It was time to manage. “Nathan, that’s not practical. When you feel you have enough new material, you can choose the songs that you want on the next album. If you do it this way, there will be inconsistencies.”  
“I don’t care! That’s how we’re doing it!”

“Uh Nathans? Maybe you should be asking de rest of us firsts?”  
“Not this time, we’re doing it _my_ way! Starting, uh... now! As soon as we get a producer we’ll record them as we go.”  
The others shrugged. It was a strange way to do things, but if Nathan was insisting then that was how it would be...  
“Very well then, I’ll hire someone as soon as possible. But today I need to borrow Toki for a while, can you spare him?”

Toki was wondering why he was being borrowed.  
“Uh, yeah. Me and Skwisgaar and Pickles will get started on new stuff, Skwisgaar can show him what he needs to play later.”  
Murderface didn’t look the least bit surprised to not be included, it seemed that this was normal.  
Charles nodded. “Alright Toki, we can go now if you’re ready.”  
“Does I need a disguises?”  
“No, not today. As you are is fine.”

They went out to Charles’ car and got in.  
“So where’s we goings? And why justs me?” It wasn’t something horrible, was it?  
“Oh, we’re going to Mordhaus. That’s what they insist on calling it, the castle that’s being built for all of you. I need you to pick your room and whatever you want in it, we’ll be ready to furnish everything soon.”  
“Okays.” 

Charles was one of those people who apparently felt the need to have a conversation, or at least hear himself talk. Toki didn’t pay too much attention, he mostly just looked out the window.  
“Toki, are you even listening? I asked you a question.”  
“Oh. I probably misses some of that, sorries.”  
Charles just sighed, and didn’t repeat whatever he’d asked. It seemed he was pretty used to being ignored.  
Toki felt a little bad about that, but didn’t really have anything to say so he just kept watching the scenery change.

Eventually they came to a large metal gate. The guard recognized Charles and opened it for them.  
It was a winding road through heavy woods, and the road wasn’t in very good shape. Charles mentioned that it would be redone before they moved in, but construction hadn’t gotten that far yet.  
It wasn’t _that_ bad of a road, you could drive on it so it served it’s purpose.  
Charles also mentioned that aside from the gate guard, there would be no one here today. Toki caught that part and nodded, not really knowing why it even mattered.

And then he saw the... castle? It looked like a boat, a Viking boat. That was pretty cool.  
“I see they still haven’t completed the dragon’s head tower, I need to have another talk with the contractor, I suppose.”  
The road essentially ended a good distance away, in between was a lot of mud, brush, and torn up ground. Charles parked the car, apparently they were walking from here.  
Even at this distance, the thing was enormous.

They crossed the expanse to the door, Charles picking his way carefully and Toki stumbling often because he couldn’t stop staring up at it and wasn’t watching his feet.  
The inside seemed to be mostly stone, with random piles of construction materials piled in places. Charles led the way and Toki followed, wondering how he’d ever learn to find his way around in here.  
It was impossible to tell what the rooms would be used for at this point, just one empty room after another. Most of the rooms were huge.

They came to a door, and Charles ushered Toki inside. “This was going to me Magnus’ room, but you don’t have to take it. There are several smaller rooms we had built for guests or whoever might need one.”  
The room was _huge_ , with high ceilings and a large window. Although Toki had no way of knowing this, it was very similar in design to Skwisgaar’s room. How could he ever feel comfortable and safe in such a huge space? “Can I sees the others?”  
Charles nodded, and led him down another hallway.

Toki had planned to see them all before deciding, but the third door they opened, he wanted that room. It was still large compared to other places he’d lived, but much smaller then the first room and with a regular height ceiling. “I wants this one.”  
“Very well. I have the furnishing books in what will be my office, let’s go pick what you want.”  
They walked through the halls, Charles telling him what the rooms would be as they passed by or through them.  
Toki knew he’d never remember.

Once they reached his future office, Charles placed a stack of catalogs on the small table. (This room alone was already partially furnished.)  
Toki picked up the one on top and flipped through it, but there were just so many choices...  
And there were so many more to look through. He had no idea where to even start, he was lost.  
Fortunately, Charles wasn’t the manager for nothing. “Would you like me to help you pick your furniture?”  
Toki nodded gratefully.

“Okay, what color would you like? That should narrow it down.”  
“Um... plain woods color is fines.”  
A few catalogs were set aside. “And how big of a bed do you want?”  
How many sizes did beds even come in? “Just regulars is fine, I don’ts need too much rooms.”  
A little more sorting of catalogs, and Charles selected one. “Let’s start here. Let em know if you see something that appeals to you.”

The first part of the book was geared more toward a younger demographic, so he was flipping past when Toki stopped him. “Goes back.”  
A few pages back he was stopped again. A headboard with a built in cabinet... it was designed for students but it did have matching night stands available. “This one?”  
“I likes it. Can I has it?”  
“I suppose so, if you’re sure that’s what you want. Would you like anything else? Oh look, they have a desk and a bookcase that match.”  
“Ja? Can I has those too?” Maybe he could finally try making some of those model things.

Charles nodded and marked the pages. “Oh, what color sheets would you like, and what kind?”  
There were different kinds? “Um, regular ones? And blue, I likes blue.” He didn’t really even know why he was fond of that color, but he owned more blue shirts than any others, and it was just the first thing that popped into his head when Charles asked.  
His own room, all his. With his own things. Not stuff that was borrowed or came with the room, things that he’d picked out himself.  
It was going to be nice.

But they weren’t done yet. “What about artwork, rugs, things of that nature?”  
Toki shook his head. He could always get something later, and he didn’t care about rugs. The one thing he wished he had was impossible, so...  
Well, the manager had said _anything_ he wanted. “Does you think I could gets pictures of my parents?”  
“Of course. Just give me the information, and if there are no photos available I’ll personally send someone to take some.” None of the others had asked for anything like that.

They wound their way back to the door, Toki quiet and thinking, and Charles calculating how much work was left to be completed.  
He hadn’t seen his parents since that day they’d cast him out. He didn’t really want to see them, yet sometimes he did. They were his still parents, no matter what.   
Part of him would always be the boy who walked away.  
But by the time they were outside again, he’d put those thoughts aside and was back to trying to see everything at once.

They made a cautious circuit of the immediate grounds, Charles pointing out what certain buildings were or where certain features would be. There would be a very large staff living on the grounds with them, they would be hired soon. Their current small security force were officially the first ones, although not yet required to wear the chosen uniform. The employees were to be hooded, nameless and faceless.  
The tour was still going. “...and these will be the tennis courts. Do you play tennis?”  
“Noes?” What was tennis anyway? He’d never really paid attention to that sort of thing.

They rode back in silence. Toki was completely overcome with a feeling of unreality, it was all too much, too huge. It couldn’t possibly be real, even though he knew it was. How the hell did a kid from a mostly abandoned village in Norway grow up to be in the biggest band in America and live in a castle? That just didn’t happen... yet it had happened. Well, as soon as they moved in.  
Charles had just run out of things to say, and was thinking on how to go about obtaining the photos Toki had asked for. 

They were bombarded with questions as soon as they walked in the door.  
“Isch the tower done yet?”  
“Ams our rooms finishes finallies?”  
“When can we move in?”  
“Dude! Give ‘em a chance ta answer!”  
“Thank you Pickles. No, the tower’s not done yet, and the spikes still haven’t arrived. Your rooms are completed and the furniture will be coming in soon. And you can move in when it’s finished.”

“I want that producer as soon as possible. I’m serious!”  
“Nathan, I still don’t understand the rush, but I’ll start hunting for someone acceptable tomorrow.”  
“Today!”  
“No, it’s gotten too late. Tomorrow will be soon enough.” Charles left.  
So they were writing new songs already, that was fast.  
Toki hoped he’d be able to learn his parts quickly enough, he was sure they wouldn’t be easy.  
Well, he’d find out soon enough.


	15. Studio time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of recording, and very little else.  
> Warnings: OC producer

Charles was there again, with news. “I have an announcement! I’ve hired a producer for you. His name is Alfred Hans, and he’ll meet you all at the studio in two days. Try not to run this one off, it’s getting harder and harder to find someone willing to work with you. Nathan, I’m talking to you, are you paying attention?”  
“Yeah. I’ll try.”  
“You all need to consider another tour soon, your fans will be expecting one as soon as the new album hits the stores. Just think about it.” Business over, Charles went on his way.

Skwisgaar had made some new tapes, and tossed them to Toki and Murderface with instructions to ‘learns dem fast’. Toki was trying, playing it over and over on his headphones, practicing. He was getting a feel for their music now, so it was coming a lot easier than it had at first.  
There were only three songs on this tape, although he knew he could expect more soon.  
The edge he’d lost had come back. Although he knew he wasn’t quite as fast as Skwisgaar, he could play these rhythm lines easily. They were almost _too_ easy, but he’d leave them as they were.

Very soon they would meet this new producer, very soon he would be recording tracks for the next album.  
Toki hoped they would tour soon. He’d enjoyed it a lot when he’d finished that tour with Assassination Time, but that hadn’t been _his_ band. He’d just been a fill-in guy.  
This would be different, his band, where he belonged.  
Possibly he would even have his own fans.  
They album was due to be released in a month, how soon after would they go on tour?

****

Alfred Hans was not what they expected, he didn’t look like a business guy at all. And he was _old_. They had been told that he had produced several well known bands over the years, so at least he should know his stuff.  
He’d met them at the studio. Charles had come with them to make the introductions, then left to go do whatever the hell it was he did.  
The last producer had been a dick, but at least they’d known him. This guy... They had no idea at all. Hopefully he wasn’t a dick though.

Alfred spoke first. “So your manager tells me you want to record the songs as you write them, is that right?”  
“Yeah! That’s how we’re doing it!” Nathan wasn’t going to let anybody change his mind.  
“Well any album you make that way will end up sounding like shit. I’ve been in this business for a whole lot of years, and if you really insist on doing this, there’s only one way it can be done.”  
They waited expectantly, Nathan clearly ready to argue.  
Alfred nodded and continued. “What we’ll do is record all the tracks at least twice. We won’t mix anything yet, and when there’s enough we’ll have a few different takes to choose from to get a more consistent sound. It’s not ideal, but I can work with that.”

That actually made a lot of sense, of course they wanted the album to sound as good as possible. But would Nathan accept this? He was the one insisting on recording this early.  
Nathan was thinking it over. They wouldn’t have finished songs this way, but would have all the tracks to mix them from. It might work better that way after all. “Yeah, alright. We’ll do it your way.”  
“It’s settled then! But today, I just want to watch you all play. I need to see what I’ll be working with.”  
And so they played, and he watched and listened.

****

About a week later, Skwisgaar was being particularly harsh, picking on Toki mercilessly. They had played the same song three times already, and he was insisting they keep playing it until Toki got it right.  
Nathan had sang it the first time, and now was just sitting on the couch watching and resting.  
Pickles and Murderface had exchanged a look, but were going along with Skwisgaar.  
“Dat ams completely dildos! I tink you forgets how to plays de guitar! You tinks jus because you ams in Dethklok now, you doesn’t has to know how to plays? Pfft.”

Toki knew that take had been fine! He was doing the very best he could, yet the insults kept coming. They started playing again.  
The others were staying out of it, either they would work it out or they wouldn’t. And if they couldn’t... Then it didn’t look good for them as a band. Skwisgaar and Magnus had been similar, always arguing or bitching at each other. Both of them wanting to play the lead.  
But Toki wasn’t trying to take the lead, he was just playing his part. And he was clearly getting more and more upset.

Alfred stopped them by shutting off the monitors.   
Confused they quit playing and looked at him questioningly. “Now that I have your attention, we’re going to take a little break. I need to have a little talk with Toki, so the rest of you go hang out in the other room and have a beer or something.”  
Toki was worried, he hadn’t thought he was doing _that_ bad... Maybe Skwisgaar was right?  
The others grumbled a bit, but surprisingly obeyed and left the room.

Alfred went and sat on the couch, patting the seat beside him. “Come on Toki, don’t be worried. You sounded like you needed a little break anyway.”  
Not at all reassured, Toki sat beside him and waited.  
“I want to talk to you about Skwisgaar, there’s some things I think you need to understand.”  
“What’s to understands?! No matter how hards I tries, he’s not happy! The better I plays, the more he complains, I just can’ts win!”

To his surprise, Alfred smiled. “Oh good, you’d noticed that. You see, Skwisgaar is very insecure.” He noted Toki shaking his head in disbelief, and continued. “Yes he is. He’s very talented, but that’s not enough for him. You’re also very good, and he feels that you’re a threat to his position.”  
“I’s not!”  
“Toki, I know how Skwisgaar became the lead. It’s only natural that he’d expect you to have similar thoughts.”

“This still doesn’ts tell me why I has to puts up with his shit.”  
“Well it’s very simple: When you mess up, he wants you to play better. When you play well, he feels threatened and tries to undermine you. So this is what you need to remember, okay? _You_ know when you mess up, and you know when you’re playing well. And the more he’s bitching, the better he feels you’re playing. Do you understand what I’m saying?”  
Toki sat silently, thinking this over.

“Toki-“  
“Fines, I believes you. I still don’ts likes it though.”  
Alfred patted him on the shoulder. “Of course you don’t. Just try not to let him get to you, okay? As fucked up as this sounds, try to take it as a compliment.”  
Toki nodded. It wouldn’t be easy, but he’d give it a try. “So we’s done here?”  
“Yeah, go get the others.”

Toki went and waved for them to come back, and they played the song yet again. He just kept reminding himself that Skwisgaar was only bitching because he was doing well. That was a heady thought, that he was good enough that Skwisgaar felt threatened by _him_.  
Toki ignored him and played. He knew he didn’t have the ultra-clean precision of his bandmate, but he made up for it with what he did have, passion. He shut out the complaints and _played_.

When they finished again, something had changed.   
Nathan grinned. “Damn, that sounded good!”  
Pickles grinned right back and grabbed a beer. “Dude, I fuckin’ _know_! Alfred, man, whatever tha hell ya said... it worked.”  
Skwisgaar couldn’t admit it very well. “Ja, it wasn’t completely terribles dat time.”  
Toki just grabbed a beer and sat next to Nathan, grinning at them all. He finally felt that click, like he truly was one of them now.

****

They were spending a lot of time at the studio, but when they were home, Nathan was spending a lot of time in his room. When they asked him about it, he said he was just tired.  
That wasn’t too strange, he’d always had days where he just laid around a lot and rested, but usually he would stay out on the couch or something.  
But if he said he was just tired, that was good enough for them. After all, some days you just felt like staying in bed. And they could.

Charles was there, asking yet again about a tour. “We could do a US only tour, but I really feel you should include at least a couple European stops. How about in three months, how does that sound? Can I set it up?”  
Toki thought it sounded great, but Nathan shook his head. “No. I mean, like give us another month and then we’ll talk about it.”  
The others just looked at each other. It didn’t make sense, but when Nathan made up his mind about something he could be incredibly stubborn.

“Very well, Nathan. I’m assuming the rest of you are in agreement?”  
They weren’t, but they nodded anyway. But really, what difference would another month make?  
Charles gave up. “Fine, I’ll bring it up again next month. So how are things in the studio, going well?”  
“Um, yeah. Going real well. Alfred’s a pretty okay guy.”  
Charles looked over at the rest of the band, who was watching silently. “So you guys all just completely agree with Nathan?”  
They all just nodded some more.

After Charles left, Pickles finally asked. “So Nat’an, what’s tha deal? Why aren’t we goin’ on tour like usual?”  
The ice was broken.  
“What’sch the deal? We alyaysch tour after an album.”  
“Uh, we’ve had two albums. How is that always?”  
“Well, it’sch alwaysch scho far.”  
Nathan just shrugged. “Skwisgaar, Toki? You two wanna bitch at me too?”

“Pfft, I don’t cares is we tours or nots. I would does it for de ladies though.”  
Toki hesitated, then spoke. “I kind of wants to tour. But if you all doesn’ts...”  
“Like I told Charles, we’ll talk about it in a month. And tomorrow, I want to try to get at least one more song laid down, okay?” They seemed agreeable. “I’m tired, I’m gonna go to bed.”  
He went to his room and closed the door.  
They went back to watching TV.


	16. Back to the bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki goes back to playing open mic nights, and some household games get out of hand.

They were even more impressed with Alfred when he showed up on his custom motorcycle, Nathan in particular. “Wow! Where’d you get this?”  
“I’ve had this baby for thirty years now, isn’t she beautiful?”  
“Hell yeah! So why is this the first time you rode it here?”  
“Well it’s been in pieces in my living room for the past two weeks. I was making a new modification and found out that I needed to order a part. Have you ever ordered parts? When they tell you it’ll be there in two days, they’re lying.”

“Dude, ya had it in yer _livin’ room_? Don’t ya have a g'rage or sahmthin’?”  
Alfred smiled. “Of course I have a garage, it’s where I keep my car. I guess you wouldn’t understand.”  
They all walked around it, admiring it. None of then had ever seen one this customized before, whatever brand it had started its life as wasn’t really a factor.  
Alfred refused to let Nathan ride it, even though he begged a little.

Nathan announced that he was getting one. He wanted them all to get one too, so they could ride places together. Not everyone thought it was a great idea.  
“I can ride, but I like drinkin’ too much to wanna do it.” Pickles at least had a little common sense.  
“No offensche, but I like carsch a lot better. Old carsch.”  
Skwisgaar was just shaking his head. He wasn’t a great driver on four wheels, he didn’t even want to try two.  
Toki was a bit intimidated by the idea, but thought he might at least want to try it.

Seeing that they weren’t all enthusiastic to drive one, Nathan pondered a side car, maybe two if that was possible.  
Alfred didn’t approve. “That would be like using a racehorse for a pack mule, just a waste.”  
“We could make it metal! Somehow, anyway. We’re going to make everything metal, the whole world!”  
“Start by making your music metal. Let’s get inside, we have work to do.”  
They went in to play, and the subject was forgotten. For now, anyway.

They had been practicing and or recoding three days a week, this seemed to be a schedule that everyone was doing well on.  
Alfred was tough, but he clearly knew his stuff. Despite their natural tendency to be difficult, they usually ended up taking his suggestions and had to admit that they were good ones.  
A lot of progress was being made.

****

They were watching TV, but Toki wasn’t paying attention. Something had been on his mind lately. He had realized that he missed going to open mic nights, and he felt bad about that. After all, he was in what seemed fated to be the biggest band in the world, why should he want to go play with regular people?  
 _Because_ they were just regular people, that’s why.   
He was lost in his thoughts, so when Pickles asked what was bothering him he answered before he had time to think. “I wish I could goes to open mic nights still.” Realizing what he’d just said, Toki wondered how much trouble he was in now.

Nathan just changed the channel. “Hey Toki, can you drive?”  
“I don’ts has a licence thing.”  
“That’s not what I asked you. Can you drive?”  
It had been a long while, but cars were cars. “Yes.”  
“So go if you want to. I mean, Magnus did it all the time, it’s not big deal.”  
“Yeah dude, jest go ta a dif’rent bar than ya used ta. An’ wear a disguise.”

So the next night, he did.  
It was strange to be out on his own after being with everybody else all the time, and driving was a little scary. He was used to riding on this side of the road, but from behind the wheel, if just felt _wrong_.  
He made it to the bar with no real problems, then hesitated. What if he was recognized? That was pretty unlikely, he looked a lot different clean shaven and with his hair pulled back. But what if people still just didn’t like him?  
He took a deep breath and went in.

There was a small crowd, but nobody he recognized. Reassured, Toki and went over to the stage area.  
One guy setting up saw his case. “Guitar or bass?”  
“Guitar.”  
“Hey, can you play lead? Do you know any of these songs?” He handed over a list. “I’m Mike, by the way.”  
Toki scanned the page, it was all stuff he knew. “Yes. Oh, and I’s Jack.” He was proud of himself for remembering to use the fake name.  
“Well we’re gonna go first, you wanna play with us?”  
“Okays.”

Mike wandered off, stopping another guy with a guitar case.  
As soon as they finished setting up, Mike waved Toki over. “Okay, they’re gonna let us do these three in a row, you okay with that?” Toki nodded, and Mike pointed to the guy who’d just sat behind the drums. “That’s my brother.”  
Toki nodded to him and to the bass player, another pick up like he was, and they all plugged their guitars in and started.

It turned out that Mike wasn’t a great singer, at least not for the stuff he wanted to sing. He wasn’t really all that bad, his voice just didn’t fit the music.  
Toki didn’t care, he was just here for fun, and he was having fun.   
They played all three songs with hardly a pause between them, and then the sound man was waving them to get off the stage and let other people play.  
Toki took a seat on the sidelines and watched the next people.

Mike came and sat beside him. “Hey Jack, I’m getting a new band together and you’re really good. Would you be interested in playing with me?”  
Toki tried not to laugh, it was just funny. After all the time with nobody wanting him, he got asked to join a band on his first night back. But of course he couldn’t do it. “Sorries, I can’t.”  
“That sucks. Your job gets in the way or something?”  
Well, Dethklok was his job, wasn’t it? So that wouldn’t be lying. “Yes.”  
“Well, play with us when you can make it here, okay?” He looked around. “I gotta go find my brother.”

Toki didn’t end up playing anymore that night, but he still enjoyed himself.  
He went back the next week, and the week after. He’d even gotten another offer to join a band, when he got home he told them about it.  
“Yer naught gonna do it, are ya? I mean, sahm people have side bands an’ all thet, but we’ve gat a lot goin’ on raight now.”  
He’d never even realized it might be an option, but no. “Don’ts worry, I’s not joining anybody else. Besides, we’s better than all them, right?”

“You bet your schweet assch we’re better!”  
“Dude, thet was kinda gay.”  
“IT’SCH JUSCHT AN EXPRESSCHION!”  
That got them all laughing. Toki managed to get himself under control, _of course_ he wasn’t going to join another band. This was Dethklok, there was no substitute.  
Open mic night was just for fun, something he could do on his own.

****

One night they were all watching bad TV and drinking a few beers, just palling around. They had several songs recorded now, three takes of each track. Alfred might be old, but he sure knew his stuff, and he didn’t let them talk him into taking shortcuts.  
They were all feeling pretty good, although still mostly sober. The sober part would go away as the night went on, of course.  
Nathan was in one of his playful moods, Pickles was his victim. “Wrestle me Pickles!”

Pickles held up his hands in protest. “Gawd no! Ya always win, it’s jest naught fair!”  
No was not a valid answer, so Nathan pulled him to his feet and Pickles gamely took a stance. He was good at scrambling, but no match for Nathan’s strength.   
Nathan scooped him up and (gently) threw him down, pinning him for the count.  
Twice more he did it, and nothing Pickles tried seemed to really make any difference. After the third time, Pickles called it quits and went back to his seat.

Nathan stripped off his shirt and tossed it aside, he was sweating but wanted more. “Toki, wrestle me! Skwisgaar and Murderface won’t ever play.”  
Murderface raised his beer to that. “That’sch right, I don’t want to grope a half naked guy, I’m not gay.”  
“I’m not gay either, you dick. It’s just fun! Come on, Toki!”  
“Oh I don’ts know...” Nathan was fucking _big_.  
Pickles fished a bottle from behind the couch and took a drink. “Go fer it!”  
Toki gave in, and stripped off his shirt because it was a new one.

Nathan made a grab for him, but Toki grabbed back and they struggled to take each other down.  
Toki was strong, but Nathan’s superior weight was wearing him down. He changed tactics, hooking a leg behind Nathan’s knee and shoving him backwards and to the floor.  
The others were cheering, never having seen anyone take Nathan like that. It was about time!  
Pickles gleefully counted it off while Nathan struggled to get up. When he declared ‘done’, Toki let go and stood up.

When Toki finally let him go, Nathan rose and attacked, grabbing him in a bear hug. He wasn’t going to lose _that_ easily.  
Toki fought to get free, something about being trapped like that... it was causing a slipping in his mind. He fought harder, wilder.   
Nathan’s breathing had grown harsh, feral. His hold had turned from playful to something more serious, they were unraveling together. It was shifting from play into a real fight.  
The others watched, sensing the change but not knowing what to make of it.

They atmosphere in the room had grown heavy. They broke apart and circled each other like wild animals, both of them showing their teeth.  
Some people just couldn’t play these kind of games.  
Pickles punched Skwisgaar in the arm. “Cahm’on, we gatta stop ‘em before they kill each other! You get Nathan, I’ll grab Toki.”  
“I ams not feelings like beings kills today.”  
“He won’t hurt you! We just need to break them apart and it’ll be fine. Do it!”

Pickles waved his arms. “Guys, stop it!” A low growl from Nathan was his only answer. “Skwisgaar, now!”  
Back to back they stepped between them, pushing them apart.  
“Toki, dude, look at me!” Pickles snapped his fingers.  
Skwisgaar faced Nathan. “Oh fucks please don’ts kills me.”   
Nathan shook his head to clear it. “Uh, I think we got a little carried away there. Yeah.” He went over and sprawled on the couch, breathing hard.

Toki just looked at them all, then fled to his room.  
They were supposed to just be _playing_ , he didn’t really know what had happened. It scared him, that darkness he’d felt rising, still controlled but threatening to break free.  
What would have happened? He didn’t even want to really think about that.  
But he’d turned on _Nathan_... they’d kicked him out for sure.  
He lay on his bed, waiting for the inevitable.

Skwisgaar came in. Well, it was his room too.  
Toki just turned to face the wall, but Skwisgaar sat on his bed. “Stops being Mr. Sensitives and gets your butt back outs dere.”  
“Why? So you can all tells me to goes away?”  
“Pfft, we ams not gettings rids of you, dildo. You ams actuallies a pretty goods guitarist. Come on, gets up.”  
Wanting to believe but not really daring to hope, Toki let himself be herded back to the living room.

Nathan was still lying on the couch. “Toki? It’s cool, okay? But we probably should like, never do that again.”  
Murderface nodded. “Schome people juscht schet each other off.” He was a little disappointed they’d been stopped, his morbid curiosity wanted to see who might win.  
Toki studied then incredulously. “I’s not fired?”  
“No dildo, you ams not fired.”   
Toki sat back down, still a little nervous. Everything seemed to be alright though.


	17. Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan has a crisis, and Charles can’t find answers.

It was open mic night, so Toki was at the bar. He’d played a few times already, with Mike and with some other guys. People actually seemed happy to see him, that was weird but he liked it.  
Toki was asked to play again, so he finished his beer and got back on stage. He usually didn’t drink much when he went out, since he did plenty of that at the house. A couple beers spread over the night was about it.  
About halfway through the song, Toki was very surprised when Pickles came in, not even in disguise. 

A murmuring started immediately, but he ignored them all, heading straight for the stage and for Toki. “Dude, ya gatta cahm with me raight now, I’ll explain in tha car.”  
Having no clue what might be the problem, Toki quickly unplugged his guitar and put it in it’s case. He had to practically run to keep up with Pickles, who was getting them out of there as fast as he could.  
“Git in fast ‘fore they can follow us!”  
Toki jumped in his side of the car and barely got the door closed before Pickles hit the gas and took off.

“Pickle, wheres we going?”  
“Haspital. Nathan fuckin’ collapsed earlier, I don’t know what’s wrong with ‘em. Tha others went with ‘em, I volunteered ta cahm git ya.”  
“Oh noes! But he’s goings to be okays, right?” Nathan was strong, invincible.  
Pickles just shrugged, it hadn’t looked good to him. “He puked blood, Toki. I don’t see any way thet might be good. But they’ll prab’ly know sahmthin’ by tha time we git there.”  
That did sound bad. Toki sat back, thinking.

“Pickle? It’s my faults, isn’t it?”  
“No! Why tha hell would ya even think thet?”  
“We plays too rough. I didn’t means to hurts him, I really didn’t means to!”  
“Toki, ya didn’t fuckin’ hurt him, an’ it’s naught yer fuckin’ fault! Jest... no. Rally, don’t even be thinkin’ thet.”  
Toki shrugged, unconvinced, but didn’t argue. They rode on in silence.  
They finally got there, and eventually found a parking space.

When they went inside, Pickles was recognized and they were ushered to a private waiting area. Murderface was slumped in a chair, and Skwisgaar was pacing the room nervously.  
“I schee you made it. Charlesch isch with him, but we don’t know anything yet.”  
Skwisgaar’s anxiety was contagious, Toki was fighting the urge to pace with him. “Can we goes see him?”  
“Yeah, what’s stawpin’ us? Let’s go.” Then Pickles realized he was missing some critical information. “Eh, anybody know tha room number?”  
“Ja, 666. Nathan insisteds.”

They moved through the halls, daring anyone to question them, but no one did.  
Hospital layouts were pretty easy, and the found the room without too much trouble. Nathan was lying on the bed, looking very tired. He’d been tired more and more lately, maybe he had that thing where you fall asleep a lot? Narcolepsy, that’s what it was called. A falling asleep disease wasn’t very brutal though.  
He smiled when he saw them. “Hey guys. Hey Toki, I see they found you.”  
“Ja, Pickle comes for me. You okays, Nathan?”

Charles answered. “We’re still waiting for the lab work, that should give us some idea of what we’re dealing with and our treatment options. They should have the results soon.  
They formed a loose arc around the bed, as if their very presence could protect their front man. They were all trying to convince themselves that everything would be okay, that they’d go home and it would all be back to normal. That Nathan wasn’t really sick.  
Maybe it was all a joke? It wasn’t a joke.

Nathan was being too quiet, he wasn’t joking or trying to reassure them. Something occurred to Charles. “Nathan... You know what the tests will show, don’t you?”  
The time for hiding it was over. “Yeah. Two years ago they told me I was running out of time, now I’m dying. And it really sucks!”  
Charles was thinking fast, hunting for solutions. “Well surely something can be done. Do you know what you were diagnosed with?”  
The glare he received said that he was an idiot for asking. “Hepatitis, I got it a long time ago. They told me it was a bad case and it would eventually kill me.”

“Well, we’ll get you a liver transplant then! People get those all the time, you’ll be fine! Why didn’t you tell me sooner, we could have got you on the list-“  
“No. I tried to get on the list, they won’t let me. And even if I did get a new liver, it would probably happen again. That’s what they told me. So, you know, I tried to do as much as I could. They told me the signs, a few months ago I knew I was running out of time. We got enough done for another album though, that’s... all I can give them.”

They were all listening in shock. Nathan was dying, and he hadn’t told any of them?  
Nathan _couldn’t_ die!  
Skwisgaar had gone back to pacing, and Pickles sat on the edge of the bed. Charles was clearly thinking hard, and Murderface was picking at his fingernails with his knife and keeping everything inside.  
Toki backed up and leaned against the wall, overwhelmed.

The doctors came in, and were asking them to leave, visiting hours were over. Heavy security would be stationed outside the room, constantly on guard.  
Nathan was staring at Charles. “Hey. Keep them safe for me, okay? Take care of them. I want you to promise me that.”  
“I promise.”  
Reluctantly, they left the room.

They went to the parking garage. “Toki, did you leave the other car at the bar?”  
“Oh shits, ja! Pickles comes in and says we gots to go, I didn’t even think abouts it.”  
“That’s fine. Murderface and Pickles, will you go retrieve the car and meet us at Mordhaus?” He saw their shocked expressions. “Yes, we’re moving now. Your rooms are mostly furnished and although there’s not yet a full staff, security is in place. _Do not_ go back to the house, I’ll send a truck for all your belongings tomorrow.”  
Pickles and Murderface nodded and drove off.  
Toki and Skwisgaar got in with Charles. Skwisgaar claimed the front seat.

It was a quiet drive, there was far too much on their minds for idle conversation.   
Instead of leaning forward like he normally did, Toki slumped back against his seat. He should have known it was all too good to last. The band couldn’t survive without Nathan, there was no point in even thinking about that.  
They passed the guard gate and drove down the newly improved road.  
The Haus was impressive, towering against the dark sky, but Toki was in no mood to admire it. This long awaited day was tainted.

The Haus wasn’t yet fully furnished, but most rooms had at least enough to tell what they would be. Charles turned to Skwisgaar. “You know the layout fairly well, please help Toki find his room. He took the larger guest room in your wing.” Skwisgaar nodded, and Charles headed off, probably to his office.  
With Skwisgaar leading, they wound through the Haus. “Pays attention so you don’ts get lost, okays?”  
Eventually they came to a door. Was this his room? Toki opened it, and was greeted with the furnishings he’d chosen. 

Skwisgaar was less than impressed. “Your room ams boring, wants to see mine?”  
Toki nodded, curious, and Skwisgaar led him down the hall and around the corner. His room was huge, and very white. “Well Skwisgaar, all this whites is boring!”  
“I likes white. It ams beautiful, like snow before it gets all messes up and ruins.” The emotional toll of the day had tired him. “I ams goings to bed, can you finds your room agains?”  
Toki nodded, it wasn’t very far away. He was pretty tired too, so bed sounded good.

Back in his room, Toki lay on the bed. He wanted to sleep but his brain was too full. He wanted to enjoy his new room, but how long would he even have it? If Nathan died and Dethklok was over, nobody would be living in this castle.  
He did sleep some, but it was fitful and full of nightmares that he couldn’t remember. But every time he woke the clock said it was a little later.  
He curled himself tighter, feeling very small and alone.

Very early the next morning, there was a soft knock at his door. “Hey Toki, ya awake?”  
He got up and answered it. “Hi Pickle, you lost?”  
“Nah. I jest can’t sleep, an’ wanted company.”  
That sounds fine to Toki, he really wanted some company too. “Does you think Charles fixes it yet?”  
“Let’s find out.”

Pickles led the way, and Toki tried to remember things as they passed them. He’d been there once before, but everything looked so different now. They went up some stairs.  
“Pickle, how comes you knows where everythings is?”  
“We all designed this place tagether, so I know tha layout. Me, Nat’an, an’ Skwisgaar are on tha same floor as you. The office an’ Charles’ rooms are above us, he likes bein’ up high. Tha next level down is the common rooms and tha studio, an’ the kitchens an’ all that are on the bottom level. Murderface is down there too, his room looks like a dungeon.”  
They had arrived at the office door.

Pickles went to knock, then changed his mind and eased the door open silently.  
Charles was on the phone, pleading with someone. It didn’t sound promising.  
The call ended and he hung up, fumbling it a bit in his stressed state.  
After all these tries, Charles had finally run out of people to call and sat slumped behind his desk. There had to be _something_ they could do, anything at all.  
But everything had been another dead end, it seemed that there was nothing to be done.

They’d never see the manager in this state, hadn’t known he was even capable of it.  
Charles looked up and saw them standing there. He just sighed and motioned them to come in. There were chairs in front of the desk, they sat in them.  
Pickles had to ask, “Well, do we have a plan? Did ya find Nat’an a new liver yet?” He noticed a folded blanket on the room’s couch. “Have ya even _slept_?”  
“No, no, and no. I’ve called everyone and everywhere I can think of, and nobody will do it. Not even for money, which is practically unheard of.

So that was it, Nathan would die. “How longs?”  
Charles rubbed his temples. “They don’t know for sure, probably only weeks. Nathan gave the doctors permission to tell me everything.” He opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle. “I need a drink, you want any?”  
“Hell yeah.” Pickles reached out for a glass.  
Toki just nodded.  
They sat, drinking Charles’ alcohol and watching the sun slowly rise.

Pickles had been thinking. “They’re naught gonna let us back in ta see Nat’an for hours yet, you need ta git sahm sleep.”  
“I can’t sleep, there’s simply too much to be done.”  
“Yer naught gonna be any good ta us like this, I’m yer boss an’ I’m orderin’ ya to git sahm sleep. Go ta yer room.”  
Charles rolled his eyes at this show of authority. “My furniture isn’t here yet, that’s why I was going to sleep on the couch.”

“Ya can sleep in my bed if ya want, I’m up.”  
“Thank you Pickles, but the couch will be fine.”  
“I wanna see ya lay down, cahm’on. I’ll tuck ya in even.” Pickles went to the couch, opening the blanket and holding it expectantly.  
Charles gave in, he was very tired. He lay down and let Pickles cover him with the blanket.  
“I’ll camh git ya when it’s time to go see Nat’an. Toki, let’s leave him alone.”  
They left, closing the door softly behind them.

Toki asked Pickles to lead him back to his room, he didn’t feel like exploring the Haus at the moment. Pickles did so, leaving him at his door with an awkward pat on the shoulder.  
He went in and curled back up on his bed. He knew he wouldn’t sleep, although he wished he could. Anything to not think for a while.  
It wasn’t too long before there was another knock at his door, and Skwisgaar came in. “Heys, I ams going to gets some food. Comes with me?”  
With a shrug, he got up and followed Skwisgaar.

The kitchen was mostly empty, stocking it and hiring a chef had been further down on the to-do list. Murderface was already there, he’d found what food there was and put it on the table.  
“Thisch isch the emergency food, in casche we had to move in early like we juscht did. It’sch all schit that doeschn’t go bad.”  
They had several kinds of beef jerky and chips, that was really about it. There was plenty though. None of them had much of an appetite, but they nibbled a bit. They knew they needed to eat something.  
They ate in silence, there was nothing to say.


	18. Hope?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan is still hanging in there, and a possible solution comes from an unexpected source.

Their stuff arrived the next day, boxed by what room it had been in. Since the people sent had never been to their house before, this was the best they could do. Nathan’s boxes were put in his room, but the others had to separate out their things.  
Since Toki didn’t have a whole lot of stuff, Skwisgaar ordered their boxes taken to his room and motioned for Toki follow along. The guys who carried everything wore black hoods, but nobody else seemed to think it was weird so Toki didn’t ask. It was probably another one of those things that the others had decided on a long time ago.

Toki was hoping to find his old bear before Skwisgaar did. He’d kept it out of sight this whole time, afraid of being called a baby or something. He wasn’t sure why he cared what Skwisgaar thought about him, but he did. Murderface had thought it was cool, but if he’d learned anything from living with them, it was that whatever Murderface liked was usually not liked by everyone else.  
But it was Skwisgaar who opened that particular box.

“Uh, Toki? Ams dis yous bear?”  
“Ja.” He could think of nothing to say.  
“Den de rest of dis stuff ams probablies yous too.” Although his first impulse was to pick on Toki for having a stuffed animal, there were far more serious things to worry about.  
The rest of the sorting went quickly, and Toki took his stuff to his room, relieved that it had gone as smoothly as it had. He was moved in now, but for how long?

****

Charles called them all for a briefing, he wasn’t looking so good. “I _will not_ give up, but I haven’t found a solution yet. It seems that no one is willing to preform a transplant on Nathan.”  
“Is gittin’ tha liver tha prablem? ‘Cause we gat fans who are offerin’ ta die fer us, ya know.”  
“No Pickles, I tried that approach. Even if someone dies and wills their liver to Nathan, it’s ‘unethical’ and they won’t preform the surgery.”  
“Juscht bribe them”  
“Again, I’ve tried. I’m not giving up though, as long as Nathan is alive I’ll keep searching for a solution.”

Meeting adjourned, they wandered off. The kitchen had been stocked by another one of those mysterious hood people, mostly sandwich stuff and things that didn’t need cooked. Charles must have sent someone out shopping.  
Skwisgaar had gotten one of them to bring him his guitar, as was carrying it around everywhere with him like some strange security blanket, playing constantly. Toki understood, he just needed something to hold onto as the world crumbled around them.

****

Charles was giving them daily updates on his search for a solution, and often only resting when they forced him to. He’d resisted even that until Pickles threatened to drug him.  
They were all in his office, having their meeting before it was time to go see Nathan. They still visited every day.  
“Despite my efforts, the rumors are flying. A fan has now volunteered to donate his own liver to Nathan. I would gladly take him up on it, but nobody at all will agree to do the surgery. Nathan is considered a very poor candidate for a transplant.”

“Can ya explain what they mean by thet?”  
“I’m told it’s almost certain that the virus will infect his new liver, and he would be lucky to get another five years before it too failed. I would still have them do it in an instant, but no one will no matter what I offer.”  
“Scho that’sch juscht it, Nathan isch dying?”  
“I won’t give up, I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep calling every lead I can find, but we’re running out of time fast.”

Murderface just nodded, understanding. He read enough morbid medical stuff to know.  
Toki pulled his feet up onto his chair, resting his chin on his knees and just listening. He couldn’t think of any questions that somebody hadn’t already asked. Skwisgaar was quiet too.  
Pickles didn’t get it. “As long as he’s alive, it’s naught too late, raight?”  
“Not exactly. Once the toxins in his blood reach a certain level, his other organs will start failing fast and it will be too late.”  
“Gawd thet sucks!”

****

A week had passed, and Nathan was still hanging in there. He wasn’t considered stable enough to be sent home, but at least he was still alive.  
Every day they all went to the hospital to see him, and stayed until the staff threw them out again. Visiting hours were so short. And every day they worried that he would no longer be there.  
It was that time, so they were in Nathan’s room again. He seemed more like his usual self today, but the doctors had told them that he would have good days every now and then, and not to get their hopes up.

They were very surprised when someone familiar and completely unexpected suddenly walked through the door.  
“Hi Nathan, I hear you sicks.” Magnus leaned over the bed, looking concerned.  
“Yeah, I’m not doing so hot. It fucking sucks.”  
Everyone seemed to be accepting that he was there, after all he had been one of them until recently. Toki didn’t know what to make of it.  
“I comes because I has question for yous. But it am big secrets.”

Charles spoke up, interrupting. “How did you get in here? I left strict orders with security, Dethklok only.”  
Magnus showed his concert ID. “This was proofs for them. I come to see Nathan, the rumors is true?”  
“I have no idea how you heard about this, but yes it’s true.” At least he didn’t need to worry about anyone else getting through, Magnus was the only ex-Dethklok member out there.  
He decided to ignore Charles. “Nathan, you wants new liver?”  
“Yeah. But it’s like, impossible.”  
“Not impossible. I has uncle, he doctor. You flies to there, you gets it.”

Nathan’s eyes narrowed. “Tell me more.”  
“He one of them that buys organs froms all over and sell them to peoples. All secret, but he will treat yous if I asking. You wants?”  
“Hell yeah! Even if it’s just a little more time, I want it. Charles, set it up. We’re going to... uh, wherever.”  
Charles looked worried. “The doctors say you probably can’t make a long trip.”  
“I don’t care what they said! I have nothing left to lose, set it up!”

He was only the manager, after all. “Very well. Magnus, I’m afraid I’ll probably need you to translate.”  
Magnus shook his head. “No, my aunt marry American, you not has problems. You gives me tissue type reports, I set it up.” He did seem to know what he was talking about, at least.  
Charles was still unconvinced. “Why are you offering this? What do you want?”  
“I don’t wants Nathan to dies, and I wants to goes with you.”  
Nathan was nodding empathetically, so Charles agreed. “Fine, we have a deal. What’s your uncle’s name?”  
“His name Doctor, that all the names you get. Comes on, we call.”

They weren’t gone long.  
“Well it’s done, we’re flying to France in two days. From there we’ll be picked up by the hospital staff and take to some secret location. I assume you all want to go along?” They all nodded, and he continued. “Magnus, I want you to stay at the Haus tonight, is that alright with you.”  
“Yes. I helps design, I likes to stay.”

****

Magnus insisted on sleeping on the couch. He had walked through the entire structure it seemed, looking at everything wistfully.  
The hot tub had been filled and they all soaked in it, drinking. Nathan’s absence was huge, he should have been there with them, moving into this castle with them.   
The others tried to keep a conversation going, but Toki wasn’t even listening. He felt like he was floating in unreality, and would fall at any moment.

Pickles half heartedly suggested a jam session, just to distract them, but nobody took him up on it. Without Nathan there, it would only reinforce their feelings of being disconnected. Skwisgaar was still playing his guitar constantly, but they’d gotten used to that. It was just... something he did now.  
They were leaving early in the morning anyway. Apparently they had some luxury helicopter ordered, but it wasn’t ready yet so they were taking a commercial flight.

****

The next morning, the six of them went to the airport. They were wearing various things from their disguise supply out of habit, but nobody paid any attention to them. The last Dethklok tour had been international, so everyone had a passport. Toki’s passport was Norwegian, but it was still good and would serve it’s purpose. He could get an American one later.  
After the usual bullshit delays, they were on the plane. It was horribly cramped, even Pickles didn’t seem very comfortable and he was the smallest. Poor Skwisgaar couldn’t even get his knees straight in front of him.

The flight took nine fucking hours. Nine hours cramped in an airplane with crappy airline food and no alcohol. (This flight, for some reason, served no alcohol.) Toki tried to sleep, but it was impossible. He was sitting next to Skwisgaar, and even resorted to trying to use his way-too-bony shoulder as a pillow. That didn’t work so well.  
After hours of seeing nothing but clouds and fucking water, land was beneath them. Since they were very high in the air, details were impossible to make out. 

Eventually, they landed.  
As soon as they all made it through the security checkpoint, they were greeted by a very nondescript guy. “Please follow me.” He set off, assuming they would obey.  
Another plane waited, one with few markings. They were all ushered quickly inside. There were no windows at all. They found seats and sat down, hoping for the best. Magnus assured them that this was routine, and not to worry. Charles didn’t look reassured, but apparently felt they had no choice.

Shortly after takeoff, the plane circled several times so their direction of travel would be impossible to guess.  
Nathan slumped in his seat, he’d managed to hold up pretty good so far but he was exhausted. They figured out how to put up the armrests, and encouraged him to lay down across the seats. He did so gratefully. Unless he perked back up, it didn’t look like he was even going to be able to walk off the plane.

The plane wasn’t designed to carry many people, so this left them short of seats. Pickles wandered to the back and sat on the floor, so Toki went and joined him. “Hey kid, how ya holdin’ up?”  
“I’s okays. Pickle, does you think Nathan will really be alrights?” He didn’t look anything close to alright.  
“I sure fuckin’ hope so.”  
With nothing else to do, Toki curled up on the floor next to Pickles and finally managed a little nap.

****

Pickles woke him up sometime later, they had landed.   
The door opened and nurse-looking people came in with a wheelchair. Toki expected Nathan to at least make a token objection, but he was just too tired to care. They helped him into the chair and pushed him out, with everyone following behind. The plane apparently docked up to the hospital, there were still no windows or any other way to see out. That was still creepy, but at least the place was well lit and looked modern and clean.

Nathan was wheeled to a room and helped into the bed. The nurses didn’t seem thrilled to have such a large group following them around, patients probably came alone or with a single caretaker. At least one of them knew English, and addressed them. “The doctor will be in shortly, do not leave the room.” The nurses left.  
Magnus assured them that this was normal procedure.

The doctor came in, and greeted Magnus. Then, ignoring the others, he turned to Nathan. “So you need a new liver, okay. We need to do some tests first to make sure you can tolerate the surgery, but the good news is we have a suitable liver in storage.”  
Charles apparently felt the need to interrupt. “In storage? But there’s only a small window of time before the organ is no longer viable.”   
Doctor shrugged. “Fine, don’t believe me, whatever.”  
Magnus looked at Charles in disappointment. “I tells you it different heres, just believe it.”

Nathan was curious. “So how long can you keep one for?”  
“We’re not sure, the demand for organs doesn’t allow us to hold them for more than a few months. We’ve used some as old as six months with no ill effects, so at least that long. We can’t share our research of course, since experimenting on humans is prohibited, but we’ve had many breakthroughs over the years. For instance, there will be no need for you to take immunosuppressant drugs.”  
“Wow.” Not having to take crappy medicine sounded good.

“I want the rest of you out of this room, we’ll put you in one of the visitor rooms. Magnus, will you be staying with them?”  
“Yes, Uncle.”  
“Fine, you can all have A3, you know where it is.” He turned back to Nathan. “The nurse will come in and draw a sample so we can get your liver ready for you, the process takes a week.” He headed for the door.  
“Wait.” Charles was still concerned. “What’s your name? How can we ask for you?”  
“You can call me Doctor Blue if you want. We all wear different colored shirts for that reason, but whatever.”

Somewhat disturbed by the strangely apathetic doctor, they followed Magnus when he asked them too.  
The place had a very unfriendly air to it, the staff that they passed didn’t speak or even make eye contact. A few levels down (they seemed to be underground now), they came to a door. A3, this was their room? They went in.  
There were bunk beds lining one wall, and a few couches. “We eat ins the cafeteria, can go theres and to see Nathan. Nowhere else, understand?”  
They all nodded.


	19. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan’s surgery, Skwisgaar’s belt buckle, and Toki’s photos. That pretty much covers it.

The test results were in, and they were all gathered in Nathan’s room to hear the verdict.  
Doctor, or Doc as they were all calling him now, closed the door. “Well Nathan, we’re cutting it very close but you’ll get your transplant in time, tomorrow in fact. You have the worst case of hepatitis I’ve ever seen, and I fully expect you to need another liver in a matter of years, and more after that.”  
That sucked, but... “Uh, we can come back right? To get more?”  
“Yeah, whatever.”

Charles had thought of a possible solution, and already okayed it with the others. “Would you consider setting up a second location in America? We’re in need of a doctor on our staff, and I could guarantee you a steady supply of organs.”  
“How?”  
“Well our employees seem to have a high mortality rate, we’ll simply add a clause where they are all organ donors. The hiring process alone produces a lot of bodies. As long as the band is your first priority, you may do whatever you like with the spare organs.”

They hood people died a lot?! Toki wasn’t aware of this!  
Skwisgaar, of all people, objected. He apparently hadn’t understood what they’d been told the night before. “But you tolds us we can be burnings dem! Viking funerals!”  
“You can still burn them, he’ll just take some parts out first.”  
“Oh. Well den, I ams okay wit it.”

The doctor had clearly been considering it. “Give me a few days to discuss it with the others, and I’ll let you know.”  
“Very well.” Charles was confident that he would accept, and offer like that didn’t come along every day.  
“You all need to go home. Nathan will be under our care for the next month, and we can’t have you all hanging around that long.”  
“Noes, we can’ts leave him!” Toki surprised himself by being the first to speak up.  
“Yeah, it’s naught thet we don’t trust ya, but...” Pickles trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

Doctor shook his head. “You may wait until he comes out of surgery, but then you leave. We allow only one person to stay, you pick who.” He walked out.  
They all looked at each other. Only one could stay? How to choose... Should they make Nathan pick?  
Pickles sighed. “As much as I hate ta leave, I think it should be Charles. He’s tha best at gittin’ stuff done, he can take tha best care of Nat’an.”  
That made sense, they all were nodding in agreement.  
“Very well, I’ll stay. Will you all be alright on your own?”

They all nodded. They’d been doing just fine in their other house while pretending to be regular jack offs, so they should be more than fine in their castle with all the security.  
Charles looked resigned. “I’ll have to prepare a statement for the press, rumors of Nathan’s illness have gotten out. We have to offer some explanation."  
“Lie! Because, you know, this is not very brutal.”  
“Well, they know it’s your liver, even Magnus heard that. How else do you suggest we explain it?”  
“It’s just not metal.”

Pickles had an idea. “Hey, how ‘bout we tell ‘em you drink too much? Drinkin’ ‘til ya die is pretty brutal.”  
“Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Tell them I need new livers because of my drinking!”  
“Well I’m sure your drinking doesn’t help matters, so that sounds believable enough. Very well, we’ll go with that angle.” A nurse popped in and gave them a hard look, they were supposed to be out of here. “Nathan, we have to go. The others will see you tomorrow before they go home.”  
Nathan just nodded, and they all left the room.

****

Magnus had stayed with them so far, but he was leaving too. It had been a little awkward having him there, considering how they’d thrown him out of the band, but he’d saved Nathan. That counted for a lot.  
Skwisgaar finally asked the question. “So... what ams you going to be doesing now? Gots another bands?”  
“No, I plan to does studio things now. I am getting too old for stages, like you tells me. I has friend who ask me to work with him, I go there first. You can rule that halfs the words, Skwisgaar, I can has this halfs.”  
That sounded fair, although Skwisgaar was unlikely to stick to his half.

Nathan’s surgery was scheduled to be over by noon, so they were packing their things. As soon as he was done they plane would be expecting them.  
Magnus took Skwisgaar aside, but in this small room there was no privacy and everybody shamelessly eavesdropped. “I has gift for you.” They watched as he took a silver skull from his bag and dropped it in Skwisgaar’s hand. “Now you has one too.”

Skwisgaar studied the skull, it was a belt buckle. Not the same as the one Magnus wore, but very nice. “No wings on dis one.”  
“You don’t needs wings, too damn fast already. Beside, they stabs you if you bend, better without.”   
“Buts... why?”  
Magnus shrugged. “You wants truth, I buys it for me. But I has this one for longs, I just going to not change. So I gives it to you. No hard feeling, Skwisgaar. You does for the band, I understands.” He turned, knowing they were listening. “Toki, goods luck to you.”

Skwisgaar took off his belt and changed the buckle. To his disappointment, the silver looked less than dramatic against the white leather. “Pfft, now I ams goings to has to get a new belts too.”  
“Oh boy, more shoppings!” Toki grinned at him.  
“Dude? Ya don’t rally _like_ shoppin’, do ya?” That just wasn’t normal.  
“Noes, I was being sarcastics.” But of course he’d go if asked.  
“Oh. Well ya rally suck at it.”

****

They woke up late, to a knocking on the door.  
Even Charles had slept in, that was unheard of. But of course, in this windowless environment, none of them had seen daylight since they arrived. Combine that with jet lag and their internal clocks were completely messed up.  
It was noon, they had to leave. Well at least they’d packed early.  
Gathering their things, they followed the waiting nurse to another floor.

Doc came out to meet them. “Good timing, he just woke up. You should probably go in one at a time, but whatever.”  
They went in all together, of course. Nathan still looked pretty out of it, but he smiled at them. “Hi.”  
They gathered around him, reassuring themselves that he was alive.  
After a very short time, they were being asked to leave, apparently the plane was waiting and they needed to go right now.  
Saying goodbye sounded too final, so they all either just waved or patten him on the shoulder.

It felt wrong to be leaving Nathan behind, but they had no choice. Charles would take care of him, right? They were ushered back into the windowless plane, which once again circled after takeoff.  
It was only a matter of time before they were landing in France.  
The door was opened, and they stepped out into the sun for the first time in over a week. You never noticed you missed a thing like sunshine until you couldn’t have any.  
They headed for the terminal, there would be other flights to catch.

Magnus had said his goodbyes the night before, he split just after customs. Walking off with a wave, he went to catch a plane to where ever he was going next.  
Charles had told them that tickets would be waiting for them, so they went to the counter. Sure enough, after showing ID, they were handed their tickets.  
They all went tot he terminal to wait, nobody felt much like wandering around.  
After a couple hours, they boarded the plane.

The flight home was just as long, cramped, and uncomfortable as the flight there had been.  
Skwisgaar went to the bathroom and didn’t come back for a long time, long enough to make Toki wonder if he was okay in there. A stewardess came out of the bathroom, funny, he’d thought that was the one Skwisgaar was in. He must have gotten them mixed up.  
Toki went back to watching the clouds pass beneath them, and soon Skwisgaar came back to his seat.

When they landed back in America, there was a delay at customs. While the rest of them pretty much just walked through, Toki’s Norwegian passport took a little more time. He was going to have to get an American one, if they ever went out of the country again.  
Finally they let him pass, and they retrieved their luggage. ‘Luggage’ wasn’t a very brutal word, but didn’t feel like thinking up a better term right then.  
Pickles had the keys to the car they’d brought to the airport, so he got to drive home.

It was strange to walk back in that door, still no Nathan and now not even Charles. Nobody but the four of them, and the occasional hooded figure. But it was good to be home again.  
The kitchen had been restocked, Charles must have called and ordered someone to have things ready for them. They still had no cook, but it was still stuff they could manage on their own.  
The were going to have to hire a cook someday, the biggest band in the world shouldn’t have to make their own sandwiches. They weren’t nearly _that_ big yet, but that was the plan.

****

Skwisgaar still wanted to get a new belt, and didn’t want to just order one online. And since nobody was here to tell him not to, he decided to go to the mall. Out of all those stores, he said that surely he could find something perfect. “Toki, comes to de malls wit me.”  
“Okays!” He tried not to seem too eager, but he was happy to be picked. “Can I drives?”  
“No.” Skwisgaar knew his driving sucked, but he planned to do it anyway. “Let us go nows, okay?”  
Pickles looked like he was going to say something, but changed his mind and just waved goodbye.

In disguises, they went to the mall. It wasn’t very crowded at the moment, that was good. And this shouldn’t take long...  
Toki discovered that there was no such thing as shopping quickly with Skwisgaar, the man insisted on seeing _every_ belt in _every_ store. They were all perfectly good belts, but he just kept looking. It was really annoying. “Just buys one, they’s all abouts the same!”  
“No! I don’t wants de same as everybodies, I wants someting differents.” He headed down a corridor, where the last few stores they hadn’t seen yet were located. Toki followed.

Suddenly he stopped. “Shits! Dat ams it, but _not_ from dat store! I can’ts be going in dere.”  
Toki ws confused. There in the window display was a silver studded black belt, it would look nice with the buckle. So what was the problem? “Just buys it so we can goes home.”  
“But Toki... dat’s _Hot Topics_.”  
“So? We goes in all the other stores.”  
“You jus don’t understands!”  
“Fine, gives me the money, I’ll go in and gets it!” It was just a store, what was the big deal?

Skwisgaar seemed to approve of that plan, he handed over the cash.  
Toki went in, the belts were in the back. It was a pretty cools store. Not really stuff he could see himself wearing, but still cool. They even sold Dethklok t-shirts, although it was an older version with Magnus still on it.  
Toki grabbed a belt, after all these stores he knew what size to get, and paid for it. Funny, it was cheaper than a lot of the other ones they’d looked at.

Skwisgaar refused to even hold the bag, he _really_ had an issue with that store.  
Toki didn’t care. Instead of holding it rolled up where the name didn’t show, he held it by the handle and swung it as they walked.   
This worked, Skwisgaar hurried them out of the mall. Safely (if you want to call it that) back in the car, he turned to Toki. “You has to promise me you won’ts be telling anybody where I got dis, okay?”  
But that would be fun... but if it bothered him _that_ much... “Okays.”

They made it home in one piece, after a stop at a convenience store to get rid of that bag.  
Toki had run in and picked up more beer with the last of their money, it never hurt to have extra beer.  
Back at the Haus, Skwisgaar disappeared into his room, probably to admire his new accessory, and Toki wandered off in search of the others.  
Nobody was really doing anything, just watching TV and stuff like that.  
Charles called in and (on speaker phone) reported that all was going well with Nathan. That was good.

****

Toki was lying on his bed when there was a knock on his door.  
He answered it, and was surprised to see one of the hood guys with a box. “This came for you, my lord.”  
He hadn’t ordered anything, but it had his name on it. Then he noticed the postmark was Norway...  
Had his parents tracked him down for some reason? Did he even want to know what might be in this thing? He shook it, but the contents were well packed and didn’t move.

Curiosity won, and he opened it. It seemed to be all those white things they called peanuts, even thought you couldn’t eat them. Toki dug down, making a mess in the process.  
His hands found something hard and flat, he pulled it free. A framed photo of his parents... he’d forgotten he’d asked for that. The box was big, were there more? He dug around some more.  
In all, there were two photos of his parents together, one of each of them alone, and a surprise, one of himself as a child.

How could he hang them? His walls were stone...  
There were still some construction supplies on the top floor, maybe there was something he could use there? Leaving the photos on his bed and ignoring the mess of foam peanuts on his floor, Toki hurried up to see what he could find. If there was something he could get to stick in the wall, he could hang them on string or maybe wires.

In a box, there were some sort of large spikes. He had no idea what they had been used for, but they looked like they would work. And there was even a few hammers up here, great! He took some and headed back to his room to try them out.  
The first hit only threw a stone chip in his face. It stung, but he tried again, hitting harder. It didn’t go in without a fight, but it went in. Encouraged by his success, Toki drove in the other five. Yes, he only had five pictured total, but it didn’t hurt to have a spare spot.

He’d put them all on the wall behind his bed. That way he could look at them if he wanted to, but couldn’t see them when he was in bed.  
Toki surveyed his work. Photos of his parents and a teddy bear, they would probably make fun of him but he didn’t care too much. This was _his_ room, and he could do whatever he wanted with it. Nathan had his new liver, so everything would be okay.  
It was finally safe to feel at home here.


	20. Mutiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pickles has a plan, and assorted happenings. Nathan and Charles will come home too.  
> Warnings: mentioned bestiality, but don’t worry, nobody’s doing it

Pickles called a band meeting. They all claimed that he lacked the authority to do that, but showed up anyway out of curiosity. “Okie you guys, I’m growin’ my scruff back. An’ I want ya all ta do it too, so Nat’an can’t bitch ‘bout it. Alreet?”  
Toki grinned at him. “I’s in!” He still missed his facial hair.  
Murderface nodded. “Schure, I’ve alwaysch wanted to try a mouschtache. Then I can offer the ladies mouschtache ridesch.”  
“Real classys dere Murderfaces. I don’ts know about dis, I don’t like hasing de face hairs.”

They all turned on him. “Cahm’on Skwisgaar! Ya can always shave it off later, jest do it fer tha rest of us!”  
“Chicksch dig it.”  
“Ja, comes on Skwisgaar, it’ll be funs! We can goes through movies and stuff and finds you somethings really cool!”  
It was three against one so Skwisgaar gave in, throwing up his hands. “Fines, I will does it! But probably nots for long.”

Skwisgaar got up and left, and Toki followed him. “Comes on, let’s go finds you something to grows!”  
With a sigh, Skwisgaar stopped and turned. “Looks Toki, I ams not even wantings to does dis, okay? But I gots to stands with de rest of yous. I don’ts care what I grows, maybe I should just grows everyting?”  
“Noes, you’s got to does something reallies cool!”  
“Fines, you go finds me someting and I will grows it.”  
Toki was surprised. “I gets to pick? Oh thanks you Skwisgaar, I finds you something reallies cool, I promise!”

Skwisgaar waved him away, and Toki set out on his mission. Pickles had stacked a lot of old music magazines, mostly Guitar Player, in the still empty studio, he would just look through them. It was a good place to start, even if he didn’t find anything he liked.  
It was slow going because he kept getting distracted by articles and things. There was one guy who was standing out for him though, he’d been in several of the magazines and he had a huge moustache. He would do, and this one he was currently going through had a nice big photo.

Toki took the magazine (he’d put it back later) and went to find Skwisgaar.  
It wasn’t hard, he was in his room. He spent a lot of time in there for some reason. “Looks, I finds you some hairs!”  
Skwisgaar studied the photo, then shrugged. “Okay, whatevers. I grows dat. Dis is his name? Zappas? Who ams he?”  
“I don’ts really know, but he’s in a whole lots of these magazines!”

Skwisgaar was still looking at it, memorizing the pattern. It wasn’t complicated or anything. He rubbed his stubble and sighed. He’d do it for the band of course, Toki was sure of that. He didn’t look happy about it though.  
“Skwisgaar, comes outside with me.” He wanted company and it was worth a try to get him while he was feeling compliant.  
“Outsides? Why woulds I be wantings to does dat?” Why go outside when they had everything they needed in here?  
“For funs? To keeps me companies? Comes ooon...”

With a shrug, Skwisgaar got up. “Fines, I will goes outside wit yous. I still don’ts know whys though.”  
Not pausing to question his good fortune, Toki led him out the door into the sunshine. There was all this territory to explore, and everybody wanted to just sit in the house -no, the _haus_ \- all day, what the fuck was their problem?  
Blinking like a kitten in the bright light, Skwisgaar stopped in confusion. “Okays, whats now?”  
Toki rolled his eyes. “Follows me.”

There were paths, probably left by the construction workers. Toki started down one, he’d checked most of them out already. None of them went very far, but that was okay for now. Skwisgaar followed, but not very enthusiastically.  
Someday he would go all the way to the edges of their property, there was supposed to be a fence or a wall surrounding it all. If that was true, it was too far away to see, not even from the top of the haus.  
“Toki? Where ams we goings?”  
“Nots too far, don’ts worry.”

This was what he liked, just getting out. Walking through the trees... when he was alone he often ran. Skwisgaar probably wouldn’t like that though, so he kept it slow. They walked for a bit.  
“Toki? _Why_ ams we walking around outs here?”  
Toki realized that Skwisgaar wasn’t enjoying this. That sucked, but he didn’t want to just be dragging him around. “I’s sorries, we can goes back now. I just thoughts you might likes it.”  
Skwisgaar shrugged. It wasn’t that big of a deal, he just didn’t get it. Toki turned around and they headed back the way they’d come.

It was awkward now, Toki having no idea why Skwisgaar had agreed to come if he didn’t like walking around outside. They made their way back in silence.  
He already knew that neither Pickles nor Murderface really liked it out here. Now he knew Skwisgaar didn’t care for it either. Maybe Nathan, when he came home... Nathan hadn’t liked being trapped in the house, he’d complained about it often enough.  
In the meantime he’d just go alone.  
They made it back, and Skwisgaar headed back toward his room.

****

Project Facial Hair was off to a good start.  
Pickles and Toki hadn’t even experimented, just started regrowing their previous styles. Murderface’s was coming in very thick, but with a oddly sparse area in the middle. He had al old scar there, very faint, but apparently the hair didn’t like to grow over it. It suited him though.  
Even more surprising was how thick Skwisgaar’s was growing in, no wonder he normally shaved so often.  
Although still short, the patterns were clearly visible on all of them.

Charles called, informing them that the doctor had accepted their offer and Mordland would soon be Undisclosed Location #2.  
They even got to talk to Nathan, he sounded good. They would be home in an another week or so. Nobody mentioned their hairy little plan of course, that was going to be a surprise. Nathan had gotten a liver transplant, not had a heart attack, so the shock wouldn’t kill him.  
Well, at least they hoped not. He was probably going to be really mad though.

****

They were watching a marathon of The Lone Ranger reruns on TV, the old black and white ones.  
One thing kept bothering Toki though. “I don’t gets why he has to fucks his horse.”  
“What?!” They all turned to him incredulously. These old shows didn’t even show people in the same bed, much less bestiality! They couldn’t figure this one out, Pickles just had to ask. “Toki? _Why_ do ya think he’s fuckin’ tha horse?”

Wasn’t it obvious? Hmm, maybe not... “Whys else would he keeps callings it Ho Silver? He’s fuckings it, it’s his ho.”  
Pickles fell off the couch, he was laughing so hard, and Murderface nearly joined him. Skwisgaar just shook his head, chuckling himself.  
Uh-oh, he’d said something really stupid, hadn’t he? “You coulds at least stops laughing at me and explains this!”

Pickles, still on the floor but sitting up now, patted him on the knee. “Trust me, he’s naught fuckin’ tha horse! An’ he’s naught callin’ it a ho, it’s jest sahmthin’ he says! Ya know, like in Snow White? The dwarfs all say hi-ho?”  
“What? He’s fuckings dwarfs?!” What was _wrong_ with this guy?  
He got no answer as the other three were once again speechless with laughter.   
Murderface, managed to blurt out “Boy horsche!” before losing it again.

Toki shrugged. “So what’s you saying is the horse fucks him?! That’s horribles!”  
Wheezing at his feet, Pickles slapped weakly at his leg. “Stawp... oh please stawp, yer fuckin... _killin’_ me...”  
Skwisgaar finally caught his breath. “Gods Toki, what kinds of porn has you been lookings at?!”  
Nobody was going to explain, that sucked. “Fines, don’ts answer! Has fun watching horse fuckings TV, I’s goings to my room!” They were laughing as long as he could still hear them.

Toki hated it when he got confused about things. It had seemed simple enough to him, then they had to throw in all this other weird shit and wouldn’t stop laughing at him. He knew from experience that they probably would never even bring it up again, but still.  
He should have gotten some of those model kits when he was at the mall with Skwisgaar, but he’d been so tired of shopping he’d forgotten. He didn’t want to shop again any time soon, so he’d just get the manager to order some when he got back.  
They would be something to do.

****

Two weeks later, Nathan _finally_ came home. He yelled for them to come see him, and they came slowly, not sure how he was going to react. Only Skwisgaar really had the decency to look ashamed of himself.   
Nathan stared at them, his expression unreadable. “This is mutiny!”  
Well... yes it was. Toki was a little worried, but the others were standing firm. They were all in this together, that was reassuring.  
Nathan scowled, looking at each of them in turn. He chose the weakest link.

“Skwisgaar? You don’t even like that, do you? I mean, I didn’t think you were the type.”  
He shrugged. “No, not reallies. But you knows, de band has gots to stick togethers.”  
“So you grew that just to support those goofballs?” Nathan found the whole thing amusing now. “It looks kinda cool, but you can shave it off if you want to. I’m not going to make them shave. You guys hear that? Have fun being hairy bums or whatever!”  
“Yay, we’s hairy bums!” Toki was just happy that it was apparently cool now.  
Pickles just grinned. “Welcome home, Nat’an.”

****

In a band meeting, Charles announced that construction would begin soon on the new medical wing. As with the one they had recently visited, it would be largely built underground. The above ground part would be a normal clinic, while the lower portion would include a morgue and an extensive organ preservation chamber.  
At least now, when Nathan’s new liver eventually failed, it was okay. He could just go and get another one. And the doctor would see to any medical needs they might have. It was a good arrangement.

Less encouraging was Nathan’s alcohol intake. He’d been deprived for his entire hospital say and was trying to make up for lost time or something.  
Charles did his best to convince him otherwise. “Nathan, it’s really not good for your new liver to drink this much. Really, you should take it easy.”  
“I’m going to fucking drink, okay? So just don’t bother trying to stop me.” They’d only been home a day, and he was already right back to ignoring the manager.

Later in the hot tub, they all sat drinking. Skwisgaar had shaved already, but the others wore their facial hair with pride. Nathan didn’t really seem to care, not anymore.  
It was good to all be back together again, and to know that everything would be alright. At least for now. Nathan seemed like his old self, except for the bright pink scar on his abdomen. Scars were brutal though, so it was okay.  
Finally, they could begin moving forward again.


	21. Playgirl Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki gets a phone call, asking him to be in a magazine. Of course he accepts.  
> Warnings: unimportant OCs
> 
> Linking the art for this chapter, because it's higher quality that all the rest of the illustrations, and also because you might be curious, [Playgirl cover Toki](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/zsomeone/17730743/60453/60453_original.jpg) (NSFW)

It took a little convincing, but Toki managed to get Nathan to come outside with him.  
One on one, Nathan was surprisingly talkative. “I used to go hunting with my dad, we’d camp in the woods and shit. Your dad ever take you hunting?”  
Or course Nathan knew nothing about his parents, none of them did. “Noes, I don’ts think he ever does that himselfs. But I hasn’t seen him in a long times, don’ts know what he does now.”  
“Oh. Don’t you like, miss him? Or something? I mean, my dad annoys me sometimes but I still miss not seeing him. Sometimes.”

Toki stopped. “Can we just not talks about my family?”  
“Oh. Yeah, sorry. It’s cool.” Nathan really wasn’t the type to pry, he’d just been making conversation. “Hey Toki, how fast are you? Do you think you can beat me to that crooked tree up there? That one, you see it?”  
He nodded. “I’s pretty fast.” Nathan suddenly took off running. “No fairs!” Toki took off after him, trying to catch up.

He closed the gap a lot, but couldn’t quite catch him. Nathan slapped the tree and came to a stop, bent over and breathing hard.  
Oh shit, he’d just had surgery not long ago, he probably shouldn’t be running! “Nathan! You okay? Dids you hurt you’s liver?”  
“I’m fine. Just out of shape.”  
“Ja, I almost catches you!”  
“You did, huh? Good for you.” Spying a patch of grass, Nathan went and flopped down in it.

Toki sat in the grass beside him, it was nice to have company. Too bad the others never went farther than the picnic area. Which he wasn’t supposed to call that, because it wasn’t metal. They hadn’t come up with a good name for it yet though.  
From here, they could see the construction of the hospital. As soon as it was finished, they would hire the rest of their staff. The manager had made some deal with the doctor, Toki didn’t understand it.  
When they had more staff, they wouldn’t have to do their own laundry and stuff anymore. That would be cool.

Nathan sat up. “Hey, let’s go back now. Or they’ll like, think we got lost or something.”  
“Okays. Can we does this again sometimes? Nobody else wants to comes out here.”  
“Yeah, sure. I like this. I mean, not all the time or it’d get boring, but yeah. You tried the others?”  
“Pickle and Murderface won’t even try, they just wants to sit around and drinks. Skwisgaar comes once but I can tells he don’ts like it, so I takes him back.”  
“Oh. Well maybe we’ll bring a tent sometime and sleep out here, that’s kinda fun if you have enough beer.”  
Sleeping outside when you didn’t have to wasn’t his idea of fun, but Toki agreed anyway. It would probably be different.

****

Toki was in his room when one of their hooded employees knocked on the door. “My Lord, you have a phone call.” He was carrying one of the cordless phones they had scattered around the haus.  
A call? Who could be calling him? What if it was his _parents_? Not knowing what else to do, Toki accepted the phone. He waited until the employee had left the room to speak.

“Hellos?”  
“Is this Toki Wartooth?”  
The voice was female, and completely unfamiliar. “Yes. Who’s this? Why's you callings me?”  
“This is Tessa Vaughan from Playgirl Magazine, we’d love to do an article on you.”  
“I think you’s made a mistake, I’s not a goil.”  
“No, it’s a magazine _for_ women, filled with photos of popular men.”

Popular men... that was tempting right there. She considered him popular! “Are you  
s sure you means to call me, and nots somebodies else?”  
“I assure you, this is not a mistake. But it would probably be best not to tell the others. We wouldn’t want them to get jealous that they weren’t asked, would we? Tell me Toki, will you do it?”  
She was right, he shouldn’t tell. He could always take one of the old cars and go by himself. “Yes.” He thought of something else. “What ams I supposed to wears?”  
“Oh don’t worry about that, we’ll have things you can change into. Bring your guitar though, if you would.”

She continued, giving the time, date, and directions. He knew the area she was talking about, he could find it. And it was a morning thing, that was easier. Most of them slept late, he should be able to slip out without being noticed.  
Because, like she’d said, they might be jealous. Playgirl wanted _him_!  
He still wasn’t sure exactly what kind of magazine it was, but it was for chicks, that was cool. At least, he was pretty sure it was.

****

Several days later. Toki carefully snuck out.  
A few employees nodded to him as was their custom, but he saw no one else.   
The keys were hanging just inside the door to the garages. Nobody had removed the diseased looking rubber mushroom that was on one of the sets. That made it easy, he knew which car that went to.  
Grabbing them, he carefully put his guitar in the back seat and got in. This was exciting!

An hour later, he was far less thrilled. He’d rarely driven by himself, and everybody drove so crazy! Although he hadn’t actually been in any real danger yet, Toki felt like he’d nearly been killed multiple times.  
Finally, at last, he found the address. He managed to park, grabbed his guitar, and made his way inside.  
Everybody there was dressed fancy, he felt out of place in his t-shirt and jeans.

The receptionist regarded him cooly. “And you are...?”  
“Um, I’s Toki Wartooth? This lady calls, tells me to comes here to does pictures?”  
“Ah, Wartooth of Dethklok. Yes, they’re expecting you, go down that hall and it’s the last door on your right.” She pointed with her pen.  
He wandered in the direction she’d indicated. The last door on the right was closed, so he knocked.

Another woman opened the door, this one recognized him. “Toki! I’m Tessa, we’re so glad you could make it, come on in!”  
There were two other women and a man in the room, the man seemed to be the photographer. There were hanging colored cloth things, and weird lights all over the place.  
Tessa continued, “You can set your guitar over there for now. Janet here-“ (the older lady, apparently) “is our wardrobe person.”

Toki nodded, set his guitar down, and stood waiting. Janet was rummaging through a rack of clothing. She pulled out a shirt made out of some kind of mesh, it was full of little holes. “Could we ask you to wear this?”  
With a shrug, Toki took off his baggy t-shirt, then noticed them looking at him funny.  
“Oh my...”  
“Actually, I don’t think we’ll be needing this after all. Are you willing to pose shirtless?”   
It didn’t matter to him. “Ja, whatevers.” Janet flung the shirt carelessly toward the rack.

The women moved aside, talking softly. Toki stood waiting, having no real idea what was going on.  
They came back, and Tessa had a question. “Toki, are you comfortable with posing nude? You’re actually quite attractive, you don’t need clothes to enhance you.”  
“You wants me to takes all my clothes off?”  
“Yes please, if you would.” They looked hopeful.  
He wasn’t sure the world really needed to see his dick. “Okays, but can I keeps my guitar in fronts of me for the pictures?”  
“Yes, that would be fine!” They looked really happy now.

Leaning against the wall, Toki pulled his boots off, then his pants. The women were staring at him. “Okays, now what?”  
The photographer guy was flipping through the hanging cloth things, he stopped when he came to a dark one. The other girl (his assistant) placed a red light on the floor where it shone on the cloth, moving it until he was satisfied.  
Toki was guided to stand where they wanted him, and more adjustments were made.  
Then they positioned him how they wanted, moving his hands on his guitar.

Finally a large fan was turned on, making his hair blow back. Toki followed instructions, turning his head or changing position when directed, and mostly managing to do what was asked of him. The assistant was sent in once, when he was having trouble understanding exactly what was wanted, but overall he did well.  
Posing like this made him feel wanted, special. Sexy.  
And they’d wanted him, not Nathan or Skwisgaar!

****

Toki’s good mood lasted until he got home, the others had noticed he was gone and wanted an explanation. However, only Charles would admit to actually being worried by their missing guitarist.  
Seeing the guitar he was carrying, Murderface immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. “He’sch cheating on the band!”  
“No I’s not!” Oh shit, maybe he really was in trouble...  
Charles pointed to a seat. “Toki, sit down. I need to be informed when any of you leave the haus so that I can arrange for security. Now if you can tell us where you went?”

Toki dropped into the chair, slumping. It was amazing how fast they could ruin his good mood. It was supposed to be a secret... but he had to tell them. “I goes to take magazine pictures.”  
“Hey, you’re like, not allowed to just do shit like that!”  
“Calm down, Nathan. Now Toki, you are all a very valuable commodity and all appearances must be handled with care. How did they contact you?”  
“They just calls me! I didn’ts know I’s not supposed to does it!”  
“Well actually it’s in your contract, but it’s understandable that you may have missed that.”

In his contract? Did that mean he was fired? He waited.  
“I’ll handle it, just tell me what magazine it was for. You do know the name, don’t you?”  
“Playgirl.”  
 _That_ got a reaction, they all looked shocked now. Not some crappy little magazine, but _Playgirl_?  
Charles’ mouth was set in a hard line, this wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d hoped. “Very well, it seems I have a lot of work to do. We really need to hire more staff soon, that phone call should never have been given to you. In the future, hang up and let me know.” He left the room.

In the future... that meant he wasn’t fired? Hopefully?  
Skwisgaar was frwoning at him. “You wears dose sloppies clothes to a magazines? Pfft, dat’s goings to be some uglies pictures.”  
“Noes, I takes them off.”  
Pickles hooted. “Ya posed _naked_? Damn, Toki!”  
Suddenly, he’d had enough. “Ja, I does it naked! And you knows what? It was fun!” Leaving them with that, he went to his room.

****

A few days later, there was a band meeting. Charles patiently waited until they were mostly paying attention, then began. “Well, I managed to prevent those photos from being used in the issue, but it seems that one was leaked to the press. I’m still tying to discover who the culprit is, but the damage has been done.”  
He tossed a few magazines and supplementals on the table, all of them featuring the same shot of a very nude Toki.  
Embarrassed now, Toki covered his face as the others checked them out. Well, everyone but Murderface, that is.

They’d all seen each other naked before, it was impossible not to with how much time they all spent together. They’d even had sex in the same room, it was no big deal.  
But this was different, this was... Well, it was sexy. And it made them all a little uncomfortable.  
It clearly wasn’t going to go away, but they could at least try to ignore it, that’s what they would do.  
It was simpler to just pretend it had never happened.

And no, Toki wasn’t fired. In fact, Nathan wanted to have practice, since they’d missed so much time due to his inconvenient liver transplant.  
They’d all messed around in the new studio, but never more then two at a time. This was their first real practice in their new home, all together again.  
They hadn’t lost it, everyone had kept their edge. That was good, because they needed to do a tour soon, it had been put off long enough.

Charles came in to listen, and seemed pleased with what he heard.   
When they were done and sitting around having their typical post-rehearsal beers, he mentioned the potential tour. It seemed that Asia wasn’t a good location right now, but they could certainly do Europe if they wanted. Finally, he wound it up, “Do you all have any preferences?”  
Not realizing that he was supposed to act disinterested, Toki spoke up. “There’s this place where I lives before, lots of big bands wents through there.”

Charles nodded thoughtfully. “I can look into that if you’ll give me the information later. Does anyone have an objection to playing in Norway? It is the birthplace of black metal, after all.”  
Nathan opened another beer. “How many shows do we have to play?”  
“Hmm, well I think the least you could get away with would be about five. How does two or three here and two or three in Europe sound?”  
“They have to be brutal locations!”  
“Of course, Nathan. Do you have any in mind?”

He thought about it. “How about the Mojave Desert and... the Everglades? And um... I guess we can do Norway, I don’t care. And Germany! They had Hitler and he killed a whole bunch of people, that’s pretty brutal.”  
“Very well, but I need at least one more. Anybody?”  
Pickles raised his beer. “Romania. They’ve gat a lot of gymnasts, an’ ya kow what thet means.”  
“Schweet, let’ch go there!”  
Realizing that was all he was going to get, Charles gave in. “Fine, I’ll make the arrangements. Please practice a few more times before we leave.


	22. Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first stop on the tour isn’t really what they were expecting.

Now that the tour had been decided, things moved quickly.   
Charles had gotten the information from Toki about where in Norway he had in mind, and that had been booked with no problems. It was one of Nathan’s requests that was causing the trouble.  
He’d decided he wanted to play in an old German concentration camp, and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. The rest of them stayed out of it, just watching.

Charles knew he could usually get them to see it his way. “Nathan, it’s just in bad taste. Do you have an idea how many people died horribly there?”  
“I don’t care! That’s where we’re going to play! That one, I looked it up.... Pickles! What’s the name of that place I picked again?”  
“Dachau.”  
“Yeah! That one! Because it’s really fucking brutal!”

With a sigh, Charles looked at Skwisgaar and Toki. He seemed to be hoping the Europeans would side with him, but they just looked away. Toki didn’t really feel completely comfortable with the idea, those places were creepy, but wasn’t about to oppose Nathan.  
“Fine, I’ll arrange it. I hope you all don’t get run out of Germany for bad taste, corpse paint in a concentration camp...” Shaking his head in defeat, he went on his way. At least the other three locations had been nonspecific.

****

They had been practicing heavily, but that was over. It seemed that Nathan liked to take a week off before a tour so everyone would be rested and ready to go. Skwisgaar, of course, was still practicing all the time. That’s just what he did.  
The first stop would be the Mojave Desert. Toki had never been to a desert, and wondered if it would be all blowing sand like the ones on TV. He didn’t want to ask, it was probably a stupid question and he’d find out soon enough.

Their special helicopter was ready, and they would be using it the first time for this tour. However, it was still offsite and they wouldn’t see it until it was time to leave. It was supposed to be really fancy though.  
Toki was extremely restless waiting around, he probably would have been better off if they’d kept practicing. Of course he could practice on his own or with Skwisgaar, but that just wasn’t the same level of distraction.

Charles had announced that they would be touring with the roadies from the last tour, he was holding off on a mass hiring until they returned. Something about an agreement with the doctor...   
They were all nodding, so Toki assumed this was yet another one of those things they’d all planned together without him. Hiring people sounded pretty simple, so he must be missing something. He felt like he was missing something quite a lot of the time, hopefully that would get better when he had been one of them longer.

Finally, they were leaving in the morning. Apparently they needed to arrive early so their crew could get everything all set up and ready.  
Too excited to sleep, Toki had prowled the haus all night, watching from various windows as employees loaded the giant helicopter. He wished somebody was up to keep him company, but they’d all gone to bed like this was nothing. Maybe to them, it was?

As a result, by the time they were all onboard the next morning, he couldn’t manage anything but a quick look around before falling asleep in one of the chairs.  
He didn’t wake up until they had landed, effectively missing the entire flight. Sitting up in confusion, he fished an ice cube out of his shirt.  
“Sahrry, I missed!” Pickles and Murderface were playing some sort of game, throwing ice at a bucket. One had accidently ricocheted and gone down Toki’s shirt.

They were in the desert! He went to the window where Nathan was standing with Charles.   
It was horribly bright outside, making him squint. No, it wasn’t all blowing sand, in fact it didn’t look very sandy at all. This was confusing.  
Apparently Nathan was confused as well. “Are you sure we’re in the right place? Because this doesn’t look like a desert.”  
Murderface had abandoned the ice game, which probably meant he’d been losing. “Truscht me, it’sch a deschert.”

Nathan opened the window, letting in an oppressing ball of heat. They all recoiled except for Murderface, who just looked smug.  
Nathan slammed the window shut before any more of their cool air could escape. He looked incredulous. “It must be 150 degrees out there! This sucks!”  
Charles sighed. “It’s not even 130, Nathan, and it will cool off some in time for the show.”  
“Huh.” 130 was still really fucking hot. “It better.”

Toki was less than impressed, so far.  
The desert was hot and boring. There weren’t even any really cool cactus like he’d been expecting, and what plants there were had a sad, washed-out look. Almost like they’d tried to be green and failed. The land shimmered in the distance, that was neat but a little scary.  
People actually _lived_ out here? How did they not go crazy?

He sat by the window, watching the gears slowly cooking under the brutal sun as they set up the stage. The others didn’t seem to care at all, they had gone back to relaxing. Well, Nathan and Pickles were drinking, Murderface was watching TV. Skwisgaar was practicing his guitar, having shown no interest at all in the landscape outside.  
As Toki watched, one of the gears kneeled over and was removed by two others. “Heys, I think one of our guys just dies.”  
“Huh, brutal. I’ll like, drink a beer for him.” That was all the reaction he got.

The sky began to cloud over, which probably saved the lives of many stagehands.  
Charles was looking out the window worriedly. “There was no rain forecast, I hope this isn’t going to be a problem.”  
“Dude, don’t worry ‘bout it. It doesn’t rain in tha desert, ya know.”  
“Actually, it doesch.”  
“Whatter ya, an expert on deserts?”  
“Yesch.”

Fans began to gather, even though it was far too early. As the hours passed many were felled by the heat, but more took their places so the number stayed nearly the same. If not for the cloud cover, the death toll would have surely been far higher.  
As show time approached, they began to arrive in droves. Toki watched them from his window. He’d played for larger crowds (so far, they were still coming) but not as the main attraction. This made him a little nervous, even though he knew that nobody would really be focusing on him. He was just the new guy, the replacement.

****

As promised, the temperature had dropped with the sun. Although still hot, it was easily bearable now.  
They put on their paint, helping each other. Nathan wasn’t painting his arms as high as usual, so Pickles offered, “Lemme git thet fer ya.”  
“No. I’m like, trying something different. I didn’t cut up my new shirts.” That got everyone’s attention. “Look, you and Skwisgaar have light pit hair. Mine’s black, it doesn’t paint well. So I just thought I’d, you know, try wearing sleeves.” He shrugged.  
They finished painting and all put on their black shirts.

Murderface chose that moment to throw in a last minute request. “Can I do a cock schlap scholo?”  
“No! You’d probably just play two notes and then piss on the audience like you did last year when you talked me into that!”  
“I had schtage fright! I’ve been practiching all the time, I’m a lot better now!”  
“Dude, how do ya practice naught havin’ stage fright?”  
“I do it in front of mirrirsch! Jeezch!”

Toki found this funny. ”Can I has a solo if I promises not to piss on the audience?”  
“Uh, that’s up to Skwisgaar. But, you know, I wouldn’t really count on it.”  
Murderface gave it one more try, “Come on, Nathan, juscht let me-“  
“I said NO!” Giving up, Murderface sulked off, and Nathan turned to Toki. “You’re not gonna freeze up out there, are you?”  
“I don’ts think so.” He was nervous, but thought he had it under control.

With Charles and a couple security people, they moved to the stage. It was all dark as they took their places.  
Toki put on his guitar. His first time on stage with a band he was really part of...  
He could make out the silhouettes of Nathan and Skwisgaar, but Pickles was behind him and Murderface faded into the speakers.  
Suddenly a spot lit Nathan and the crowd roared. The show was starting.

Nathan wasn’t one to greet the crowd or to even introduce his band. They were fucking _Dethklok_ , everybody knew them already.  
More lights came on, illuminating the rest of the stage, and they jumped right into the first song. Caught a little off guard by the suddenness of it, Toki missed the first couple notes but found his place quickly. He stayed near Skwisgaar, trying to mimic his moves.  
In the studio Skwisgaar never moved at all, but he came alive on stage, putting on quite a show. He was predictable though, it made him easy to follow.

Toki wasn’t nervous anymore, he was on top of the world. This was where he was meant to be, what he had been born for. The music and the spotlight, it made him feel more alive than ever before.  
They were working through the set and he hadn’t missed another start, he was pretty proud of that.  
Absorbed in his music, he didn’t realize at first that the flashes he was seeing weren’t stage lighting but actual lightning. As he watched, a huge burst came down into the audience and the speakers died with a hum as the power was shut down.

In the silence, Nathan turned, seeking the guilty party.  
One of the stagehands approached. “I’m sorry My Lord, but the weather is becoming too dangerous to continue. We need to get all of you off stage and somewhere safe.  
“NOOOO!” Even without application, his voice was still very powerful. “TURN IT BACK ON! OR I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”  
The gear nodded, obeyed, and backed away. After all, he was merely an employee.

The concert went on, and the last two songs played within an extremely brutal natural light show.  
Toki was trying not to freak out now as the lightning struck all around them, dancing through the packed crowd. It was almost as if their music had called the storm...  
But that was silly, of course.  
Fingers flying over metal strings, he wondered if it hurt to be hit by lightning, or if it just killed you.

Finally it was over, somehow they had survived. The stage had never been touched.  
Sadly, the same couldn’t be said for a portion of their audience, bodies littered the ground.  
Skwisgaar seemed to be seeing the devastation for the first time, which was entirely possible since he often played with his eyes closed. “Well dis ams certainlies a new one.”  
They allowed themselves to be herded offstage, although the light show seemed to be already lessening.   
There was a car waiting, and they all climbed in.

They were taken straight to the hotel, staying the night in a hotel with fan girls had been one of Nathan’s requirements for each show. A large mass of females were already assembled, hoping to be chosen.  
Murderface tapped Toki’s shoulder. “You wanna schare a room with me again?”  
“Okays.” The remains of his corpse paint itched, and he was tired. Still, this had been really exciting, and scary.  
But it wasn’t over yet. At least he knew what to expect.

Charles handed them all sharpies. “Sign as much as you want, but don’t let them pull you into the crowd.  
Toki hung back a little, this was new and he wasn’t sure how it worked. Nathan and Skwisgaar had moved out in front, one on each side. They were signing papers, CDs, and... Oh wowie, girl’s boobies! You really _could_ sign anything! He moved into their range, noticing for the first time that they were calling his name.

They pushed and shoved, trying to reach him, yelling that they loved him. He signed whatever he was presented with, which was mostly tits and an embarrassingly large number of prints from that magazine shoot.  
They others were getting ahead of him, and there was no way he could ever sign as much stuff as they wanted him to. He signed one last set of tits, then tucked his sharpie into her cleavage and hurried to catch up.  
A riot broke out over the sharpie.

****

After quickly picking the lucky ladies who would be their company that night, they were all in the rooms. The girls had been made to sign some papers, Toki had no idea what those were but didn’t really care either. He’d picked a girl with big tits, after signing so many of them he wanted some he could actually play with.  
They all drank, celebrating, and clothes disappeared.  
Toki was surprised when Skwisgaar’s girl pointed at him. “I call Toki next!”  
“Pfft whatervers, shuts up and sucks mine dick.” Skwisgaar pushed her back down.

They had gotten one large room this time instead of two smaller ones, so the trading of the women went much more smoothly.  
Pickles had laid out some coke on one of the night stands, and Toki learned that coked up chicks were very enthusiastic sex partners. He didn’t do any of it himself, he felt high enough just from playing the show. And they wanted _him_.  
He was tired but he didn’t care, he’d just sleep on the way to the next stop.


	23. Florida

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hurricane threatens their show, but they play anyway.  
> Warnings: Hurricane Jesus. Yeah I went there, sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live on the Gulf Coast, I know how hurricanes work. If you don’t, and want to understand the rating system, here’s a [chart](http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/sshws_table.shtml).

The next morning, they were retrieved from the hotel and herded back onto the helicopter. They’d all showered there at some point during the night, so at least they were clean. So were the girls who had stayed with them, a little group showering had gone on.  
Charles didn’t look pleased, but he didn’t look surprised either. “I suppose you’ve all had no sleep?”  
“Uh, no? We were kinda busy.”  
“Well before you all pass out, a problem has come up. It seems that a hurricane has turned suddenly toward the southern Florida coast, and it’s been requested that the concert be cancelled as to not interfere with the evacuation.”

Toki had no idea what a hurricane was, but evacuation didn’t sound like a good thing.  
Nathan just glared down at Charles, who didn’t look at all intimidated. “NO!!! Hurricanes are like, NOTHING! I’ve been through a whole lot of them when I was a kid!”  
“Nathan, I assure you that a hurricane is a serious matter, they’re predicting it to rapidly strengthen to a category 4 by landfall.”  
“And when is that?”  
“Sometime tomorrow, unless things change.”

Nathan began to pace, muttering to himself. “Twelve hours... usually starts getting bad... evacuation... yeah, surfing, surfing’s cool... ummm...”  
Charles interrupted his... thought process? “Nathan!”  
“Oh! Uh, we’re playing, there’s enough time! Let’s go!”  
“Fine, you’re the boss. I suggest you all get some sleep while you can.” He left them, and they all went to their little rooms to sleep.

Toki had been unaware of these, or he wouldn’t have slept in a chair the whole way there.  
It was a small room, clearly meant for no more than sleeping. Just a narrow bed, a built-in cabinet, and a tiny window with a shade like on an airplane.  
The bed was pretty comfortable, but he was so tired that it wouldn’t have mattered if it was as hard as a rock. Someone would wake him up, whenever.  
He curled up and fell right asleep.

****

“Toki, it’s time to wake up.” Charles was shaking him gently.  
They were here! He got up and looked out his window. It looked like they were in a swamp. Or a forest, or a swampy forest...  
He left his room to get a better look.   
Murderface and Skwisgaar were already out there, looking a little worried. “Nathan’sch crazy.”  
“Ja, probablies.” Skwisgaar shrugged. “Toki, does you knows anyting abouts dis hurricanes?”  
“Noes.”  
It wasn’t long before the others joined them.

Charles approached them. “Skwisgaar, your guitar’s already been waterproofed, correct?”  
“Ja. It mights need to be redoes though.”  
“Very well. Toki, Murderface, I need your guitars, we’ll treat them all together.”  
What were they going to do to his guitar?! “Whys?”  
"They need to be waterproofed so they’re not damaged tonight, it’s certain to be raining by then. Skwisgaar’s has been done before, it doesn’t hurt them at all.”

Oh, well if Skwisgaar was okay with it... He was still a bit unsure but nodded anyway.  
“Doesch thisch mean I can pissch on it and it will be fine?”  
“Yes, yes it does. However I ask that you please try to resist doing that.”  
“You’re no fun.”  
“Murderface! No pissing on your bass!” Nathan looked out the window, a gust blew the trees. "THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUCKING BRUTAL!”

One of their employees came in. “We have a problem. We can’t set up the stage, it’s too swampy and the supports won’t quit sinking. We’ll have to place the platform directly on the ground.”  
“What about the crowd?”  
“Well, there’s this small island, we can set them up there and nobody will be able to reach them. The waters are heavily infested with alligators.”  
Charles nodded. “Do that then. You are dismissed.” No platform to keep them high above the crowd, and approaching hurricane, alligators... 

****

Outside, the rain had started, driving against their helicopter.  
Toki had been given his guitar back, and was relieved that it seemed exactly the same as before.  
Nathan stood up and started pacing. “You guys! I just realized we can’t wear paint!”  
Everyone looked like this was truly shocking news. Toki didn’t care, he’d only played with it once, it didn’t matter to him. Surely they’d all played without it at some point?  
Well, it would just wash off if they tried to use it.

“Toki, comes wit me, brings yous guitar. I gots to talks to yous.” Skwisgaar looked serious.  
He got up and followed, to Skwisgaar’s room which was pretty much just like his. Different colored sheets, that was about it. Skwisgaar sat on the bed, and motioned for him to do the same. “Has you ever plays in de rains before?” He reached for something.  
“Noes.”  
“Dat’s what I thought. Now don’ts freak out!” He had a pillow case, he pulled it over Toki’s head.

What the fuck?! Toki didn’t like having his head covered like this, what was Skwisgaar going to do? He couldn’t see! He didn’t take it off though, waiting.  
The bed shifted and Skwisgaar moved. “You ams not going to be ables to see anytings, de rain will blinds you. I needs to know if you can plays without lookings. You knows de set, shows me de firsts song.”  
Oh, that made sense. Of course he’d played without looking before, but not being able to look if he needed to? He wasn’t so sure. Toki tried, his hand fumbling up the neck of his guitar, panic rising as he couldn’t even find where to start.

Suddenly a hand closed over his, stopping him. “Okays, you gots to relax. Calms down, feels de guitar. You knows where de notes are, you’s done it thousands of times. Jus feels it.” Skwisgaar began playing his own guitar, giving him something to focus on.  
Toki’s hand crept back up the neck. It _felt_ right, but what if he was wrong? Even one fret off would be disaster. How ironic, he’d been fine on stage last night only to freeze up now.  
Skwisgaar played on, waiting. 

After what felt like way too long, Toki finally played. He’d been right after all, maybe he really could do this! He really fucking hoped he could anyway.  
Skwisgaar changed songs, guiding him through another, then stopped. “Ja, you ams goings to be okays, jus remembers to relax.” The pillowcase was removed, and they went back out to rejoin the others.  
Murderface looked at Toki’s mussed hair. “Did he give you the pillowcasche treatment?”  
“Yeah.” Well, at least he wasn’t the only one.

Someone had turned on the TV, they were giving an update on the storm. Curious, Toki listened. Hurricane Hey Zeus was coming at them? And it was 120 miles an hour?! They showed a picture, that thing was fucking huge!  
Then they put the name on the screen. “Heys! Whys they call it Hey Zeus and then puts Jesus up there?”  
Nathan laughed. “That’s how you pronounce it, it’s just you know, a Mexican name. They spell it like Jesus but say it like Hey Seuss.”  
Toki turned away and went to his room.

His parents, everything he’d tried to forget... it all came flooding back. They had said that the Devil would get him, and many would say that had already happened. And now Jesus was coming for him, not to save him but to erase him.  
His band... they were all in danger now... it was all his fault.  
They’d warned him so many times, he was foolish to think he could run away from it. To... hide from God.  
They would all die in the show tonight, and he was to blame.

Nathan came in. “Hey. What the fuck is your problem, we have to get ready now.”  
“He’s comings for me just like they says! I’s sorries! I don’ts want you all to dies!”  
“Whoa, what?” Nathan we frowning at him. “Are you like, scared of the hurricane? It’s no big deal, we’ll be gone before it ever gets bad!”  
Toki shook his head. “You don’ts understand! It’s alls my fault!” Hurricane Jesus, no matter how Nathan said it was pronounced the name was the same.  
“JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE READY TO PLAY!”

Pickles appeared in the doorway. “Dude, maybe try _naught_ yellin’ at ‘im?”  
“Fine Pickles, you deal with him! But he better fucking play!” Nathan left the room and Pickles sat on the bed.  
“Pickle? I’s sorries.”  
“Look, I don’t know what’s goin’ through yer head, but ya gatta pull it together here. We can’t play withoutcha, ya know.”

Oh right... they _couldn’t_ play without him. Sometimes he forgot that.  
If Hurricane Jesus was going to take him out, take all of them out, they might as well go down playing. If this was his destiny, then he couldn’t run from it anyway.  
He took a deep breath, calming down. “Okays, Pickle.”  
“Good! Now cahm’on, we gatta git over ta tha island thing where they set up.” Pickles patted him on the shoulder, and walked out.  
Toki changed his shirt and followed.

Charles had been watching the news, the latest hurricane update had just come in. “Okay guys, listen up! Hurricane Jesus has strengthened to just under a category four, and they’re predicting landfall in about six hours. We’re far enough inland that it will take longer to reach us, so we should be able to get out in time. However, this is a very large storm and we’ve been experiencing rain bands all day. You’re going to be playing in tropical storm force conditions out there, driving rain, low visibility, and sustained winds. I hope you’re ready.”  
Nathan actually looked _excited_ by this news. "This is gonna be great!”  
They went out into the wind and rain.

A barge type boat was waiting to take them to the island. There were lots of... things in the water.  
“DON’T TOUCH THE WATER!” Nathan didn’t really _need_ to yell, but was doing it anyway. “THE ALLIGATORS WILL EAT YOU!”  
Oh, those things were the alligators? Toki certainly wasn’t going to try to get a closer look after that announcement!  
They reached the island and climbed off quickly. Instead of their usual stage, they were faced with playing on the ground. Oh right, one of their guys had mentioned that earlier...

Despite the mandatory evacuation orders for the entire area, there was a very large crowd. Nathan took the mic. “THE GOVERNOR OF FLORIDA WANTED ME TO TELL YOU ALL THAT YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE! BECAUSE OF THE HURRICANE!”  
“Die for Dethklok! Whoo hoo!” The crowd took it up as a chant, “Die for Dethklok! Die for Dethklok! Die for Dethklok...”  
Nathan nodded for them to start playing, and the music rose up and drowned them out.

Skwisgaar hadn’t been completely right, Toki could see. It wasn’t easy, and the rain ran in his eyes and stung a bit, but he could see if he needed to.   
Skwisgaar and Murderface had their eyes closed, choosing to play blind. Pickles, he couldn’t see without turning. Nathan had turned to survey them once, and his eyes had been open, as if the water didn’t bother him at all.  
Halfway through the second song, Toki gave up the fight and closed his eyes. He could peek if he really needed to, that was all that mattered. They played as the storm raged around them, not strong yet but moving in.

It wasn’t just the wind and their guitars screaming, something was wrong. Toki opened his eyes.  
With no barrier to hold them back, the crowd had pushed forward, partially into the water. The alligators had attacked, tearing into people helpless to retreat, blocked by a wall of flesh. Blood flowed, staining the water all around them, all around the island. Playing in a lake of blood.  
It was too much.  
Toki closed his eyes again, throwing himself into the music. He was still half convinced that they were all going to die.

How was he supposed to move with Skwisgaar if he couldn’t watch him?!  
Fuck it, nobody could probably see any better than he could. Toki flung his wet hair, whipping it around. Might as well go down fighting. What trees there were bent and flailed with the gusts, headbanging in their own way.  
This was possibly the most brutal concert ever.

There was a pause, and Toki opened his eyes, squinting into the rain.  
A roadie had come on stage and was saying something to Nathan, who was nodding. The man left, and Nathan addressed the crowd again. “OKAY! WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO CUT IT SHORT TONIGHT, THE STORM’S PICKED UP SPEED! ONE MORE SONG! PICKLES?”  
Pickles didn’t even bother trying to answer, he just started playing.   
This wasn’t the next song! In his confusion, Toki missed the opening. They could have told him that one more meant skipping to the end of the set list!

He caught his place and joined the playing, hopefully no one had noticed his mistake.  
The winds had increased, battering at them as they forged through the final song. Possibly the last song they would ever play, how could the helicopter take off in these conditions?  
Pushing all thought from his mind, Toki played as if the music was the only thing standing between them and total annihilation.  
But then the song was over.

Crew swarmed the stage, breaking down the set at a record speed. They were on the first barge back, and watched from relative safety as everything was loaded.  
Charles gave them the latest report. “Well, Hurricane Jesus has strengthened as forecast, it is indeed a category 4 and has picked up speed. Landfall will be sooner than we thought, so we’re leaving just as soon as we get loaded. I need you all to strap yourselves into the seats, it’s going to be rough until we get above the cloud cover.” He motioned to some smaller, airline type seats that Toki hadn’t really paid any attention to before. They had seat belts.

“Wait! What about our night in the hotel?!”  
“Nathan, the hotel’s closed! Everyone has been evacuated, and we need to leave right now!”  
“Can we... Let’s get some chick from outside and take them with us then!”   
“No, I’m sorry. We’re headed to Europe, you can make up for it there.” Charles was giving them that look, the one which meant ‘shut up because you won’t win this one.’ “Okay, we’re all loaded. Strap in please.” He sat in one of the seats, doing his belt and looking at them expectantly.

They sat, Toki taking the window seat and wondering if maybe that was a bad idea. The helicopter trembled as the stronger gusts hit it.  
They didn’t lift off as much as lurch sideways, the winds batting them around like a toy as they left the ground, titling them.  
Toki hung on to his seat rests, glad to be strapped down. He watched out the window, afraid to look but unable to look away. The ground came back in view as the helicopter swayed, they were higher than he’d realized. Suddenly everything greyed out, he couldn’t see anymore.

And then they broke through the clouds and their craft stabilized. It was okay to get up now?  
Cautiously, they all got out of their seats. Nathan went straight to a window, so Toki joined him. The wall of clouds below then was highly visible in the moonlight.  
Nathan pointed to a dark hole off to their right. “Eye of the hurricane, that’s the fucking eye right there, Toki. Brutal.” He sighed. “Well, show’s over. I’m going to sleep now.”  
Toki went to his own room, the tension of the night had worn him out. But he was still alive, still here in Dethklok. It was almost like they were invincible or something...  
Exhausted, he fell asleep.


	24. Europe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki checks out the Dethcopter, and they play in Romania. And then play with some contortionists.  
> Warnings: Porn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, they don’t have numbered gears yet. We’ll get to that part soon.

Toki woke up and looked out his window. There was nothing at all to see but ocean, boring.  
He got dressed, having no idea if this thing had showers but assuming he was clean enough from the rainstorm the night before.  
Besides, between being asleep and fearing annihilation, he hadn’t really gotten a chance to check this thing out yet. It was huge, there had to be lots to see.  
Also, he was hungry.

Nathan and Murderface were in the main room (as he’d come to think of it), the area with the chairs, bolted down couches, and the TV. Nathan was eating nachos for breakfast, with beer. They looked pretty good. “Heys, can I has some of those?”  
“No! Make that guy bring you some, that’s what he does.”  
“Whats guy?” It hadn’t occurred to him yet to wonder where the food was coming from, and why they didn’t have to make it themselves.

“The food guy!” He turned toward a hallway. “Hey Jeeves! Toki wants nachos!”  
“Okay!” The reply came from down the hall.  
Charles was sitting in a corner, Toki didn’t notice him until he spoke. “Nathan, stop calling the poor man Jeeves. He has a name.”  
“I know, I named him Jeeves! So that’s his name now!”  
Jeeves came in and placed some nachos in front of Toki. He looked more like a roadie than a chef, he was really big.

He made good nachos though. “So we has a chef nows?”  
“He’sch juscht temporary, until we get a real one. But he doesch what we tell him to!” Murderface looked happy to be able to order someone around, even if it was only because he was too lazy to get his own beer.  
Toki ate his nachos, choosing to get a drink from the little fridge in there rather than order that guy to get it. He just wasn’t comfortable with that, it felt weird to him.

Nathan turned on the TV, trying to find a channel that would come in, in the middle of the ocean.  
Toki wanted to explore. “Cans I look arounds? Is there any rules or anythings?”  
“Yeah. Don’t kill the pilots, that’s the only fucking rule. Have fun.” He finally found a channel, but it wasn’t in English. Nathan glared at the TV, as if that would make a difference. Giving up, he started trying to catch another channel.  
Toki left the room.

Where to start? He knew there was at least one level below this one, and more above it. There was a stairwell and an elevator. He picked the stairs, and went all the way down.  
He found himself in a huge open space. Even with all their equipment tucked away along the sides and the whole stage assembly in there, it still looked empty. What would they ever carry that would need so much space? There were no windows on this level and there wasn’t much to see, so he got bored fast.  
Upstairs should be more entertaining.

Toki went all the way to the top this time, counting stairwells. There were six floors in this thing?! He knew it was huge, but he hadn’t realized exactly _how_ huge.  
The top floor was the cockpit. Don’t kill the pilots... he wasn’t even going to talk to the pilots! Retreating through the doorway, he dropped down to the next level. This one opened into a long hallway with lots of doors. Curious, he headed down it. The lights were dim and this area looked deserted. It was kind of spooky.

There were several other hallways branching off the main one, all lined with more doors.  
Toki tried a few door here and there, they were unlocked and opened to small bunk rooms. All the beds he checked were just bare mattresses. This must be staff quarters, except they didn’t have enough staff to need this part yet. He wondered briefly if Charles slept up here, but he probably stayed with them like in the haus.  
Not wanting to get lost, Toki backtracked until he found the stairwell again, and went down to the next level.

There were more bunk rooms, and a very large bathroom lined with showerheads all around the walls. Okay, so they _did_ have showers, good to know.  
The next room was again quite large, filled with toilets and sinks. There weren’t even any dividers, just lines of toilets! At least the bathroom on his floor had regular toilet stalls. They probably had regular showers too, he’s have to look for them.  
There were places with chairs, a smaller TV... it looked like an employee lounge area. A couple of their roadies were relaxing there, he didn’t want to bother them. This floor was clearly in use.

The next floor down was where he’d started, he’d save it for last. There had been one more, in between here and the bottom...  
It looked like a big meeting room or something. Huge, and filled with rows of benches. Toki couldn’t even imagine having enough employees to fill them all. How many people did they really need anyway? They had maybe a hundred or so altogether right now, and that seemed to be plenty.  
There seemed to be some small side rooms, they were probably boring but he went to look anyway.

Guns! There were all kinds of guns in this room, and spaces for even more!  
The next room held even more weapons, all kinds. Wow! Nobody better fuck with them!  
Toki had never played with guns, but he found them fascinating. He wanted to take a few down and try them out, but that was most likely a really bad idea so he left them wistfully.  
Sometime after they got home, he was going to shoot some guns! They had to let him, he was the boss! Well, one of the bosses, right?

Going back up to his own floor (well, _their_ floor), Toki continued his exploring. Skwisgaar and Pickles were up now (he’d been gone quite a while), but he didn’t pay much attention to them.  
The kitchen was easy to find, that was good. There had probably been another one on the floor above, he really hadn’t searched very well. Well, now he knew where the food was if he ever wanted to come get something.  
There were more bunk rooms, but they might be occupied so he didn’t open any doors. Those all looked the same though, it was a different door type than the others.

There was still nothing to see out the windows.  
Nathan still hadn’t found anything worth watching on TV.  
They were stuck in this helicopter and it was actually pretty boring. Hey, it needed a name! They should name it. “Hey, I wants to names this thing... um... Big Flyings Death!”  
Pickles laughed. “Eh, Toki? It’s tha Dethcopter, been thet all along.”  
“Oh.” Well it sucked that he didn’t get to name it, but that was a pretty cool name. He was bored, there was nothing to do!  
Might as well drink.

****

That night, Toki found out that they had a hot tub room he’d missed. Instead of a just normal hot tub set in the floor, the entire room around it was covered in that material. Even the door was backed with it, and had a rubber seal. That made sense, the water needed to stay in the room when things got rough.  
There was a TV in there, probably treated the same way their guitars had been, but they still weren’t picking up any channels they could understand.

Skwisgaar brought his guitar in with him. Apparently with it’s latest waterproofing treatment, he saw no need to take it off.  
Even though the rain hadn’t hurt it, Toki wouldn’t dare to soak his like that. He didn’t trust the waterproofing that much even if Skwisgaar did.  
They all soaked and drank, just passing the time and waiting for the next show.  
It was a pretty good life.

****

Eventually they landed in some desolate corner of Romania, it seemed that Charles had picked the least populated area he could find. The stage was being assembled against a backdrop of mountains. The landscape was rather beautiful, although not very brutal.  
Jeeves brought them all food. He only seemed to make the sort of things they’d make for themselves, but at least they didn’t have to make it anymore. That was nice. Toki had still not learned the man’s real name, but everybody called him Jeeves, so he did too.

The hours until show time crawled by, the sun dropped lower and the crowd began to gather.  
So far, there was no sign of rain, lightning, or any sort of bad weather. Toki kept checking the sky, the first two shows had made him a bit paranoid. He noticed that Charles was also checking repeatedly.  
Pickles noticed, and offered them both a joint he was smoking. Charles declined, but Toki took a couple hits. He didn’t want to get too high, he wasn’t used to playing that way. A little bit was helpful though.

Show time came, and the sky was still clear. The crowd looked smaller than the last times, but maybe it was because everything was so open here. But the Mojave had been open too...  
Who knows, maybe these people weren’t big metal fans? But Pickles had told them how they could twist themselves up, which should make for a fun night ahead. It had been really funny watching him try to demonstrate, he couldn’t do anything he was trying to describe. It sounded like fun though, with chicks.

This crowd was oddly quiet as they took the stage, watching them.  
They started playing, and Toki was proud of himself for hitting the timing perfectly. Back in Europe, after all these years. And playing in Dethklok...   
He’d never dreamed this big, never dared. All he’d wanted was a band he could call his own, and now found himself on an elevator to the top. Dethklok probably wasn’t the biggest yet, but they were easily in the top five. It was only a matter of time before all the others were left far behind.

They played on, under a starlit sky. It was a beautiful night.  
Toki was beginning to wonder if they were doing something wrong. Where was the death and destruction? Maybe it hadn’t been able to follow them across the ocean? Maybe they had merely outrun it, and it would catch up to them soon?  
Maybe it had all just been nothing more than a coincidence.

****

The finished the set with no disasters, even Nathan was glancing around in confusion now.  
Nobody yelled for an encore so they didn’t play one, just headed for the waiting vehicle. Time to go to the hotel and fuck twisty chicks!  
The limo-type car they were riding in had a fully stocked bar in it. Well, it started that way, but by the time they arrived at the hotel it was mostly empty. It wasn’t their fault it was a bit of a long drive! What were they supposed to do, _not_ drink? Yeah, right.  
The hotel wasn’t large or all that impressive, but it would do. There probably wasn’t another for miles. Girls were waiting.

Nathan addressed the crowd. “We want like, really flexible chicks! We want you to tie yourself in knots and let us fuck you! We don’t care if you’re a real gymnast, as long as you’re really bendy!”  
There was no shortage of volunteers to choose from, they made their selections and (after the usual paperwork) went up to the room.   
It was a strange room, large and filled with beds. Some sort of group bunk room. Charles must have chosen it knowing that they liked to stick together. After all, nobody wanted to have to get up and walk next door to change chicks!

There was the usual supply of condoms and booze, but this time they didn’t jump right to the fucking. The girls stood waiting, not sure what to do.  
This had been Pickles’ idea, he stepped up. “Okie, show us what kinda twisty shit ya can do.”  
One spoke up, “You want us does it no clothes?”   
Oh good, they did know some English. “Yeah, no clothes is good, take ‘em aff!”   
The girls stripped quickly, then all began stretching. Toki had never seen anyone stretch before sex, and wondered just what he was in for here.

Warmed up, they started bending. One held herself on her hands, then bent until her ass was practically sitting on the back of her head. Cool, but not exactly fuckable.  
The others did splits and things of that sort, showing their range of motion.  
Pickles undressed and retrieved his girl, leading her to a bed. “Can ya lawk yer ankles up behind yer head?” No she couldn’t quite manage that, but she did the next best thing. “Oh hell yeah, thet werks.” After a little fondling he started fucking her.

Skwisgaar and Murderface had already pulled theirs to beds, but Toki was watching. So was Nathan. “Wow, it’s like if you were fucking a chick with no legs, or if you cut off her legs! That would be brutal! Not that I wanna cut up chicks, I didn’t mean it like that!” He grabbed his girl, who looked really nervous now. “It’s cool, I’m not gonna cut off your legs!”  
Toki reached for his own pick, a little unsure just what to do with her. With all the possibilities, how could he even decide where to start?

Grabbing a handful of condoms and a bottle of alcohol, he led her to a bed. Some of the others (usually Skwisgaar and Pickles) didn’t bother with the condoms, but Toki liked to use them if they were there. Even if it didn’t matter, he really didn’t want a kid. Also, when they were passing chicks around like this... he didn’t really want to stick his bare dick into a mess that a bandmate left behind.  
She was looking at him questioningly. “What I do?”  
He took a drink, considering his options. Anything...

Toki sat on the bed, leaning against the wall. “Gets on me.” She moved to comply, and he corrected her. “Noes, face the other ways.”  
She nodded and turned to face his feet. Toki put on a condom and took another drink. She looked back, and he nodded. Taking his cock in her hand, she guided him in and sunk down until she was sitting on his hips. She started to ride him, but that wasn’t quite what he wanted. He grabbed her by the hair, pulling her head back.

She automatically tried to flinch away, so he lightened the pressure. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, just to guide her, tugging more gently now.  
Catching on, she bent her back, arching until she could see him upside-down.  
That’s what he wanted. Toki took her head in both hands and kissed her, he liked kissing. Kissing an upside-down chick who was currently impaled in his dick was just extra cool.  
It was hard for either of them to move well in this position, but it seemed like it would be enough to get the job done.

Toki released her head with one hand. But moved the other back to her hair so she couldn’t straighten up. He took a drink, then another mouthful that he didn’t swallow. Lowering his mouth back to hers, he let her drink from his mouth. Finding that really cool, he did it again, then whispered in her ear, “Fucks me, use your legs.”  
She did, as awkward as it was while bent up like that. Toki kept one hand locked in her hair but put the other on her hip to help stabilize her as he rode him. 

He gave up on the kissing, getting too close to concentrate of too many things, but didn’t let go of her hair. In fact, he’d accidently bent her back even further. It was a good thing that she was so flexible!  
Now that they had a rhythm going, it didn’t take him too long to finish. There was no point drawing it out, he wanted to try some of the others and knew she did too.  
He kissed her again as he came, biting her lip a little in his haste, then finally released her hair.  
She straightened, then climbed off of him, rubbing her head.

Toki took another drink and waited to see who he’d get next. He’d lost track of who had been picked by who, and didn’t really care anyway.  
The next one came to him and he folded up like Pickles had, if he waited until he was drunker he probably wouldn’t be able to manage that. And he didn’t want to miss out, especially after Nathan’s ‘chick with no legs’ comment.

It _did_ feel different. Toki grabbed her ankles, pinning her legs to the bed on either side of her head while he fucked her hard.  
There was something about having her this way that was bringing out another side of him, a side he hadn’t been aware he even had. Folded up, helpless, and pinned, she could do nothing but take it as he drove into her. He felt powerful, dangerous. He wanted to bite her, draw blood and show his total dominance... but he restrained himself, not entirely comfortable with these feelings.

He took a break when they finished, drinking more but sharing it with the next chick who’d come to sit beside him. There was plenty of alcohol, after all.  
Then Toki lay back and put his arms behind his head. “Goes ahead, does whatever you wants.”  
She climbed on and rode him, not doing anything special. Maybe she was happy to get a break from being bent in half.  
He let her do all the work. That wasn’t nice but he felt like being selfish, it wasn’t like the girls actually cared about him anyway. It was all about Dethklok.

****

When Charles retrieved them in the morning, they were all completely worn out. “Did anyone sleep? No? Well you’d all better get some rest as soon as we get back to the Dethcopter.”  
They all staggered down the stairs and back into the car. Toki ended up sitting next to Pickles, who promptly passed out against his shoulder. He was so tired...  
Oh, what the hell. Toki leaned a little, using the top of Pickles’ head for a pillow (a really hard one) and dozed off himself.

A little while later, they were woken and herded back onto the helicopter. It looked like Nathan had fallen asleep on the ride too.  
Back inside, Toki went straight to his room. He needed a shower but it could wait, he was just too tired to do anything but sleep right now. Not even bothering to undress except for his boots, he crawled on the bed and sprawled out, on top of the blankets.  
This lifestyle might kill him someday, but he wouldn’t trade a minute of it.


	25. Germany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They play at Dachau, and some freaky stuff happens. Not the good kind of freaky either.  
> Warnings: Nazi themes, and Pickles is really high and being a completely insensitive bastard.

They got to Germany hours before the show.   
Nathan had decided that he wanted to go take a tour of Dachau, because they wouldn’t get a chance to look around later. And because it sounded really brutal, that’s why he’d picked it in the first place.  
Toki really didn’t want to go. He’d play there later if he had to, but he didn’t want to go walk through it at all. But if everybody else was going, he sort of had to go along, right?  
Charles was on the phone, making the arrangements.

Nathan and Murderface seemed really excited to be going, and Pickles at least seemed agreeable. Sometimes it was hard to tell with him.  
Charles hung up. “Okay guys, a car will pick you up in a few minutes. I’m sending a couple guards with you.”  
“I ams not goings.”  
They all looked at Skwisgaar in surprise. Nathan seemed confused. “Uh... why not?”  
“I comes from dis part of the worlds, I don’t wants to be going dere. Ja, I will play, but untils den...” He shrugged.

Well, if Skwisgaar wasn’t going... “I’s not goings either!”   
“OH COME ON!” Nathan wasn’t pleased, they should all go together!  
“Yeah ya douchebags, cahm’on! It’ll be fun! We’ll see Mickey!”  
Skwisgaar jumped to his feet, getting in their faces. “No! It will _nots_ be funs! Dat ams a really fucks up place, a _bads_ place!”  
It was a shocking reaction, Skwisgaar was usually so laid back. He turned and went back to his seat, picking up his guitar and playing furiously.

Charles was looking at Pickles closely. “Pickles, are you high?”  
“Dude, when am I _naught_ high? Don’t worry ‘bout me, I’ll be _fiiiine_.”  
“Yeah, he’ll be fine! Come on, Pickles.” Nathan was used to him being on whatever combination of drugs he could find, he always seemed to be okay.  
“We’re goin’ ta Disneyland!”  
“It’sch not Dischneyland, you asschole! Scho schome reschpect!”  
Nathan looked a little worried now, but herded Pickles along. The three Americans went out to meet their car.

After they were gone, Toki watched Skwisgaar, wondering why he was that upset. Yes, it was a bad place, he knew that. But they couldn’t be expected to feel it the same way, their history was different. It wasn’t like _their_ country had ever been occupied by Nazis, and his had. Way before his time, of course, but he’d known people who lived through it, heard their stories.  
Sweden had been neutral though, surely Skwisgaar knew that?

He dared ask. “Skwisgaar?”  
“Leaves me alone, Toki. I don’t wish to talks about it.”  
Toki didn’t push him, going over to sit by the window instead. Germany... Nadine had wanted to bring him here. Of course, then he’d found out she was a cheating whore and left her, so it hadn’t happened.  
He wondered if she was here again, somewhere? Or maybe her son, who he’d never even met? It didn’t matter, as long as she didn’t end up backstage or at the hotel after orgy.  
That would really suck.

Not that he was exactly fucking high class chicks these days, but they knew why they were there. They were just there to get fucked by a rock star, preferably more than one. Even Murderface got equal action despite his crudeness, they wanted the a full set.  
Actually, Murderface was one of the better ones, he always tried to make the girl enjoy it too. Toki knew he tended to be selfish and just use them, but they never complained.  
Why was he even thinking about this shit? He decided to take a fucking nap until the others got back.

****

It was Skwisgaar who woke him up, that was different. “Heys, wakes up.”  
“What’s you doings in here? Gets off my bed.”  
“Pfft, I ams just sittings here, yous really hard to wakes up.”  
Toki sat up. “So they’s back?”  
“Oh ja, and they ams all weirds now. And Pickle ams really, really highs.” He paused, looking concerned. “Toki... I tink someting bad ams goings to happen tonights.” 

He was awake now. “Whys? What, you’s psychic or somethings?”  
“No, nots as far as I knows. It ams jus dat place... It ams differents now, when we plays. You makes it differents, I don’ts know why.”  
The lightning, the hurricane... they were somehow his fault?! Toki was worried now! “Skwisgaar... what’s you mean? Tells me?”  
“You ams like... de last piece of de puzzles, de _right_ piece.”

“HEY! WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Nathan yelled in the general direction of Toki’s room.  
“I’S AWAKE!” He yelled toward the door, then turned back to Skwisgaar. “We gots to go?”  
Skwisgaar sighed. “Ja. Too lates to does anyting else. Goods ting I doesn’t believes in ghosts.”  
Toki didn’t know if he believed in them or not, having never met one. But Skwisgaar was right, they had no choice at this point. He grabbed a black shirt and went out to get painted.  
It would be okay. Creepy, but okay.

“Toki, dude, ya gatta see my picture! I rode _all_ tha rides!” Pickles shoved a Polaroid in Toki’s face.  
He looked at it, they turned to Nathan in confusion. Pickles, smiling in a cremation oven?! That was really messed up!  
“We tried to talk him out if it, he’s just really high! He wouldn’t listen! That place... It’s fucking creepy as hell!” Nathan ran a hand through his hair. “Skwisgaar, paint my face, he’s too fucked up to do it.”

Charles came in, and Pickles insisted on showing him the photo too.  
“Where did the camera come from?” A photo like that could have serious consequences for them all.  
Nathan took a minute to answer, he was being painted. “It’s was mine. I was thinking maybe some photos would make a good album cover, you know, like Dead? But I changed my mind as soon as we got there. He insisted I take his picture! But the guards waited at the gate, nobody saw him. I threw the fucking camera away after. And it’s a Polaroid, so there’s no negative.”  
“Very well. Pickles, may I have your picture? I’ll get it framed for you.” Pickles handed it over, and Charles pocketed it. “He’ll forget about it by the time he’s sober.”

Nathan was painted, and was watching Skwisgaar paint the others. “There were all these photos there, you know, from back then. Our history books, they don’t tell none of that shit! They make it sound like, you know, there was a war going on so America nuked Japan and did that D-Day thing, and it was all over! But _man_... those pictures...”  
“Ja, well we knows differents over heres.”  
Pickles was wandering aimlessly around the room, muttering. “...Disney world... full of douchebags...”

Murderface had a nor so secret obsession with all things war. “I tried to tell you, but nobody ever lischtensch to me! The Nazisch were really fucked up people!”  
“Oh god I know! Those pictures... And it doesn’t even make sense!”  
“What doeschen’t?”  
“It was a work camp! Those people were there to do work, only they starved them and shit! How were they supposed to work like that!” Nathan shook his head in confusion.

Since Pickles had managed to sit still long enough to be painted, Skwisgaar was now doing his own while the others pulled their shirts on.  
Nathan, still watching Pickles, muttered something only Toki was close enough to hear. “Gotta remember to have them turn his mic off...”  
Skwisgaar, done, put on his shirt and tucked it in.  
They were ready. Well, as ready as they could be anyway.

****

They walked in together, Toki had to force himself to pass through the gate. Skwisgaar’s face was set in an expressionless mask, betraying nothing.  
Nathan and Murderface looked uncomfortable, but they’d come too far to back out now.  
And Pickles was grinning, still high as a kite and as happy as... Well, as happy as a kid in Disneyland. Could he even play? They’d all seen Pickles play really fucked up, but it was still a concern.

Toki didn’t like it there at all! It seemed wrong that a place with this history should look so clean and well kept, that the blood had washed away long ago. There was just an unsettling energy about the place, and he didn’t think it was only because of the stuff Nathan and Skwisgaar had said to him earlier.  
This memorial should never have been made, the area should have been cleansed with fire and the ground salted so that no living thing could ever return here.  
It was a place heavy with death.

They took their placed on the stage, the crowd was large and waiting.  
What if it happened again here, the death and destruction of the first two shows? There couldn’t be a worse place for that!  
Their fans cheered, and the normally welcome sound gave Toki chills. It was just so wrong, here and now. He glanced at the others. Skwisgaar was still doing his emotionless thing, Murderface looked nervous. Nathan just looked resigned at this point.

And then Pickles started talking, they’d forgotten about turning off his mic. “Heeeey! I saw a sign thet said this country’s rally called Douche Land! Yer all douchebags!”  
Nathan groaned. “Oh fuck,Pickles! Shut up! HEY, SOMEBODY TURN OFF HIS MIC!”  
“Douchebags, douchebags douchebags!” Pickles was pointing wildly into the audience. “Douche-“  
The mic was shut off, stealing all his volume.  
Nathan turned and yelled at him. “PICKLES! PLAY!”

They began to play, the lights moving across that horrible memorial made the figures jump and crawl in a most unsettling manner.  
Toki noticed that Skwisgaar had closed his eyes, there was no rain but apparently just didn’t want to see. Good idea, Toki closed his too. He didn’t know what the others were doing, he just played. If he focused on their music hard enough, maybe the creepy crawly feeling would go away?  
No, not really, but it did make it easier to ignore.

At first, it seemed like everything would be okay. Nathan’s voice and their familiar music filled the air, surely driving away all else.  
Toki finally relaxed enough to open his eyes. There were-  
Vague shapes darted through the crowd, surely just a trick of the lighting? It was spooky though. He closed his eyes again before his mind could turn the things he saw into something they were not. Skwisgaar had said something bad might happen, it felt like he was right!  
He just wouldn’t look then, and kept his eyes completely closed through the next several songs.

They played on, Toki still mostly playing by feel but stealing occasional glances now.  
That feeling wasn’t going away, in fact it seemed to be getting even stronger.  
“Schit!” Murderface was close enough to be heard, making Toki finally open his eyes completely.  
Skwisgaar had stepped to the front to do his solo, and... misty shapes swirled around him. As he watched, they became more solid. They were ghosts!  
But why were they bothering Skwisgaar?  
Eyes still closed, fingers flying across the strings, Skwisgaar played on.  
The ghosts closed in, surrounding him and reaching out to him.

Toki tried to think... They were in Germany, so they were probably German ghosts, right? He remembered that Nadine had used a few words around the house, but he’d never really picked up the language. But now, when this needed to be stopped, he was fighting to remember anything at all.  
What was no, what was the word for no?!  
Nein? He was pretty sure anyway. Toki stepped forward and yelled at them, “NEIN!”  
They turned toward him, and Skwisgaar stopped playing, his eyes finally opening.

The shapes were becoming more visible, more detailed. They weren’t Nazi ghosts, they were the ghosts of prisoners! And Skwisgaar...  
With his blond hair, he could sort of pass for a Nazi!  
The crowd seemed to think this was all a part of the show, but Toki could see Nathan also watching in shock.  
Oh shit, okay speaking German had been a _bad_ idea!

More appeared, closing a circle around him and Skwisgaar.  
Far more swirled through the crowd, where a panic had now begun. People were screaming and running around, seeking escape, but they didn’t matter anymore. The show was over.  
Acting on some buried instinct, Skwisgaar and Toki stood back to back as they were circled.  
Toki didn’t dare try to speak to them again, and Skwisgaar was remaining silent. Could ghosts kill them?

They were reaching out, they would have been touching except that their hands passed right through when they tried, leaving a trail of cold chills in their wake.  
But they were becoming more corporeal by the minute, and then what would happen? “Skwisgaar?”  
“Shh, don’ts be talkings.”  
The crowd had dispersed by now, and the ghosts all flocked to the stage, forming a wall around the two guitarists.

“Murderface!” Nathan’s voice cut through the new silence. “Get Pickles out of here, I’m gonna get Skwisgaar and Toki!”  
“Yeah, okay! Picklesch, get your assch up, come on!” More dragging than leading, he removed the drummer form his private Disneyland. Fuck knows what _he_ was seeing.  
Charles had made it to the stage now, but Nathan waved him off. “Help Murderface!”  
Murderface _needed_ help, Pickles was trying to twist out of his grasp. With a nod, Charles took Pickles’ other arm and they hauled him away.

Nathan faced the wall fo ghosts. “HEY! I’M NOT LETTING YOU DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE MY GUITARISTS!” The ghosts paused, seeming to listen. That was encouraging! “Look, they’re not Nazis! They’re uh, Scandinavians! Not the bad guys, so get the fuck away from them!”  
The circle broke, the ghosts milling around in a confused way now.  
“Listen to me! I’m an American, one of the good guys! Let them go!”

A path opened and Nathan ran down it, grabbing their arms. “Come on, we’re getting the hell out of here! Run!”  
Dodging random ghosts, they ran back through the passage and jumped off the stage.  
Toki glanced back, they weren’t being followed. Still, they ran as fast as they could for the gate.  
Safely across the boundary, they dove into the waiting car. Nathan banged on the back of the seat. “GO GO GO!”  
The car sped off.

Charles attempted to look dignified, despite the situation. “I have no idea what happened back there, but don’t worry, we’ll be at the hotel soon.”  
“NOOOOOO!”  
“Nathan, your terms were a night in a hotel with your choice of women-“  
“No! We just got attacked by ghosts!” He banged on the seat back again. “Take us to the Dethcopter, we’re getting the hell out of this fucked up country tonight!”  
The driver did a rather impressive U-turn.

Back on board, their high strung state persisted until they were loaded and in the air.  
Skwisgaar then went to his room, he hadn’t said a word.  
Pickles was whining about not getting to ride the rides again, just what the fuck did he take and why hadn’t it worn off yet?  
Nathan and Murderface were drinking, trying to erase the night from their minds.  
Charles was on the phone.

Toki was just sitting, looking out the window. They would be back in Norway soon...  
“Alright, I’ve booked you some rooms. You weren’t expected until tomorrow night and the hotels are mostly booked for your concert, but I manage to find three in the same hotel. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to share.”  
“Uh, okay.” Nathan shrugged. “Same as we used to? Murderface, Toki, you okay with that?” They nodded. “Charles, you can share with me if you want.”  
“Thank you, Nathan. I’ll try not to bother you too much.”

****

A little while later, they landed in Norway.  
Pickles had finally come down, and just seemed a little confused now. It was an improvement.  
Toki went to wake up Skwisgaar (since he’d woken him earlier), but it was clear that he hadn’t been asleep. “So we ams here.”  
“Ja, comes on. Oh, we gots to shares a room, there wasn’ts enough of them.”  
“Pfft, dildos.” But he didn’t look like he really minded.  
A car was there to take them to the hotel, they all climbed in.  
Back in Norway, back in his city, after all this time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Pickles' photo](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/zsomeone/17730743/68542/68542_original.jpg), In case you're curious. NSFW due to extreme tastelessness.


	26. Norway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki runs off with Terje for a while, but comes back for the show.  
> Assume Toki isn’t speaking English when he’s not with Dethklok, I don’t do the language cheats.  
> Warnings: OCs return

As soon as they got to their room, Skwisgaar went straight to bed but Toki grabbed the phonebook. Hopefully he hadn’t moved away, hopefully he was listed....  
He was! He couldn’t call now though, it was way too early. Or too late? Either way, it was the middle of the night. And he should probably get some sleep.  
Leaving the book open to the correct page, Toki took a quick shower and crawled in bed. He was back in Norway, back where he’d started.

When he woke up, it was almost noon and Skwisgaar was gone. Grabbing his phone, he dialed the number. It had been so long...  
“Hello?”  
“Terje! It’s Toki.”   
“Hey, I was wondering if you’d call me! Do you have to stay with the band, or an you come visit me? Or can I come pick you up?”  
He was _probably_ supposed to stay with the band, but he wasn’t going to even ask. “Come and get me!” He gave him the name of the hotel.

Toki went down to the lobby to wait. The others were already there, eating the assorted complimentary food items. He ignored them, and hoped they’d do the same.  
Expecting to see the face from his memories, it took him a second to recognize Terje when he walked in. How long had it been? Too long...  
Terje was still a hugger, that hadn’t changed. Toki hugged him back just as hard.

“Damn, Toki! You grew!” He hadn’t realized it, but it was true. They were about the same height now.  
“And you cut off your hair!” And shaved too...  
“Yeah, I just got tired of dealing with it.”   
The rest of the band was watching them now, wondering who this guy was. In typical nosy Dethklok fashion, they’d wandered closer.

Introductions should be made. In English. “Terje, this is Nathan, Skwisgaar, Moiderface, and Pickle. Ands this is my best friends Terje Halvorsen, we was roommates when I lives here.”  
Nathan nodded. “Hi. Uh, can you understand what I’m saying?”  
Of course he could, and his English had always been better than Toki’s. “Yes, I speak English too. It’s nice to meet you all.”  
Pickles and Murderface returned the sentiment, but Skwisgaar hung back, frowning a little. Toki ignored this, he was just weird sometimes.

There was no point trying to sneak off now, so Toki just told them. “I’s going to goes with Terje, but don’ts worry, I’ll be back in times for the show!”  
“Toki, ya can’t leave us! We wanna go places, how are we ‘posed ta know what people are sayin’? We’re, ya know, in _Norway_!”  
“Don’ts worry, most everybodys knows English. You’s fine.” Not giving them more time to object, he waved and headed out the door.

“So do you want to see my studio?”  
“Oh, you finally got it? Yes!” Toki was looking around as they drove, so much had changed and so much was just like he remembered it. He had to ask, “Terje? Is Rune still around?”  
“No man, I’m sorry. He died a couple years ago, heart attack.”  
“Oh.” It would have been nice to see him again. It was his own fault, in a way, for not keeping in touch. How about.... No, he shouldn’t even ask.

Terje guessed it though. “Lina’s fine. She got married a while back, they live here now.”  
Toki just nodded. He’d like to see her, but it would probably be too strange. His girl, all grown up and married to someone else. Well, she’d never really been _his_...  
He changed the subject. “So did you get married too?”  
“No, but I might as well be, I live with Mari. You probably don’t remember her, she didn’t really hang out with our crowd back then.”  
No, he couldn’t place the name.

The studio was much larger than he’d expected, and all the equipment was top of the line. Even Dethklok could record in a setup like this! That was unlikely to ever happen, but there was certainly enough stuff to do it.  
There were posters on the walls, bands that he’d produced. Toki recognized a few of the names, it looked like Terje was doing very well.  
There was also the latest Dethklok shots, and that now infamous magazine photo. Toki groaned when he saw that one.

Terje noticed where he was looking and laughed. “Hey, it helps business when people know that my ex-roommate is in Dethklok! Besides, a lot of people in the scene remember you. Man, some crazy shit’s been happening at your concerts!”  
Yeah, about that... Toki was thinking that coming here had been a bad idea. “Terje, I know this sounds really fucked up, but will you promise me that you won’t go to the concert tonight?”  
“What the hell, man? You don’t want me to see you play?” He looked hurt.

Toki sat in one of the chairs. So much death had happened all around them when they were on stage, he couldn’t really expect it to be different here. And how many people that he knew- well, used to know- would be in the audience? And it would be his fault, all his fault. He was the one who’d asked to come here, but he hadn’t known! “Bad stuff happens, a lot of people get hurt or killed. I don’t want to have to worry about you. Please promise me you won’t go?”  
“Sorry Toki, but I’m going. This is too huge to miss! But you know me, I’ve been at some crazy shows before and I always made it out just fine. Don’t worry about me.”

He didn’t get it, but Toki could tell it was hopeless to keep trying to convince him. He really wanted to just cancel the show, but he couldn’t do that either. The others wouldn’t see it his way, he knew that. Fans died a lot, that’s just what happens. But these people wouldn’t just be fans, there would be a lot of people he’d known. And at least some of them might die tonight, all because he’d selfishly wanted to play here.  
But he hadn’t known what it would be like!   
It was too late now.

Trying to put it out of his mind (worrying was doing him no good), Toki asked for a tour of the town. He only had a couple hours before he needed to be back.  
They drove around, cruising the old landmarks. The passage of time was obvious in these once familiar places.  
Their old apartment building was still there, but was privately owned now. Rune’s bar had become a small diner. “He willed the place to his nephew. He did try to keep it going, but it just never was the same and he had to sell it.”  
Toki just nodded. Rune had been the biggest part of the place, after all.

Eventually they stopped at the old bar where Toki had spend so many open mic nights.  
Inside, it had been updated a bit but looked mostly the same. The stage was still there, and although it was surely a different one by now, the waiting loner guitar.  
“I still run open mic here, I enjoy it and it’s good for my business.”  
“What ever happened to your band?”  
Terje shrugged. “We were just in it for fun. I still play here, and fill in occasionally if somebody’s short, but that’s pretty much it.”

They ordered a couple beers, Toki automatically taking his old position along the bar. “Is that the same old jukebox?”  
“It sure is! It’s even worse now, the last three pages won’t work at all anymore. He won’t throw it out though.”  
“I’m kind of glad. It’s nice that _everything_ hasn’t changed. I thought this would feel like coming home, but there’s so many differences... It’s like somebody redecorated your house while you were on vacation or something.”

Terje laughed at that, then turned serious. “So, how come you never called me? Until you turned up in Dethklok I had no idea if you were even still alive.”  
He’d known this was coming. “I just... I didn’t want to call until I had a band. Everybody thought I was going to be this big star, and I nobody wanted me! So I didn’t call, and then so much time passed that it felt like I _couldn’t_ call... I’m sorry.”  
“Aw Toki! You had people here who missed you, but I understand. You’d better keep in touch this time though!”

Toki finished his beer and ordered another. “I want to, but I don’t think they’d like me calling overseas.”  
“Well, you have a computer, don’t you? Just email me.”  
“No, we don’t have them yet! Nathan ordered them special, I don’t really understand it, but they haven’t come in yet. I’ve never even used one!”  
Terje fished a card out of his wallet. “You’ll be fine, you were always good at that kind of stuff. When you get it, you contact me, okay?” He pointed to a line on the card. “That’s my email.”  
“I will!”

It was getting late, so they headed back.  
Toki felt he had to make one last try. “Terje, please change your mind? Don’t come to the show, I’m begging you.”  
He shook his head. “Sorry, but I wouldn’t miss it for anything. You’re the biggest thing we’ve ever had come through here, you can’t reasonably ask me not to go. I know you’re worried, but it will be fine! You’ll see.”  
It ws hopeless then. Toki gave up, he would just have to hope nothing happened.

****

Terje got him back to the hotel on time, then cheerfully waved and left. Toki was still worried, he couldn’t help it. It was true that Terje _had_ always been lucky, but that wasn’t good enough when Dethklok was involved.   
Maybe he was just being paranoid? Nothing bad had happened in Romania, and in Germany, the attack had been focused on them and not the crowd. But after getting off so lightly, their fans were surely doomed this time. That’s how he felt anyway.  
But it seemed that there was nothing he could do.

Toki didn’t exactly receive a warm welcome back. The Americans were mad at him for running off and leaving them to fend for themselves, even if most people really could speak English.  
“It’s naught tha English parts, thet was mostly fine. It’s tha stuff they didn’t translate, like they were talkin’ about us behind our backs.”  
“Yeah! Except, only in front of us?”  
Deciding to just ignore them, Toki went to get ready.

****

The place was packed!   
People were crammed onto every bit of space, some had even climbed partway up the support beams and were clinging like death metal monkeys.  
Toki tried to scan what he could see of the crowd, hunting for Terje. He should be somewhere near the front, right? He couldn’t spot him, it was just a shifting sea of faces.  
Chicks rose up, boosted onto people’s shoulders and flashing their tits.

They started playing, and the crowd went wild.  
Being indoors changed the quality of their sound, giving it an rumbling echo undertone that sounded really brutal.  
Toki was still searching for Terje, but he couldn’t see much with they stage lights in his eyes. He had to concentrate on his playing anyway. The bad feeling hadn’t left him, but maybe if he just pretended everything would be fine?  
Funny, he’d always wanted to go to one of the big shows here, but either he didn’t have the money or he had to work. Now he _was_ the show. Well, part of it anyway.

They played on, so far so good. The crowd had become almost double decker now, between the girls on shoulders and a lot of random bodies crowd surfing. Others had climbed even further up the supports.  
However many people this place was rated for, they were exceeding it by far!  
It was impossible to make out any details in the wildly churning see of bodies.

The rumble that had been with them all along seemed to increase, that couldn’t be good. Toki could feel the stage tremble beneath him. Was it from the masses of people pushing against it?  
He glanced around, but the others either didn’t notice anything new or else were ignoring it.  
It was probably just the crowd then.  
Suddenly, the building partially collapsed! Dust and debris flew around them, and they all stopped playing in confusion.

Then the screaming started, people partially pinned under debris, how many more crushed and dead? The back of the building was gone, burying many of their fans in the wreckage.   
Another huge beam crashed down, landing partially on the stage. More followed, and fragments falling like deadly rain.  
Security was trying to get them offstage and safely outside.

Toki refused to move. He had never managed to spot Terje, so he must have been in the back somewhere. In the back, where everything was so much worse!  
One of their guys tried to pull him off, but he punched him in the face and he backed off. “No, get the fuck off me!” He didn’t even realize he wasn’t speaking English. “TERJE!”  
He could barely hear himself over all the screaming.

Someone grabbed him from behind, trying to drag him away. Without even caring who it was, he fought them. “Fuck you, let me go! I have to find him!” Twisting and striking, he managed to break free.  
He had to get in there, had to look for him. Toki started looking for a way down from the stage, ignoring the trembles of the rest of the structure threatening to collapse.  
The fallen beam leaning against the stage, it might do.

“Toki!” Skwisgaar had come back for him, and apparently had enough sense not to just grab him.  
“Go away, Skwisgaar, get out! I have to find my friend, I can’t see him!”  
Oh, so that’s what this was about. The others hadn’t understood what he’d been yelling. Skwisgaar switched languages too, they were similar enough. “Toki, we have to get out of here right now. He has a phone, right? Come outside and call him.”  
Toki _did_ understand, even though it sounded a bit odd. “But what if he doesn’t answer?”  
“Then we’ll make Charles find him, okay?” He held out his hand.

Charles... that made sense. And of course Terje had a phone...  
Toki took the offered hand and reluctantly let Skwisgaar lead him through the debris and out of the building. The others were waiting, and pretty upset. They hadn’t been in favor of risking Skwisgaar going back in, but he’d insisted and they didn’t really see many options with time running out fast.  
They were hustled into the waiting car and rushed back to the hotel.

Toki found his phone (he didn’t wear it when he played) and tried to call Terje. It didn’t even ring, the phone was turned off! Why would he turn his phone off, unless he had been there at their show? And why hadn’t he turned it back on, if he was able?  
He kept trying, but nothing changed.  
At the hotel, they rode up to their rooms. Toki couldn’t keep hitting redial in the elevator, the signal was lost, so Nathan took the chance to ask what the fuck was wrong. “Toki, what’s the matter?”   
For the first time he noticed that Nathan was bleeding, why was Nathan bleeding?

“I tells him not to goes, that lots of people dies at our shows! He says he going anyways! I never sees him, then the roof falls down and I can’ts finds him!”  
“Whoa, okay. That sucks! Uh, we’ll get Charles to find him, alright? Skwisgaar, maybe you should stay with him? You know, in case he like, forgets English again or something?”  
“I’s not going to forgets.”  
Skwisgaar just nodded. “Ja okays. Let’s goes to de room.”  
Toki shrugged. “Whatevers.”

In the room, Skwisgaar locked the door with every lock it had. It was unclear if he was trying to keep people out or keep Toki in. “Sits down, you ams going to drives me crazy wit de pacings.”  
Toki just shrugged and sat on his bed, phone still in hand. Should he keep trying?  
Skwisgaar took out his phone and called Charles. “Heys, we needs you to finds somebody who ams at the concert. Ja. Terje...” He looked at Toki, not remembering his last name and needing help.   
“Halvorsen.”   
“Halvorsen. Ja. Okay, goods. I tells him.” He ended the call and turned back to Toki. “He ams going to checks all de hospitals and dat stuff.”

That stuff... like the morgue. Toki just nodded. There was something else he wanted to know too. “Skwisgaar? What happens to Nathan?”  
“Uh, you dids. You punches one of our guys, den Nathans try to gets you off de stage. But you gets loose, we thinks you’s going to dies.”  
Shit, he’d had no idea it was Nathan who’d grabbed him! He was probably mad. But he hadn’t seemed mad...  
“Skwisgaar, you comes back for me. _Whys_?”  
“You tries to saves me in Germany, I just returns de favors.” He shrugged.

“But-“ Even as out of his mind as he’d been, something had registered. “You speaks my language?”  
“Pfft, no. Svenska is pretties close, dat’s all. Don’ts try to tells me you never hears it befores?”  
Toki shrugged, it had sounded almost like an accent to him. If it was that close, he’d probably heard it and just not realized it was a whole different language. Skwisgaar had understood him... Toki switched languages. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? Think about it, we could talk and the others wouldn’t have any idea what we’re saying! Say something for me, I want to hear it now that I’m paying attention.”

Skwisgaar snorted, but refused to answer. He gave Toki an aggravated look.  
“Come on, just a couple words? One word?” It was pretty obvious that he wasn’t going to do it, so Toki gave up and switched back. “Fines, has it your ways. Don’ts know why you don’ts want to.”  
“Because dat’s not mine language anymores. I leaves all dat, noting to be missing. So I’s not going to speaks it. Besides, dat woulds be rude to de others.” He sighed. “I only does it because you wasn’t listenings to anybodys else.”

That made sense, the familiar sounding language _had_ gotten through to him. He thought of something else. "Skwisgaar, you’s supposed to be fucking chicks now, nots watching me.” The others most likely were, as planned.  
“Pfft, what does you tink I was doesing all day? I didn’t wants to goes wanders around, I jus picks up a bunch of ladies and fucks de whole times.”  
“Ohs. So then you’s not mad-“

The phone rang, interrupting them. Skwisgaar answered it.  
It was Charles, calling back. It was a very short call, Toki waited impatiently.  
“He hasn’t finds anythings, dat’s good. So you knows he ams not at de hospitals or de dead peoples place.”  
At least not _yet_ , that was the problem. What if he was still buried in debris, what if he was smashed beyond identification? What if...  
Skwisgaar shook his head. “Fucks, Toki. Don’ts be tinking abouts dis, jus tries to sleeps. Okays?” He looked pretty tired.

Feeling guilty that Skwisgaar was watching him instead of having fun, Toki lay down.  
He couldn’t sleep. How could he sleep knowing what had happened tonight? When all the dead and injured were finally accounted for, how many names would he know? Would he ever even be able to look at such a list?  
Sleep was impossible. He would stay awake until they found Terje, however long it took.  
Yet somehow, he fell asleep.


	27. Namesake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a phone call, Toki runs off again. Then they all go home, and the first official hiring of the gears occurs.  
> Assume Toki isn’t speaking English when he’s not with Dethklok, I don’t do the language cheats.  
> Also, one scene is pretty much quoted from Dethsources, and has a screen cap for an illustration.  
> Warnings: OCs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the STD test mentioned of course doesn’t exist, but is similar to a pregnancy test.

Toki’s phone rang early the next morning, waking him up. It was Terje! “You’re alive!”  
“Yeah man, I heard about what happened. I wasn’t even there! Sorry I didn’t call you, but something came up. Can you come to the hospital?”  
“What’s wrong? How bad is it?”  
“Nothing’s wrong! There’s just someone you have to see. You have time, don’t you?”  
Toki checked the clock. No he didn’t have time, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Now to get away from everyone else...

Skwisgaar was awake, and had heard most of it. “You can’ts go anywheres, we has to be leavings real soons.”  
Damn Skwisgaar for understanding Norsk! “I’s goings to come back! Or else... I just chatches up or somethings, but I’s going!” He remembered the bus schedule, some things just stuck with you. There should be one practically outside his door any minute now. Brushing off Skwisgaar, he walked out.  
Shit, the others were already up too. He turned the other way, there were more elevators.

They wouldn’t have seen him if Skwisgaar hadn’t yelled, but Toki ran and made in the elevator ahead of them. They wouldn’t be far behind.  
In the lobby, he could see the bus approaching. This was going to be close! Toki ran for the door as they all poured into the lobby behind him, yelling for him to stop.  
“TOKI! DON’T YOU DARE GET ON THAT BUS! WE HAVE TO LEAVE!”  
He made it, jumping onboard right before the doors closed. Toki dropped into a seat and waved at his irate bandmates as the bus drove off. For good measure, he turned off his phone.

It was a short ride to the hospital, and Terje was waiting for him in the lobby. He looked really happy. “Toki, man, I hope this isn’t too weird for you, but there’s someone you just have to meet!”  
“Okay?” He had no idea what to expect.  
He followed Terje to the elevators, then to a room. Terje knocked once, then pushed it open. “He’s here!”  
Toki followed him in, and was really surprised to see who was waiting in the bed.

“Lina! Oh wow, you look... tired?” She looked different, but he recognized her smile instantly.  
She just laughed. “I am tired! It’s harder than you think to get a baby out!” She motioned to a man holding a tiny baby. “This is my husband Aric Ryen, Aric this is Toki.”  
To his surprise, Aric handed the baby back to Lina and gave Toki a big hug. “Lina told me how you saved her life. Thank you for my family, Toki, I don’t know where I’d be without them.”  
Terje patted him on the back. “This is why I wasn’t at the show, Aric called and told me they were here. But that’s not all, tell him, Lina.”

Toki was feeling a little overwhelmed by all this.   
Lina smiled down at her baby, then met his eyes. “We named him after you, I hope that’s okay.”  
Speechless, he looked at the baby closer. His namesake...  
“Would you like to hold him?”  
“Oh no, I might drop him or something!”  
“No you won’t. Come on, take him.”

Toki did, being absurdly careful. The baby seemed to look up at him, then closed his eyes.  
Not his baby, but if things had been different...  
Lina was the first and only girl he’d ever loved, but he knew that even with all his wealth, he could never give her this life. She was happy, he could see that. And he was happy for her.  
He eased the infant back into her waiting arms. “You’ve got to send me pictures and stuff, okay? I want to see him grow up.”  
“I will.”

Toki sighed. “You’re sure about the name? I’m not exactly the luckiest guy.”  
“Well, to my family you are! You saved my life, I’ll never forget that. And Little Toki here probably saved Terje’s life just by being born when he was!”  
Well, when she put it like that... “Okay then. Just... try to give him a good life, and... Never mind, I know you’ll be a good mom.”  
“Aw thanks, I’m certainly going to try!” She blushed a little.

“And you’ve got to teach him music!” He couldn’t help grinning at the idea of that tiny little baby holding a guitar. Well, he’d grow.  
Aric nodded. “I’m sure his Uncle Terje will have that covered whether we like it or not.”  
“Oh yeah, anything he wants to play.”  
There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence, nobody really knowing what else to say.

Toki noticed the clock. “Shit, I need to get back! They’re going to be really mad at me, we were supposed to be gone by now!”  
Lina giggled. “Oh no, you better go then! Terje, give him a ride.”  
“Yeah, sure. Come on Toki.”  
He hesitated, then went back to the bed and gave Lina a kiss on the forehead. “It was good to see you. Take care of him, okay?”  
“I will. Bye, Toki.”

They got n the car, Toki still feeling a little overwhelmed.  
“Hey, are you alright? Was it too much?” Terje looked worried.  
“A bit much, yeah, but I’m okay.” He’d get used to the whole baby thing with a little more time. “I was really worried about you last night. I never saw you, and then when the building collapsed, I thought you were dead.”  
“Man, I’m sorry, I should have called! It’s just... I got the call about the baby and rushed up there. I had to turn my phone off and forgot to turn it back on.”  
“You had a good reason.” He couldn’t be mad about that.

“So are you going to be in trouble for being late?”  
“I don’t know, probably. Our manager has this thing for schedules.”  
“Ha, most of them do! But you’ve really got to keep in touch this time. Email me as soon as you get your computer?”  
“I will! And you have to send me baby pictures, I was serious about that.” They were back at the hotel, and it looked like he was indeed in trouble. “Oops, now who’s the one who forgets to turn the phone back on?” They got out.

“TOKI, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! WE’RE LATE!”  
Ignoring Nathan for the moment, he hugged Terje.  
“Funny, the last time you left it was with a band. At least this time it’s your own.”  
“HEY TOKI! HURRY THE FUCK UP!”  
“Yeah, this time it’s mine. And they’re pretty mad, I have to go.” He yelled toward them, “I’S COMING!”  
Terje hugged him again. “Go, man.”  
“Yeah, I’d better. Bye, Terje.” He headed for the others.

They all got in the car, and Toki chose to ignore them for now and watch out the window. They had questions, but he didn’t answer.  
Back on the Dethcopter, he watched from his window seat as Norway shrank away beneath them. It wasn’t truly his home anymore, but they were headed home. Soon it was lost from his sight, stolen by the clouds.  
He went to his room, wanting to be alone with his confused mess of thoughts.

It didn’t take him long to decide he’d think better with alcohol. He managed to sneak out (not wanting to be seen) and grabbed a bottle. It was a half empty one, but so what? Good enough.  
Drinking, he sat back on his bed.  
Just when he thought he had it all figured out...  
He didn’t know what to think anymore.

It was great, all the sex and parties, but it was all pretty meaningless when it came down to it.  
Seeing Lina had reminded him of those feelings he used to have, really caring about someone and knowing they felt the same.  
So what could he do, get a girlfriend? Was he even allowed to, if that’s what he decided he wanted? He’d never seen any of the others have one.  
But the girls they always hooked up were all a bunch of whores.

He didn’t want a kid, he was sure of that much. Not with his life, and he wasn’t about to give up Dethklok. But a girlfriend might be nice.  
Somebody to care, somebody to be there... somebody to hold at night.  
That sounded pretty good, actually. Of course he might never find a chick like that, all the ones he met seemed to be a little crazy.

****

Toki avoided the others for most of a day, but it was a long flight and he got bored fast.  
They all ended up in the hot tub, drinking as usual. Toki had sunk all the way down to his chin in the water.  
Nathan splashed him in the face, making him sputter and sit back up higher. “Hey. Why’d you run off? And why have you been acting weird ever since?”  
“Yeah, we descherve an exchplanation.”

Toki was drunk enough to just answer them. “I goes to sees my old girlfriend, she has a baby and names it afters me.”  
“HOLY SHIT, YOU HAVE A KID?!”  
“He’s nots mine! She just names him afters me because she wants to!”  
“Hmph. That’s kinda weird.”  
It was, Toki couldn’t argue with that one.

Skwisgaar was drunk, he pointed randomly toward the ceiling. “If mine old girlfriends has babies and names dem afters me... Well dey ams probablies mine kids, but dat’s still wrong. Why did she does dat? Dids you jus used to be reallies goods in bed or someting?”  
He ignored the insult. “Actually... I never even sleeps with her.”  
“Dude, yer girlfriend thet ya never even _fucked_ named her kid after ya? Thet’s gatta be fuckin’ up yer head.”  
“You thinks?! Cans we stops talkings about this now?”

“Uh, no. It’s too funny!” Nathan lurched himself out of the hot tub and staggered to he door. “We need more beer.” The could hear him randomly colliding with walls, maybe he’d come back and maybe he wouldn’t.  
Toki sighed, and sank back down into the water. They’d probably forget all this when they were sober, or at least he hoped they would.  
Pickles elbowed him. “Ya know what yer prahblem is? Ya jest need ta git laid.”  
“Yeah, probablies.” 

****

When they finally got back to Mordhaus, he medical wing looked completed.  
Charles had some announcements before turning them loose. “As I’m sure you all noticed, the medical buildings are now complete. The staff is ready, so we will be holding out first mass hiring in a week. I’ll take care of it, but it would be nice if all of you would stop in and say something encouraging to them.”  
That made sense to Toki, after all these people wanted to work for them! Like fans, only better.

“Also, Doctor has developed an instant STD test, all girls you bring in must take it in addition to signing the usual paperwork. If they fail, they’ll be escorted out and you’ll have to choose another.”  
“Pfft, as long as we gets to fucks, I don’ts care.”  
Charles ignored him. “I need all of you to take one right now to see if anybody needs treatment.” He held out these little stick looking things. “Just take the cap off and lick it.”  
Looking at him like he was crazy, they obeyed. There was no taste.

Toki noticed a little window on the stick suddenly turn blue, and covered it with his hand. It probably meant something bad!  
“Everyone show me the windows. Come on.” With shifting glances at each other, they reluctantly held them out for inspection. Charles nodded. “Good, you all passed. I suspect that’s something of a miracle.”  
They only shrugged, and Nathan mumbled, “Okay, fine. Can we go now?”  
“Yes of course.” Charles stepped aside and they all filed out. It was good to be home.

In his room, Toki found a couple of model kits waiting for him!!  
There were only two, but he could always get more later. One box was clearly different, it didn’t look like something from a store and there was a note on it. He read it. Oh, it was a test model of their very own Dethcopter! It looked really hard though, Toki decided he’d better start with the other one in case he sucked at this.

According to the picture on the box, it was a red plane with double wings and a propeller. He couldn’t wait, he opened it to look at all the parts.  
There were directions, in two languages he didn’t know and in English. Good, he should be able to manage then.   
They’d eaten not long before they’d landed, so there was no reason not to just get started. Toki sat down at his desk and started separating the pieces from the plastic they were molded from.

It was confusing at first, how would he ever get all these little pieces in the right places? There were just so many... maybe some were spares? He almost hoped so!  
Hours later, Toki quit for the night. The main big parts were together but he’d discovered that he was going to need some tools. His calloused fingers didn’t have a light enough touch for the tiny parts, he needed some tweezers or something. Well, those should be easy to get.

****

Now that chicks were allowed, they could all get laid whenever they wanted. Well, not _quite_ whenever, they didn’t yet have to personal to supervise that, but every evening a lucky group was allowed in for them to choose from.  
Skwisgaar and Pickles would often take two or three apiece, but Toki never took more than one. He never took them to his room though, that was _his_ space, he’s use a spare room. There were several of those, kept in case of visitors that they might eventually have someday.

It was different to fuck alone, after the orgies they’d all shared. The girls would try to talk to him and pretend they cared, it was actually kind of annoying. They were horrible liars, they didn’t really love him, he knew that. They were just putting on an act.  
He always threw them out afterwards, he wasn’t going to lay there and listen to them bullshit. Besides, he wanted to sleep in his own bed, and no way was he letting them in it.  
Still, he usually picked one most nights. Why not?

****

The day had come, it was time for the hiring. They were _finally_ going to have a full staff.  
The turnout had been much greater than expected, and the big hall was packed with a wide variety of people. There were even a lot of girls out there!  
Once everyone had been processed, the necessary waivers signed, and the doors secured, Dethklok stepped out onto the stage to greet them, to wild cheering.

They approached the mic, and Nathan felt he was supposed to say something. “Uh... So I guess some of you will be working for us?”  
“Good luck, ya douchebags!” Pickles waved.  
Skwisgaar blew kisses to females in the crowd.  
Toki hung back, not sure what to do or say. Murderface was quiet too.  
All those people, so many people...

They backed off and Charles took the microphone. “Welcome to the first official hiring of the gears.” The crowd quieted, listening. “These following weeks will be the most difficult weeks of your lives. Some of you will be maimed, most will be killed. For those of you survive, you will go on to attain the sacred ranking of the gear. But until then, you are all worthless scum.” He gave that a moment to sink in. “Now pair up and fight to the death with your bare fists.”  
There was much shuffling as they paired off, everybody wanting to be against someone they could beat. Then the fighting started.

Toki was shocked, as usual they had neglected to inform him of how this was going to work.   
The melee was wild and brutal, people literally trying to kill each other as instructed. This was how they hired people?! Really?! He didn’t want to look like a wimp by leaving...  
Fortunately, the others had no plans to watch the whole thing, and Toki gratefully followed them out of the room.  
The machine that was Dethklok was about to be fully in gear.


	28. (never named this chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're out of completed chapters now, from here out these are partial and my notes. Notes are in italics.

_This chapter was never actually written at all except for a tiny part, I kind of skipped over it to write stuff further down the line. So all you get here is a summary. I was originally planning to throw in a screen cap of the gear brandings, but fuck it._

_Very soon after they come home they have to first ever branding of the gears. It’s actually horrible and makes that whole part of the haus smell like burnt flesh and hair for days. The band doesn’t actually watch for very long, they all find an excuse to go somewhere else._

_They get their special order computers, and Toki finds out he’s just naturally good at using his. He emails Terje and gets sent baby pictures and shit like that._

_Jeeves dies in some horrible freak accident, I think I was going to go with him somehow falling into a self-cleaning oven. They get their first real chef._

_Nathan wants to re-record the stuff they did when he thought he was dying, so Alfred is back. They’re planning to make all of that even better (more brutal) than it was originally. Nathan’s also asking more questions about motorcycles._

_Toki decides he’s tired of sluts and wants a real girlfriend (see why Fertilityklok killed this?) So he tries to date some chicks. And in general, it goes badly. Some of them just use him to try to get a shot at Nathan or Skwisgaar. Eventually he meets someone._

She had gotten in with a small group, and he noticed her. She hung back shyly, not openly trying to seduce everyone like the other girls. They were picked off, and still she hung back.  
Toki was sick of forward, aggressive girls. She wasn’t one, so he was intrigued enough to approach her. “Hi, what’s you’s name?”  
“Brandi Williams. You’re Toki, right?”  
“Yes. You wants to come talks to me?” She was cute, and blonde. He liked them blonde.  
“What?” She seemed surprised. “Talk? I thought all of you just wanted, you know, sex.”

Toki took her hand, leading her to his room. He still never took girls to his room for sex, but he wasn’t planning to fuck her. At least not right away. She looked around, taking everything in and biting her lip nervously. It was a nice change from the women he was used to.

_She’s kind of creeped out by his parents’ photos, but she manages to play it off._

_The band (but mostly Charles) even helps him dress for a date in a fancy place, because there’s a dress code and he wouldn’t be allowed in the way he usually dresses. He ends up in a coat, tie, and jacket that Charles let him borrow, but refuses to change his pants or boots._

_The date goes well._


	29. Girlfriend

_This part was also not written, except for my random notes._

_Toki really likes Brandi, but the other guys don’t like him dating her. Just for that, he asks her to move in with him and of course she does. She tells him she’s a virgin, he believes her (even though Skwisgaar tells him she’s lying), and that just makes it seem more special to him when they do eventually have sex._

_She wants to remodel his room some, and he tells her she can have anything she wants. She makes some changes._

_Nathan has them back in the studio, they’re putting in long hours there. Toki spends most of what free time he has with Brandi. The band doesn’t like her._

_Nathan complains that she’s fucking up the band, even asks Charles if she’s even allowed to live there, but there’s nothing in the contracts that forbids it. Skwisgaar tells Toki that she’s not good for him, but he refuses to listen._

_Brandi starts getting demanding, complaining if Toki is too tired to want to have sex. She says all he does is stand around playing guitar, and accuses him of not loving her. He tries to reassure her, but sometimes she just huffs off for a while._

_She talks about having a baby (fuck you again, Fertilityklok) but Toki’s not ready to go there so he keeps using condoms even though she doesn’t realize it. They have ultra thin ones or something, okay? Maybe they only fuck with the lights off, I never actually wrote it._

_She also makes a few hints about getting married._

_And, the only thing that I actually wrote for this chapter:_

“She’s fucking up the band, get rid of her!”  
“Fucks you Nathan, I can has a goilfriend if I wants!”


	30. This Love

(Yes, the title is a Pantera reference)

_Toki’s trying, but he just can’t seem to keep Brandi happy. He’s determined to somehow make it work though._

_One day he’s just watching TV, some nature documentary or something. It’s almost over. Skwisgaar walks through, and stops to tell him something._

Skwisgaar leaned down and spoke softly in his ear. “Toki. Meets me in mine room as soon as dis is overs, okay?”  
Toki nodded, the request just unusual enough to register, and Skwisgaar was gone.

Ten minutes later, the show was over. Although what was coming on next looked interesting, he got up and headed for Skwisgaar’s room.  
The door was closed, should he knock? Assuming there was no need since he had been told to come, Toki opened it and froze in surprise.  
Skwisgaar stood, while a naked chick- oh shit it was Brandi!- fumbled with his belt buckle. “Skwisgaar! How _coulds_ you?!”

She turned in surprise, rising to her feet and looking back and forth between them. Toki’s shock and anger, Skwisgaar’s calm stare.   
“Toki? Toki, he took advantage of me!” She ignored Skwisgaar’s scoff, and continued. “I didn’t want to come in here with him, you have to believe me! You _do_ believe me, don’t you, Baby?”  
Toki looked past her, meeting Skwisgaar’s eyes. Everything he’d tried to tell him, everything he hadn’t wanted to believe... it was all true. He looked back at her, shaking his head sadly. “Gets your stuff out of my room! And gets out of this haus!”

Brandi suddenly turned on Skwisgaar. “You fucking _bastard_ , you set me up!” She tried to kick him in the nuts, but he was expecting that and blocked her. “I didn’t want to fuck you anyway!”  
“Ja whatevers, gets out littles girl. Goes on.”   
Still naked, she turned back to Toki. “You _can’t_ throw me out, I’m having your baby! I didn’t tell you before because I wanted to surprise you! We’re a family now!”  
“I never fucks you withouts a condoms, no ways that’s my baby. Gets the fucks out, NOW!”  
Seeing no option, she scooped up her clothes and stalked naked out of the room.

Toki followed her to the door, and discovered Nathan and Pickles. Apparently they’d been passing by and heard the commotion.  
 _(A little more that didn’t get written.)_

There was a passing Klokateer in the hallway. They were there to serve, right? “You! Gets rid of her! And makes my room likes it used to be, as soon as possibles!”  
“Yes, My Lord.” The man took Brandi’s arm, leading her away despite her protests.  
He couldn’t stand to look at her anymore right now. He shut the door and locked it, just in case she came running back.  
He would just... hide out in here for a little while, if he could.

Toki went over and sat on Skwisgaar’s bed, slumped forward. How could she _do_ this to him?  
Skwisgaar came and sat beside him. “Sorries, but you wouldn’ts be believing me. But I didn’t ever fucks her, I promises you dat.” He thought for a minute. “I tink some of the others might had though, dey will does pretty much anyting when dey’s real drunks and she comes on to all of us.”  
“Goils is crazy, Skwisgaar.”  
“I knows, Toki, I knows. Jus fucks dem and don’ts keeps dem, dat’s de best ways.”


	31. Here Kitty Kitty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t blame me for this one, I had no choice. It’s from [this interview](http://www.avclub.com/articles/brian-posehn-interviews-dethklok,2074/).

_So Toki’s all depressed about breaking up with his girlfriend, even if she turned out to be a total slut._

Women... he just wasn’t ready to deal with them again just yet. He was way too drunk anyway, and would most likely pass out pretty soon. They probably wouldn’t even notice if he left.  
Toki brushed off the latest girl who was attempting to molest him and headed for his room. It was back how he’d had it now, all traces of Brandi had been removed.  
A shower... he should take a shower. Sitting on the bed, he managed to undress. (It would have been impossible standing.)

He was fighting the urge to just curl up and pass out, he needed a shower. He should go take a shower. If he could stand up...  
He was still sitting there when his door opened a crack and something was tossed inside. Laughter from the hall, “Hey Toki, we brought you some pussy!” And the door closed again.  
Whatever it was (he’d only registered a flash of color), it had run under his bed. Toki leaned over to try to look, and fell on the floor.

Curious, it came out to see him. It was a cat... in a dress. That was weird. It rubbed it’s head against his shoulder and purred.  
With some effort, Toki managed to climb back up on his bed and sit back up. The cat tried to jump up too, but tripped on it’s dress. It made it one the second try, and crawled into his lap.  
It didn’t seem to like the dress, so he tried to figure out how to take it off. He was too drunk though, his fingers fumbled uselessly over the fastenings.

The cat liked the attention, it was purring again. Giving up on the dress, he started petting it, holding it clumsily in place. It was soft and warm, nice... maybe he should get a cat?  
Toki didn’t know it, but the cat was either declawed or really weird, because it wasn’t kneading his leg like they’re prone to doing. He hadn’t had much experience with cats.  
Suddenly his door opened again. Startled, he squeezed the cat a little too hard, causing it to yowl in protest.

His bandmates stood in the doorway, eyes wide.  
“Oh holy shit!”  
“I didn’t think he’d rally-“  
“Oh gods...”  
“That’sch fucking schick!”  
The door slammed closed.

Thoroughly confused now, Toki decided he wasn’t going to be able to shower after all. He still wanted to, but there was no way he could stand up long enough, if he could even stand up at all.  
He set the cat on the bed and lay down, not even managing to crawl under the blanket. The cat curled up against his chest, apparently forgiving him for squeezing it.  
Toki draped an arm over it and gave in to unconsciousness.

****

He woke up the next morning, alone and still naked on top of his blanket. He tried to remember the previous night.... after a certain point it was pretty much blank. At least he’d made it back to his room.  
Feeling less that wonderful, Toki dragged himself to the shower and finally got clean. Then he got dressed and went out to find the others.

They snickered when he walked in, that was weird. He ignored them, grabbing a sausage off the table and nibbling on it.  
“Scho Toki, did you have fun lascht night?”  
“I has no idea, I can’ts remembers much. Whys?”  
Pickles decided to enlighten him. “Dude, ya fucked a cat!”  
He _couldn’t_ have... they didn’t even have a cat...  
They were all looking at him, and nobody looked like they were kidding.

“I don’ts think so.” But what if? He looked at Skwisgaar, who wouldn’t meet his eyes. He was staying out of this one. So Toki turned to Nathan.  
“Um, yeah you did. We found this cat and put a dress on it, just because it’s funny. And we threw it in your room. And when we came back later, you were naked and had it jammed on your dick, we all heard it yowl.”  
No longer hungry, Toki got up and walked out.

Back in his room, he tried hard to remember anything. Looking closely, he noticed some hairs on his bed, cat hairs? It seemed that there may have really been a cat in here. If so, somebody must have let it out before he woke up.  
But surely he didn’t fuck it! That didn’t even seem possible, cats were little.  
But everybody seemed so sure he had... and he couldn’t remember a damn thing.

_Oh, somebody (possibly a gear) let the cat out before Toki woke up. Or maybe it just found it’s own way out, as cats do._

_There was going to be some other stuff in here too, but I no longer remember what._

_There was an unwritten bit about him running out of underwear for some reason. And finding a pair of Brandi’s that the cleaning crew missed, and deciding they might do. But of course someone walks in and sees him trying on women’s underwear, so they think he wears them all the time. (This is also from that same interview.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually researched whether it was possible to fuck a cat, I wanted to be accurate here. (spoiler, no it is not.)  
> I'm telling you this to spare you searching through way too much beastality porn like I did. Unless that's your thing, in which case, have at it.


	32. Camp Out

_Nathan wanted to go camping a while back, if you remember. He gets Toki to agree to go with him (nobody else will), so they end up somewhere in Mordland. They have a tent they borrowed form somebody, and a campfire. Toki ends up talking about Brandi._

_Toki outright asks Nathan if he fucked her, but Nathan really can’t say for sure. He admits that he might have when he was drunk, but he just really doesn’t know. Toki doesn’t blame him for that, he just wishes he understood why she treated him the way she did._

“I tries to calls her, but she doesn’t answers. It that bads?”  
“Uh....”  
“I means, I just wants to knows _why_. She won’ts talks to me because I tells then to get rids of here, right?”  
“Um, that’s why.” Nathan looked away. “Yeah, Toki.”

There was something he was missing here, but Toki had no idea what it was. “So she’s mads at me?   
“You should have asked before you told them to get rid of her!”  
“Buts I didn’ts want to talks to her then! Now I does!”  
“Oh god, Toki.... You don’t even know, do you?”   
“Knows what?” He was really worried now.

Nathan sighed. “Look... she’s dead, okay? You told them to get rid of her, and well, you know, they did.”  
“Whats?! They _kills_ her?! They thinks I says to kills her?!”  
“Uh, you really didn’t know?”   
No, _of course_ he didn’t know! He’d wanted her out of his room and his life, not dead! This was all too much to deal with!

“Toki? Toki!”  
He could hear Nathan, but didn’t respond. It was like he couldn’t. He’d killed her...  
“Goddamnit Toki, WAKE UP! This isn’t funny!”  
Wake up? He wasn’t sleeping.

_And cue the first Toki catatonic style shutdown thing. Nathan freaks out because he has no idea what’s wrong or what’s going on, so he carries Toki back to the haus. (It’s not very far at all.) He brings him inside, yelling for people to help him. The band, Charles, and assorted gears come running and they’re trying to figure out what happened. Nathan’s trying to explain, but he really has no clue either. Murderface had been in the shower, he comes to see what all the yelling is about. And grabs a beer._

_I really didn’t have the rest of this chapter planned out.  
But basically, Toki comes out of his thing and slowly gets over it all as time goes on._


	33. (unnamed)

_*This one was only vaguely planned at all. It might have ended up being combined into chapter 32, depending on how everything else went.*_

_One night while drunk/ bored/ whatever, Toki ends up drawing on his arm with a Sharpie. The other guys aren’t around, they’re all doing their own things or something. The next morning he’s like wtf, but it’s Sharpie, it doesn’t just wash off so oh well._

_So he goes out where everybody’s already up, and they take it for a real tattoo and think it’s kind of cool. He tells them it’s just marker._

_Them Murderface, who just happened to get his tatts the night before, shows them off. They all comment on how they’re misspelled and stuff. Murderface gets pissed off because they thought Toki’s was cool and it’s not even real._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Other bits that go in there somewhere but I never picked where (where ever I'd get a short chapter, was the plan) and some later on down the line:_
> 
> _Facebones_
> 
> _The Murdercycle_
> 
> _The guitar lesson with the pig's blood (from Dethlessons)_
> 
> _They find out that Toki can play piano_
> 
> _Some Toki & Terje emailing more stuff_
> 
> _A few more chefs die (because that's what chefs do)_
> 
> _Have to kill Alfred eventually, because they didn't have anybody when they got Knubbler_
> 
> _Magnus, because he's a loose end so far_
> 
> _Eventually, yard wolves._
> 
> _Basically, there was potentially a shitload more but I don’t see being able to ever really finish it. This is maybe a halfway point, and it would have continued on, ending with the beginning of episode 1._
> 
> _I hope these parts are better than nothing._


End file.
